Proper Spoken Communication

There are various kinds of communication. That's how we pass along information to others. My blog is written communication. It is two-way, but people seldom provide feedback or questions. We're all too familiar with electronic communication. It actually suppresses human to human interaction which we need for a good social experience, not to mention a functional marriage and family!

I'd like to focus on "communication by word". It's an art and having a technique, means that it's also a process. When we communicate the intent is to exchange information and ideas. I don't like the dictionary use of "impart information and ideas" impart can be misunderstood as a one-way discourse, whereas anyone knows that communication is speaking and listening! The third aspect of communication is "effective".  Hence, we have several keywords: words, art, technique, effective, exchange, information and ideas.

Words are the primary aspect of verbal communication. Our brain, diaphragm, lungs, trachea, throat, larnyx, tongue, lips and teeth were designed to enunicate clearly words! We have system components which interact to allow humans to do something that animals cannot do... speak. (The parrot can say words, but does not enunciate clearly and the words are rote rather than ideas, hence not true communication).

Man is certainly different than animals!

1 Corinthians 15:39 (KJV)  "All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds."

 

Along with our ability to speak because we ARE SPECIAL to God, goes proper communication. Not only did God allow us to communicate with each other, but he also tells waht is proper and improper to communicate!  One time God got fed up with man's disobedience and desires and confounded their speech.

 

Genesis 11:6 (KJV) " And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do: and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. 7 Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.

 

"Speech" and "words" are different. We can say words, but speech is the organized and understood presentation of words. Words are one component of speech, but also important is inflection, gesturing, organization and value of what we say. That value is "effectiveness" of what we say! Each time we organize a thought to express the same, words we select to get across the idea is paramount to good communication. Nearly all, even babes, can say words. Most can speak. Few communicate effectively!  Effective communication is what I want to address.

 

First off, God does tell us how important the tongue is.  Psalm 34:13 "Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile."  God didn't give a tongue and lips (speech)  to speak things sinful. We are to use our ability to speak for good!

 

Ephesians 4:29 (KJV) 29  Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."

 

Our communication is not to tear down, but to build up. It's primary use is to tell anyone who listens about grace... God's grace! It's obvious that "corrupt communication" are those things such as lying, back-biting, cursing, gossip, spreading false doctrine, rumoring, licentiousness (filthy talk), idle chatter and the like. We are to encourage, build up God and others, spread the "Good News", give instruction, rebuke ungodly behavior, and to pray!  Some communication is impact neutral. Daily we must get across ideas just to exist. We can tell others of our hurts and pains, of interests and fact, and to transmit a sense of social care. We can express concern with communication or conversely or lack of concern.

 

Apathetic people use words such as "whatever", "who cares", "so what" and "why should I?" Concerned people take the opposite attitude: "I care!", "Tell me more.", "That's important!" and "I can!"  Communication as expressed words define our character and disposition. One of my favorite expressions is "words mean things!".  If the word doesn't get across the message by itself, the person's attitude who's speaking supplements. A roll of the eyes can say more than any positive word uttered!

 

"Effective word communication" then is the use of words which express the ideas and thoughts as precise as can be to the listener. Sometimes words take on opposite meaning!  The words in pre-1900 "My Old Kentucky Home" were "where the darkies are gay". The former word is no longer used and the latter has a totally disconnected meaning. Be careful what happy person you refer to as "gay"!

 

As an example of effective communication let me try this one: "The large iron machine which moves dexteriously" describes what? This was a foreigner's description of a robot! This is a true example.  Many words were used to get the thought across, yet the words selected are an example of ineffective communication.

 

Listening is as important to communicationa as speaking! 

 

James 1:19 (KJV) " Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,..."

 

All Christians are to be "swift to hear"! That means we listen and try to understand what we are hearing. Although "hearing" is the processing of sound waves, there's a reason we hear? We must be able to apply what we hear!

 

Proverbs 2:2 "So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;"

 

We hear to gain practical knowledge and apply the knowledge gained for value-added purposes. Wisdom is taking the knowledge to heart and frivolty is hearing, but not perceiving!

 

Being "slow to speak" means we are applying wisdom by listening, evaluating and not responding until the entire process is in place. We don't "put my foot in my mouth", so to speak.  This is the "process" part of the communication act. If you think about it, the people who are the most wise have lips that move little, but say much when they do move!

 

As defined, speech is an art and a technique. There are professional "wordsmiths" whose speech are the music of thought. Great speechwriters are in as much demand as other artists. It really takes creative abilities to take disconnected words and unite them in such a manner to motivate and enthuse. Each artist has their own technique just as distinctive as their manner of dress. A great speechwriter must write not their own personality into great speeches, but capture the identity of the person speaking! Each one of us have a technique in the presentation of words and also  varying degrees of artisitic ability.

 

Have you ever been with anyone that fires off words just like an automatic weapon? These people neither pause for reflection nor look for feedback to see if the listener understands or even cares. They love to present their view and aren't interested in two-way discourse. Many of these same people  aren't even listening! If they're not speaking; they're organizing their next word spray. These speakers aren't communicators. They're inconsiderate story-tellers. It's wise if you're a speaker to look for signs that the person to whom you're speaking is listening or if the listener seems interested. If the answer to either is "no". Ask the person a question which you're sure will engage the person.

 

What's this got to do with being a Christian? It goes right back to self-indulgence. Some people just love everything about themselves! They are proud, not meek. They don't care much for others. If you'll notice, the most loving people are those who listen, empathize and help. Although "talkers" may have the same Christian concerns, the listener fails to perceive the "care" on their part. It's all about them!

 

Good communication means speaking about subjects which the listener enjoys. A co-worker sat down by me at lunch one day and said "Do you like football?" I replied "No, I don't care for it.". He ignored my lack of interest and told me about last night's game for thirty minutes!  I was flabberghasted!  When I'm speaking of my hobbies I look for genuine interest. If I perceive the interest to be feigned, I quickly change the subject. If someone fails to look enthused or ask questions about the subject, you need to move on. They ARE NOT interested!

 

If you want to make friends, ask them about themselves. Quit saying "I did this." "I love this.", etc., but say "What do you like to do?" Or "What's your thoughts?"

 

If you're wtinessing to a person, the same goes. Everyone doesn't want to hear a sermon, but may notice a brief reference to what Jesus can do or did for you. If you go into a tirade you may turn them off. If the listener fails to ask questions, move on quickly. Be a friend and someday the Lord may lead them to care enough to ask questions.

 

With people at church be a good communicator.  Be a balanced listener and speaker. Do speak, but just not to "hear your own head rattle" as Dad used to say. Speak also, but speak in a conversation, not a siloloquy. Be loving in your speaking. Love means cherishing what you're hearing. You don't have to agree with it, but pay the other party courtesy. Wait your turn to respond. Listen to what you're hearing. Quit developing your own rebuttal or one-up until you hear the entire thought. Perhaps, a little honesty would help too. If you're off on a never-ending boring conversation tell the other part nicely "I never really got interested in this." or "I really don't know that person." and if that fails "I wanted to tell you about ______." you fill in the blank.

Matthew 13:14 "And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:"

Hearing doesn't impress anyone! Understanding does. Great communication is converting sound waves from a source into phonetics which make words; then to convert the words into thoughts and then process the thoughts through knowledge and wisdom such that you understand the speaker. You're now half through! Pause for awhile. Listen. Listen to silence. Listen to non-verbal signals. Listen to your self-critique. Then listen to what your friend has to say!