First off, the typical Muslim would ask "What in the hell are you traveling to Jahannaam for? Osama's in Jannah!" (Jannah is Arabic for heaven). Any sane person would say "Don't bet your sweet bippy on that! Osama is as far from Jannah as Mecca is from Mars!"
However, before we begin our journey down into the fiery pit let's look at this Islamic hero for just as short spell.
Osama bin Laden, or in English, Osama, son of Laden.
"Osama" means "lion".
"Laden" means "loaded" or "encumbered".
Hence, Osama bin Laden is "Lion, son of Loaded". My guess is that Mr. Laden was pretty loaded from the poppy fields of Afghanistan if you look at his mind!
Have you ever noticed that American names are mostly just names, but in other countries, names mean things? For instance "Barack" is an African name meaning "blessed". (It's Mubarak in Arab). "Hussein" is Arabic for "good" or "handsome one", and "Obama" is Kenyan for "bend" or "lean". Hence our president is "Blessed Handsome, but Bent". That's how he was elected.
Osama bin Laden was responsible for terrorism throughout the world! Three-thousand people died in the Twin Towers attack in New York City. Who was to blame? Although, idiots say that Bush did it, Osama gets the credit! This one act alone pretty well explains why Osama is in Jahannaam, or Hell, according to us infidels!
Let me explain very quickly how this interview is to be. FAXNEWS has developed a cartridge, insulated from temperatures seven times hotter than fire, cooled inside (about 105 degrees), to be lowered down a shaft to the very center of the earth. This is the location of Jahannaam and is the fiery pit which is described in scripture:
Revelation 20:3 "And cast him (Satan) into the bottomless pit, and shut him up, and set a seal upon him, that he should deceive the nations no more, till the thousand years should be fulfilled: and after that he must be loosed a little season."The "bottomless pit" is hell. That's where Satan will be, but where Osama is now! He joins there his prophet Mohammad, the dreamer of the most insane religion ever conceived! What's more, Osama reveres Mohammad on earth, but in Jahannaam Osama despises him. Why? Because the dupe Osama bought into the lies of Islam!
It's time now. Mr, Bill O'Really, will make my third trip down this hellish shaft to interview the most hated man this side of Hitler, having many of the same views, I must say. Turn on the fan, lower the wench and let's go! This ride takes time. Bear with me a few minutes.....
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Thanks, we are now arriving at the gates to hell. I see the River Styx in sight now. There's much river traffic today. I see many many Arabs on barges going to their eternal home. They have a crescent on their robes. I guess the grim reaper sorted them before their journey. We'll land at the communications room of the devil himself. There it is! I see MSNBC on the podium. They strongly support Islam I guess. Satan steps out now I can see him!
He's not what we imagine. No red pitchfork and horns that I can see. He looks as handsome as Tom Cruze and dresses like James Bond or Vladimir Putin. Quite a handsome fellow and can he sing! He's singing a parody now. Yes, it sounds like "Stairway to Heaven", but the lyrics are "Fell down the Stairs Instead of Heaven". Ah, yes. That's one of the seven gates to hell... the stairs! That devil sure sings well! It appears from Ezekiel 28:13 that Satan was most likely God's head musician before he rebelled. That may explain why secular music is of his genre so often!
I just heard the swoosh of our stopping on the fire-proof pad. We don't want to interview while we're being stewed after all; pun intended. Let's give the lead to Mr. Lucifer first: Damien, what say you?
Lucifer: Ah, Bill. You know my first name. Only those who know me well dare call me Damien. How well do you know me, Bill?
Bill: This is NOT about me, Lucifer. I know your tricks! I request an audience with one of your most famous "guests" if I may use that description?
Lucifer: Actually, we call them all "fools" here, Bill. We assign them a number and a name. Who you seek is Osama Fool 34576823. For short we refer to him here as "Islamic Fool Osama" or "IFO". We love acronymns! They are so misleading!!!!
Bill: I demand that I speak with him. I just find it silly to be polite with you Mr. Lucifer.
Lucifer: Bill, I admire your belligerence and bravery, but you must demand in the name of Jesus whom I fear. I don't fear you at all!
Bill: Yes, in Jesus name, present him to me.
Lucifer: I must obey at that sound of that name for it is said "every knee shall bow".
Lucifer: (After a short time): Here he is Mr. O'Really. Here's Osama Fool 34576823 or as I said "IFO" for short.
Osama: Get me outta here O'Really. I didn't get my 72 virgins and it's hotter than Arabia down here!
Bill: My research team has found that according to Quran 44:54 which says that one man will wed many women. Further verses indicate that these women will have full breasts, indicating they are young virgins; and that all the virgins will be satisfied with only one man. Paradise or Jannah, for them, will be a place of sensual sexual pleasure. Osama, I don't see any virgins here! All I can see are slutty looking women covered head to toe with ugly back dress. It must be Halloween here! What say you?
Osama: I was tricked! I was supposed to go to heaven because I killed many people for a ticket and hoped to be killed. Martyrs for Allah should get a "Go Straight to Jannah" ticket.
Bill: It seems that Islam is a little confused or so it seems, Osama... or do you prefer IFO?
Osama: Don't call me that, Bill! That's what the principalities call me because they think I'm so stupid because I believed the lie above and beyond everyone. The devil is "good"... at fooling people that is. The Temple of the Rock is supposed to be where Mohammad ascended to Jannah, but it appears that he was fooled too! He's right over there, in Jahannaam with the rest of us!
Osama: As far as confusion, you be the judge. I am taunted by what the Christians told me: Matthew 7:15 "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves." I guess that was Mohammed!
Bill: Osama, did you ever love Mohammad?
Osama: Islam knows no love, Bill. Islam is all about "control from the devil", although paradoxically it means "submission to God"! The mantra chanted by liberals everywhere "Islam is a peaceful religion" is the greatest lie today. Mohammad never wanted Islam to be peaceful. He was just as I am! Mohammad was a terrorist on camelback!
Bill: Americans would call that intolerant, Osama.
Osama: Then let them come to hell for awhile and they will discover truth! There must be easier ways to find truth other than punishment for falling for deceit!
Bill: Christians seek truth from God's word, not this "other god" who claims the name "Allah". John 14:6 "Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." I was taught that in catechism class, and now I think I believe it! You see Jesus is subordinate to Mohammad in your view. Rather than being God with us, for Muslims, he was just a prophet. Did you know that he died on the cross for you too, Osama?
Osama: But I'm a Muslim. Why would he do that?
Bill: My research team gave me a possible answer: John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Osama, you were included in the "whosoever", but it was conditional! One must "believeth in him", but not as prophet Jesus, but as God Jesus! Your Allah was never Jesus, but Jesus is God!
Osama: But why should God have mercy on me? I hated Christian infidels!
Bill: Luke 23:34a "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
Bill: It appears that if you had listened to the knock on the door by Jesus, you wouldn't be here in hell... excuse me... Jahannaam.
Osama: Any chance of getting outta here, Bill? I'm beginning to understand.
Bill: My staff says it's too late. No one can be prayed out of hell. People must make a wise choice while they're alive.
Osama: Normally, Bill, we all burn intensely all the time here and everyone taunts us continually. For just a few minutes for this interview Lucifer allowed me to speak with you. He made me promise not to listen, but to convince you that you're wrong. Bill, I'm all about hate and terror and that's what I choose. I would never turn my back on Satan because things are bad enough as it is. Be off with you now!
Bill: I'm sorry that you were so evil. Good-bye... forever! I hope I never see that man again!
Lucifer: Bill, are you sure you won't? Ha ha ha ha!
Bill sees Osama singed with heat now, his brow dripping with melted skin. He hears the Bayowolf bellowing from within his capsule. The banshee scream of one in extreme pain is paramount. Osama is alone now... in agony. His millions are of no avail. He begs his master Satan constantly for relief, but gets only devilish scorn. If only... if only... he thinks as he pines for just one drop of water!
Bill: Whew! Back on the surface now. I hope to never go there again, especially forever. That would be hell! The word of the day, folks, is "retardment"... when making a decision don't let falsehoods be a retardment! That's means "don't delay". The time is now!
We now will follow-up this one-time interview shortly on "Breaking" with Mygain Keeling. Her guests will be a bishop, an imam, and a preacher. They will tell jokes about the falsehood of hell and condemn people for being so intolerant. Stay tuned!
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