Sunday, March 20, 2016

On Child-rearing

I have been dreading this topic because too many millennials have been influenced by social opinion and automatically disagree with me, although reason and experience would side with traditional methods of child-rearing. Prepare to be angry with me enough to want to set me straight. I'm used to anger because I present truth. Anger is a natural response to scriptural truth.

One of my favorite things children are called is "Mini-Me's". In the Austin Powers movies Dr. Evil had himself cloned and his creation was a "little person" who was named "Mini-Me". In essence Mini-Me was an idol of Dr. Evil. He was an idol of Evil's "self". He was made in the image of "evil" ironic as it may be! It seems far out because at the present there are no known human clones, indeed there are billions of "personality clones". All around us are behavior induced Mini-Me's, some doing good, but most doing evil!

Those "good" Mini-Me's are truly a copy as well. Their parents are spiritual mentors and they truly are a copy. This can be good, conditionally that is!
Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
God inspired this manner of child-rearing. Christians are to pattern their children's character after God himself. Rather than being a "spiritual clone" of the parents the child is to be a copy of the Father in heaven. As such, the Father who begot the Son made the Son without flaw. We can't do that because our children are not divine, but we teach perfection, knowing that the goal us not obtainable, but is still desirable!

This passage implies that to train one must model the behaviors to be effective. Dr. Evil could not train Mini-Me to be good because he was evil. Likewise, to train a child to be righteous, the parent must be righteous as well. Too many parents fail to recognize that "Do not do as I do; do as I say!" is a failure for character building because  effective training must be modeled. Those poor parents who have good children have failed in their training because, obviously, those children in spite of that choose to be what their parents are not! Those are miracle babies because God wrought grace upon them!

God goes further than mere teaching. He endorses modeling as the means of training!
Deuteronomy 6:6  "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."
"These words" (God's wisdom) are commanded to be in the hearts of the parents. That makes the parent a "spiritual clone" of God. After they are right themselves, then the parents' job is "to teach them diligently unto thy children".  To teach righteousness requires the teacher to be righteous. Parents are to be Mini-Gods in an obedience sense and children are to be "Mini-Me's" of a righteous parents rather than allowing Dr. Evil to be the model!

The Bible refers many times to a man "who pisseth against a wall".  What they do is unclean (as a dog) and futile. The modern term is "peeing in the wind". Unless we are righteous (clean) ourselves, teaching righteousness is like peeing in the wind. What is taught blows right back to the origin and what's dirty can't flow forward.  Teaching righteousness from unrighteous parents is an effort in futility. To teach right, one must be right with God themselves.

The first rule in child-rearing is to get yourself where you want your children to be.

One of the most noticeable traits of millennials is that they have been spoiled. Adoring baby boomers wanted their children to have what they went without. Baby boomers were children born subsequent to WWII when soldiers came home tp anxious wives. There was a population boom. Many of these soldiers were reared in the depression and had little. They were frugal parents and most taught their children frugality.  Many baby boomers were comfortable in necessities, but had few luxuries. As such they wanted their children to have what they didn't have!

Now the millennials have their own children. They cloned themselves!  Now the mantra is "I want my children to have the luxuries I have and I wished I had more!" Millennials on the whole saturate their children with mountains of "things" and constant entertainment. They create Mini-Me's galore. We're surrounded by them!

This modern generation wants what the previous generation has without the time and work to legitimize it. By the use of fake money (credit) young people have what it took the previous generation years to attain. However, the older generation owned what they obtained whereas the younger generation has only borrowed it!

Those of the Y-Generation (born subsequent to 1982) have come a long way! They grew up when times were good. They are products of the electronic age and the prosperity it brought. Not only that, but the electronic age brought electronic entertainment. When I was a child I listened to static on the radio and watched the "snow" on the television when we even had those. Now, people can game with those on another continent  or romance with virtual people on the internet whose make-up amounts to ones and zeros, the genetic identity of beautiful people on the internet.

Every new toy and entertainment medium is promptly displayed all over the world and society's corporate awe exclaims "I gotta have that! It looks like fun!", and right then the parents go buy it for "deserving" children to keep their munchkins from "hating them"! Love can't be bought, but parents still depend on that because they spend too much time working instead of loving so that they can buy THINGS.

I must admit: I lived in "the good old days". Poverty is training par excellence for success! The hardships and lack of things motivated me to accomplish and be successful to EARN those things. I have joy in the memory when my father took me to the five-and-dime and bought me a warm coat when I went off to college in Michigan, which by the way, I paid for without borrowing! The tears in his eyes when he said "I wish I could help you more." meant more than anything he could have given me! The millennials missed out on that and it's my best memory!

What word describes the attitude for the modern generation? It's DESERVE. Even car advertisements show young people who exclaim "I want the car I deserve!" What makes them deserve it? They haven't worked for it yet, It's bought on borrowed money! They DESERVE things just because "I am me!" when in fact they are just like their parents; they are Mini-Me's!

Part of feeling they DESERVE things is because they have always had things, but not because they DESERVED them, but because parents try to buy their love, and some who even attempt to right their own childhood by giving kids what they didn't have. Children do NOT DESERVE anything rather than love, reasonable nourishment and training. What they DO DESERVE is a chance for the hope of salvation and although the parents can't save them, they can present that hope: Jesus Christ!

DESERVING has reached new extremes. Younger people even think they DESERVE heaven because their parents are Christians or because they are taught "If you behave I'll GIVE you ...whatever!" Some parents even reward their children for behaving well and this becomes the metric for reward! God never rewards us for just doing "good" for only God is good, so why do parents do that? They are not doing what God wants them to do!

Scripture teaches industry, hard work and honor in patience and sacrifice. Poverty is a product of disobedience, but it's useful as a key ingredient for success. I will recount my own blessing.

I have things now because I did without then. The lack of being affluent made me affluent. It was not of me, but of God. It wasn't necessarily the things I did which made me achieve, but the things which I did without!

Dad could have borrowed money for my education. I would never have allowed that. I still will not borrow for things I can do without and avoid borrowing for things I need by planning ahead. The modern generation are driven to spend as fast as they earn and when peril comes, they have to borrow to continue on. Borrowing compounds the problem. People have things, but they have the stress of borrowing for things. Their priorities are on themselves rather than God. They model this failure for their children and with each generation the problem is compounded. People look for a name for these people. I will call them the "D Generation" because of the attitude "I DESERVE to have!"

For myself, I worked my way through college. I was ready to quit when fiances got tough, but God got me through! However, I had to sacrifice to succeed and that I did with God's comfort. I actually went eight full days and nights without any food at all (not even a slice of bread) because I had no money. I had only water to drink. God kept me from danger and made me strong. My test grades were even better because my mind was clear and I spent more time studying.

That was the extreme, but that was pretty much my life for four years. I didn't DESERVE to be in college, but God provided a way. When I wanted to quit for lack of THINGS, God got me through it. Now I reap the rewards of THINGS not getting in my way!

I like "boy toys". When I raised my children I never bought them for myself. My children came first. I waited until I was middle-aged before I bought a cheap boat and retirement before I had a motorcycle, Now I'm blessed. I set priorities for my family and made it through. I even tithed and gave generously, and have been rewarded with an affluent period in which to spend my last days on earth. I have no regrets. I have fond memories of making it through tough times!

How did I make it? My Dad reared his children right. I had one birthday present my entire life (a watch) and only one toy for Christmas ever (from my brother). I didn't DESERVE things and I didn't get things for which I did not work! I earned money, but it wasn't spent on entertainment nor things; it was spent on clothing and shoes to help my Dad. Now, I have fond memories of sacrifice and hard work. I have fond memories of my struggling Dad who didn't go in debt to give me THINGS!

Dad was the clone, or nearly so, of God's desire for him, and he passed that along to me. I am my Dad's Mini-Me because he brought me up in the way I should go! No, that's not a perfect way for like Paul, I'm a chief sinner. However, I know that I don't DESERVE anything, but by grace I have many things! I don't DESERVE heaven, but I have the hope of reward because of Jesus' grace.

For those parents who create Mini-Me's who DESERVE whatever they want. they come to believe that they DESERVE heaven. For those parents who reward their children for being "good", they train them to EXPECT heaven for being "good". For those who give their children so many THINGS, it's THINGS they come to worship! The Bible teachers perseverance and sacrifice, not immediacy and luxury.

Those toys, games, CD's, iPads, nice cars, and concerts which seem a necessity now, are temporal. The desire for those will be lost in the glory of heaven. Train your children now to prepare for heaven.  Hope for one gift is acceptable: we can HOPE for heaven and get it by grace, not because it's DESERVED!

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