Friday, March 20, 2015

Interview from Hell: Progressive Preacher

This is Bill O'Really with The Facktor. Today we travel again into the depths of the fiery pit. Of course I am in our special FAX News capsule, shielded with ceramic tiles and with a life-tube attached to the most astounding cooling system possible. I trust that I can enter Hades, interview my subject and return without incident! I've done it twice before, but it is draining because, even with the cooling, temperatures are in excess of 105 degrees!

There have been those who say that even preachers are in hell. How can a man of God who has devoted his entire life to service to mankind suffer such a fate? We'll see how it all came about.

Let the wench lower me now into the tunnel five miles beneath the surface of the earth. As I travel each mile temperatures will increase exponentially. It is said that hell is seven times hotter than fire! I didn't believe that until my first trip down this entry into the abode of Satan himself! No, he doesn't live there yet, but it will be his eternal home I understand when he is cast down!

Staff, look up that scripture for me, if you will.
Revelation 20:2 "And he laid hold on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the Devil, and Satan, and bound him a thousand years, 3 And cast him into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season."
I understand that when Satan is first cast down it will be the millennial reign of Jesus. There will be peace and happiness on earth with Satan bound.  Contrast that with life today where Satan is Prince of the Air, so they say!

Let's examine one of our  experts as we travel "south". I have Frank Ingraham connected remotely. Let's check with the Reverend Ingraham now:

Bill: Hello Rev. Ingraham. Is there such a place as hell and is the devil real? What say you?

Frank: Yes, Bill hell is for real just as heaven is for real! You see, rewarding someone for their faith would be fruitless unless there was something to save them from! Those who believe and trust in Christ are saved from the very hell you are visiting at this time. However, Bill, you can return with your special equipment, but sinners are bound for eternal punishment!

Bill: "God is love", does not the Bible say, Frank? How can a loving God punish those he loves with such a harsh punishment?

Frank: Yes, Jesus is a loving God! He loves you as your own father would. However, your father wants the best for you and wants to see you safe. Sometimes fathers must threaten to punish, even severely, to get the rebellious child to obey. He does that out of love!

Bill: But I understand that God will do more than threaten. He will actually administer punishment!

Frank: Bill, if your father only threatens to punish, but never punishes, he loses respect. Be sure that God is truth and for those who reject Him, they will have to be punished! However, he gives all men a choice. It's his gift of grace! God doesn't do the punishing; he removes the safety barrier from around the one who dies in sin and Satan inflicts his cruel sentence. The sinner is a child of the devil and he is disciplined by his father! Here's what St. John said about this:
John 8:44 "Ye (sinners) are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do."
Frank: Some say that we are all God's children. That's just not true! We are born of the flesh, but we are adopted by Jesus. It was God's plan that all children born become his. It was planned that way from the beginning!
Ephesians 1:5 "Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will..."
If we aren't adopted by Jesus because of our faith in him, then by default, all others belong to their fleshly father, the devil!

Bill: It is reported that in the United States that 80% say they are Christians. Just a few will "go to hell" so to speak. Is that right, Frank?

Frank: No, Bill. The opposite is true! Even the demons believe in Jesus, but it takes trust to be born again as an adopted son of Jesus. Demons lack any trust and most of those 80% lack faith in Jesus, which is by the way "trust"! We can tell true Christians by how they live. If they still live like the devil, they are still children of the devil! The Bible says this about how many will populate heaven:
Matthew 7:13-14 "Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."
Bill: You've even got me a little worried, Frank. I was born a Catholic and have always believed, but I must say, I don't know what "born again" even means! Am I in danger?

Frank: It's not for me to judge, but maybe if you went ahead, if you're sorry for your sins, to repent and let Christ redeem you by his blood. That's trusting in Jesus because he says that there is no salvation without the shedding of blood. That blood was his!

Bill: I'm not yet convinced, Frank.

Frank: That's what the monarch, Agrippa, told St. Paul, Bill.
Acts 26:28 "Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian."
Frank: Heaven is not a game of horseshoes, Bill. You can't ALMOST go there. To get the ringer, a person must truly believe and have faith in Jesus. It must be the stake, which is the Cross, on which Jesus died, and no other!

Bill: Thanks Rev. Ingraham. I'll think on these things tomorrow!

Frank: Yes, Bill, that's what most people say they will do, but you know what they say about tomorrow! The right time is always now, but the right time may only occur once!

Bill: Bye for now, Frank, and thanks for your opinion. The Facktor is the "no spin zone" and you gave plenty of evidence to support your claim! Let me continue my journey into the pits of hell.

The cable creaks as the capsule lowers. The temperature gets hotter and hotter, even in the protective shield. Even one little crack in the armor and Bill is doomed for eternity. He remembered something about "the full armor of God"! "I wonder how that would help?" thought Bill.

The capsule stops. The destination has been reached. "There appears to be fire everywhere" thought Bill as he peered outside through the diamond reinforced glass.  He laughed as he thought of the Simpsons "I'm Hank and I sell propane and propane accessories." Bill, thought "Where is that little guy?" He smiled as he thought "Hank Simpson deserves hell!" Then the Holy Spirit spoke to Bill. "Yes, Bill. All men deserve hell!"

Bill: There he is. I see him now! It's the Rev. Brain Jellison of the Presbyterian Church, USA! Hi, Brain. What are you doing here? I thought you were still alive?

Brain: I am Bill, but God, for your interview, has given you a window through time as he did Isaiah and the other prophets. No, you're not a prophet, but God agreed to allow you to visit the future so that others can learn. I know this because the devil told me to say this. I do what God says sometimes and what Satan says at other times.

Bill: You mean, that you believe in God, but allow the devil to lead you?

Brain: Yes, I believe in God... always did, but the God of the Bible was unjust, so I did things they way they should have been done!

Bill: What should have been done in the church, Brain? What say you?

Brain: Read the quotation on your teleprompter, Bill. It says it all!
“Finally, the church in its constitutional documents fully recognizes that the love of gays and lesbian couples is worth celebrating in the faith community,” said the Rev. Brian D. Ellison, executive director of the Covenant Network of Presbyterians, which advocates gay inclusion in the church. “There is still disagreement, and I don’t mean to minimize that, but I think we are learning that we can disagree and still be church together.”   (Largest Presbyterian Denomination Gives Final Approval for Same-Sex Marriage; LAURIE GOODSTEIN; MARCH 17, 2015)
Bill: Was that really you, Brain? Your names are so similar.

Brain: Could be. Maybe not! I'm a liar so believe what you want!
Brain: "I'm mad as hell!" I'm in hell, or will be in the future, Bill, because God is wrong about social issues. Social justice is as important as salvation. God is wrong, and I'm not sure he's real anyhow. He could never punish me this way since he's supposed to be "so loving"!

Bill: Doesn't the Bible say something about preachers as yourself? Staff, put up that quote on the screen for all to see. Ah, there it is:
2 Peter 2:1 "But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction. 2 And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of. And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not. ..."
Bill: As they say, Brain, "It looks as if you got your just deserves!"

Brain: I'm right, Bill, on this one. It's God that's wrong! Oh, it's so hot down here! Excuse me for a second, Bill. I must turn away from you for a second.

Bill: What's happening Brain?

Brain: (Looking refreshed). My old flesh was depleted. It was burnt up. I get a new flesh every few seconds as the old burns away, I'll have new flesh to give to the fire. It's an eternal cycle and is so painful! What did I do to deserve this?

Bill: It appears, Brain, that you were responsible to teach truth, but were deceived by your Master whose home will be here with you!

Brain: The Bible is just a good teaching in some places! It's not really God's word!

Bill: Considering the pain you're in right now, I would think that you'd rethink that!

Brain: Satan told me that and he told me other lies too!

Bill: And they were?

Brain: That God won't really condemn me; that God isn't Almighty;  that I can do what pleases me; that women can preach in the church; that homosexuals are born that way; that "doing good" is a ticket to heaven;  that Jews are responsible for mid-east wars, and many other progressive thoughts! "After all", Satan told me," this is the 2000's!" It would appear that times have changed and the Bible is antiquated!

Bill: Have your ideas changed?

Brain: I'm still right! I will not bow to God if he even really exists! Why serve a fictitious God when I can serve justice to people on earth? Poverty is more important than where a soul spends eternity!

Bill: Jesus could have wiped out poverty with one more miracle. He could have touched only one person to heal poverty from the whole earth. He chose not to do that! Why are you placing such high priority on "social justice"?

Brain: (As he screams in agony). He says to help the poor! I did just that! But it seems that I didn't have the heart to agonize with Jesus as he died on the Cross because I have doubts about that really happening! He was a good teacher, but really... he died for all mankind (a weak snicker)?

Bill: It's rather warm in here too, Brain. Maybe I should look into being "born-again" (Bill snickers)!

Brain: I see some other preacher friends over there getting new flesh to offer to the fires. I hate their guts. I despise them!

Bill: But you are just as they are!

Brain: No, Bill. I'm different! I'm me!

Bill: Brain, it seems that you worship yourself, but do you really? I would think that you've been deceived. Your father is the devil!

Brain: I did some of the things that The Bible spoke of, but some I disagreed with! I didn't hate before I died, but I hate everybody now! It seems that with hell comes hate!

Bill: While on earth, what did you think about Charles Stanley, Billy Graham, David Jeremiah and many of the preachers who taught Bible truth?

Brain: They were Christian fanatics! They were right wing zealots!

Bill: It seems that you hated truth on earth, Brain, and those who taught truth.

Brain: Truth is relative, Bill. There are shades of grey. I understand "Fifty Shades of Grey" from a popular movie. I never did sexual things, theft, murder, or lying!

Bill: Did you support "pro-choice" ? Did you do anything to save those being killed in the name of sexual freedom? You are an accomplice to murder, Brain, whether you admit it or not! You lied to the congregations and to your church by allowing things God hates! I understand that the Nicolaitane in the Bible allowed sexual activity in the church and with your support of same-sex marriage you are a Nicolaitane, it seems: Staff, put up the quote on lasciviousness.
Revelation 2:15 "So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate."
Brain: Nicolaitanes were those who were pimps like Balaam. There was much evil in the churches at that time. But, that's from Revelation. Who believes that silly stuff?

Bill: Those who are now in heaven did, Brain! In fact you allowed evil in your own denomination! It seems that Revelation spoke specifically about your type of church!
Revelation 3:14 "14 And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write; These things saith the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning of the creation of God; 15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. 16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."
Brain: But I believe I did what was right! (Screaming violently).

Bill: It seems you were deceived, Brain... and you deceived your entire congregation, if what Revelation says is true!

Brain: I have had enough of this God stuff, Bill. I hate you and everyone at FAX News. I hate everyone now! Hate is my creed because I am as my Master! Get out of here and let me have the isolation hell provides. I hate everything and for eternity my M.O. is "hate". Damn you, Bill and your stinking interview. Now out of here!

Bill: What more could I say? Not a pleasant place to interview, let alone to be... forever even!  Thanks for the interview, Brain. I wish other church leaders could learn from your misfortune. Scripture says that they probably won't, but perhaps some progressive thinker will kneel to who appears to be "The One True God", Jesus! Stay tuned as Meegain Killy brings you The Killy File next. Her "Break Neck News" will interview Godly pastors who teach truth. They will tell how "Reverend" (snicker) Brain Jellison went wrong. Stay tuned! The word of the day when writing The Facktor is "prevaricate". Don't prevaricate about the gospel when you teach others!

Oh, by the way, Brain. This is only a look at the future! I understand that God is graceful! He can forgive anyone who repents. May I suggest that? However, it's got to be before you die and in God's time, not yours!

This is Bill "O'Really. Saying good-bye!





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