Remember how exciting it was when someone you wanted to be friends with clicked on that "friends" link! You excitedly responded in the affirmative.
Then as those new friends "grind their axe" they quit following. This type of friendship is a facade. The devious "friend" is not a true friend, but wants the other person to believe that the friendship is mutual. That's Facebook. That's how pixelated friendships work. That beautiful digital picture begins to depixelate just as when you lose your television signal on digital televisions.
If this was merely Facebook friendships it would not be a big loss for most "friends" are either mere acquaintances or acquaintances of acquaintances. They are easy to befriend and defriend. However, defriending is serious business. The one defriended is assumed to be a terrible terrible person!
James, the writer of the book of the same name, was a stickler for obedience. The two things we are to do as Christians are to love God and others. "Others" include even evil people! In order to separate friends and enemies, Christians use criteria. However, it's not always a fair criterion which undermines the friendship.
James 4:11 "Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge."We are not to harshly judge. The standard by which most people judge are "perceptions". It doesn't matter the true guilt or innocence, but what appears to be right and wrong. How would those who use a perception standard like that same standard used against them? The answer is obvious!
The other standard people use is "His or her sins are greater than mine"! That may or may not be true. There are magnitudes of sins, even sins which cause reprobation. However, whose criteria is to be used? Each person uses their own criteria in judging because our own big idol is greater than the other's little idol. People do what they need to do to protect the fiction about themselves!
Christians want to appear "good". However, deep inside each knows their own evil. The way to protect the hidden status of their own deeds, the proverbial finger is pointed toward the other. "His sin is greater than mine!" That justifies (sic) the spiritual status of the sinful Christian. No; it's how the devil uses a person's own ego to rationalize their own spiritual laxity!
"Good" people can be victims of this indictment. I say "good" because no one, but God, is truly good. Men only endeavor to do good, but all men fail. Even Christians fail. However, the minute one Christian fails, the others have two choices: encourage, but admonish, or judge and damn. Too many Christians are quick to judge harshly. They damn the other and by doing so, and themselves as well!
I recently met a fine man. He seems to have his Christian chin up in spite of being harshly indicted by his friends and fellow Christians. Even the leaders of his church alienated him by withdrawing encouragement. He was "defriended" by those who at one time "befriended" him! His wasn't a social media execution; it was real life! As much as Facebook defriending may hurt, actual defriending is devastating! Why?
Scripture tells us to "love one another". That's not an option, but it's how our Christianity is manifested. "Love" then, is not an emotion. It's a work! Yes, it takes work to "love". That work is empathy, fairness, being non-judgmental, forgiving and communion. Love is forever. Loving a person is the standard for friendship. If a friendship is severed, all love is gone and the traitor is in danger of hell-fire judgement! Remember, even "loving your enemy" is an obligation!
We are to use the same metric in judging others as we would have them use for us. However, self-righteous people use a different metric. "His sin is greater than mine!" They should not fool themselves. They are taking God's Law into their own hands. Condemning Christians who indict others are Pharistical vigilantes.
The way to make the devil smile is to play his evil game. Christians who fail to love do his dirty deeds for him! Christians' entire vocation is to please God. That's why we even live! God is displeased when his children fight, even with the neighborhood bully.
What are we to do? Never defriend. Friendship is a relationship so strong that it never ends. Those who defriend were never true friends. They merely had acquaintances to kneel at their altar. They pleasured their own god, their own "selves". The thing that Christians can do is to topple their own idol. Praying for the self-righteous person is the only way because only God can topple idols. Never cease praying for those who have wronged you! That's not what we want to do. We want revenge if we're honest about it! But God wants us to love, be friends and be patient. If it's God's will he CAN make it happen!
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