There seems to be a problem with many who have these characteristics. Their order may be better described by others as knit-picking, their stubbornness as pride and their attempts to control as tool for preserving their own inadequacy. It is they who attempt to manager others, although they've never been managers. It's of no concern to them that those they seek to control are superior in most respects to them. Perhaps anal retentive personalities are engaging in a war to preserve their own fiction!
A trait of the anal retentive person is a negative disposition. In an attempt to minimize those they perceive to be superior, their defense mechanism is a readiness to "put down", make negative comments and insult those with whom they associate. They may not even be aware of how negative they always are. In fact when one is offended at their negating the friendship, the anal retentive person actually blames the other person although their are no rational reason for the blame! In fact irrationality is the world of the anal retentive person.
The irrational person skews reality. Rather than facing the facts head-on, the anal retentive person puts on a superior attitude. It's of no consequence that this person has little portfolio for the superior attitude. It's only important that "I'm me and I know more!" When contradictions are pointed out to this type of personality, they can skew circumstances in their mind as quickly as a blink, protecting their power-seeking identity.
It's of no use to argue with this person because truth changes as the need to protect their position changes. If the person says the light was red when the intersection was entered, for instance, and the light was still yellow, this person will twist reality by saying "Well, in a second it was going to be red!", thus maintaining their own rightness. When told "almost doesn't count" the controlling person may say "Well, you could have caused an accident!" The argument never ends because it's always changing. Reasonable people can't argue because reasonable people do not have to win arguments. Only irrational people must protect their own "little secret". They know they are inadequate!
Relationships are unpleasant when one person is anal retentive, has a negative disposition, is irrational and controlling. The system is out-of-balance. Nothing, short of God, can change this person! The anal retentive person is committed, but only to him or herself! Therefore, the system, be it marriage, family, church, workplace or whatever is out of balance and loyalty is not there since the person is only loyal to self! It's "my way, or the highway!"
Think on a friend or coworker who lack commitment in a friendship or even a working relationship. Their attitude makes it difficult to love. It's hard to love someone who is always badgering! People often isolate themselves from people who are of this personality type.
This personality can be different things to different people. It depends on whom they feel threatened. They can be ameliorating to even strangers, but war-mongers to friends and family. It's as if they are somewhat bipolar, but not different people at different times; but they are different people with different people so to speak. The casual observer may see a friendly loving person, but those who are closer see an irrational disagreeable person. To get along with this type of personality, not one iota of dissension is allowed. If they feel threatened they immediately go on attack. The loving smiling person wields weapons of mass destruction. The tongue tells their attitude!
Christians are to act in this manner:
Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.People with negative dispositions are not prone to rejoicing. Rather than being happy in their "have's" they have resentment because of their "have nots". They never seem to be satisfied and something is always happening to ruin their pleasure. These negative people have little peace with God. They see not that what is here is only temporal and inconsequential in the eternal scheme of things. Their wants become what's paramount to happiness.
5 Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
We're told to think on positive things: what's true, what's honest, what's just, what's pure, what's lovely, what's of good report, what's virtuous, and there is to be praise as we think on these things. The person with a negative disposition is not in good standing with God because they flaunt his will! In short, they need to change! It takes commitment to change and the first step is to see one's own short-comings. Unfortunately, the person who is negative looks at the self through defective lenses. They are fooled. It's always the others who are at fault. Unless that attitude changes, they will face defeat!
We are all to do the things Jesus did (and as did Paul): what we have learned, received, heard and seen! Paul never had a negative disposition (after he was saved) and Jesus never did! Why, then, do people persist in demanding their way and being angry if they can't control. The answer is lack of commitment. They are not committed to loving others nor God. They are not loyal to others nor God! They are only committed to the self. Think on these things!