Bringing Up Chidren

A neighbor posted on the neighborhood association web page that he had his grandchildren for the summer: What was available for them to do? There was about thirty posts. All but one was related to all the available entertainment in the area. One said simply, "Put them to work!" It's a shame. Only one of my neighbors was wise and had common sense.

How do you help your children in life?

• Buy them their own cell phone. It's so important that they chat with strangers. Also, cyber friends are so much better than real friends.
• Buy them video games. There is a big demand for gamers in industry. Perhaps even more in the government.
• Make sure that they have MTV in their room. It's essential that they learn about the government, and how screwed up America is from those who know. Likewise, how would they know how beneficial abortion and same-sex marriage are unless their favorite rock stars tell them.
• Let them spend your money on C.D.s  Someday those C.D.s will grow and make a lot of money. (Oops! I was thinking about monetary C.D.s). Perhaps they may buy one though which is worth more than the celluloid on which it is printed in five years when a new recorded mode comes out.
• Be sure and allow them to watch PG and R movies with you so that they can learn to filter out garbage. At least, that's your rationalization. By the way, all the gratuitous sex they see may help them in dating. We don't want them to fumble in the heat of the moment do we?
• Give them an allowance for just existing. It will teach them how to get the government to support them later on.
• Support them in their career choices even at a young age. There is a big demand for singers, dancers, and other entertainers. Allow them to spend their time with rock bands and street dancing. They might get rich - or maybe not.
• Never give them any work. It is child abuse to make them do things they don't want to do. They should spend all their youth years having fun because that's what they will be doing as an adult. You can fund them now... you can fund them later.
• Let them eat whatever they want. They can lose the weight later, and learn to eat healthy when they get old. The doctor will enforce that then so you won't have to now.
• Don't bore children with your frivolous attempts to befriend them. They don't want to hear about un-fun things. Only talk to them about things they want and want to do.
• If they get hypnotized by their TVs, don't be alarmed. They are being programmed with useful information that they can use against you later.
• Let others teach your children about sex. They won't buy your prudish ideas on  abstention anyway. Allow the health department to come into your schools to teach them how to use a prophylactic. They may need one tomorrow because they may want to try out what they see on TV.
• Make sure your church entertains on Sunday. Children require continuous entertainment. Your church should appease their desires. They can't afford to lose one hour of fun. That's a whole 0.6% of their fun-time wasted!
• Don't force Christianity on them. They'll hate you if you force them to go to church. They can decide when they are adults on their own. Their professors will help them, so don't worry!
• Your child deserves good things. Never deny them anything or they'll hate you. Make sure they love you by getting them all the things they deserve just for existing.
• Let them "date" at a young age. Start arranging get-togethers between little girls and little boys. There may not be time later, and it's never too early to be thinking about marriage. Serial romances are great practice for serial marriages, and they need to learn that early.
• Always trust your child. They will never lie.
• Always side with your child. They will do no wrong. Acknowledge that any trouble is always the others kid's fault.
• When your child is punished, always side with your child. Teachers just love to pick on your child. They teach them bullying at teacher colleges.
• Complain when your child is not first string on sports teams. It's always the coach who just can't see how good your child is.
• Church revivals are for old people. Let your kids stay home and do fun things. They can always get saved when they are old.
• Reward your child generously when they obey. Reward them when they disobey too because they'll hate you if you don't.
• Pay them for making good grades. They need incentive to achieve. A promising future is not enough!
• Never say negative things to them. It will hurt their feelings if they learn that they are not better than everyone else.
• If you give things to one child, give the same to them all without regard to obedience our need. They expect free things. Don't disappoint them.
• Kid life is for fun. Never make them do difficult or challenging things.
• Clean their rooms for them, and clean up their table messes. They surely will all have servants when they are on welfare, and they need to get accustomed to their life-styles.
• Furniture is for their enjoyment. Never discourage their rough-housing on the furniture. After all, it can be replaced.
• Get them several pets. They surely will take are of them. Bring them into the house so that you can clean up after both your children and their pets.
• Reward them when they whine. That will be useful throughout their life.
• Reinforce their disobedience by giving into their demands. This makes leaders out of your children. Unfortunately for them, though, is that in life they will have to learn to follow before they can lead. Maybe they will be able to skip that step by manipulating their superiors.
• Let them stay up late. They might miss something on TV. Plus, all the good adult shows are on late.
• Their room is theirs. Never go in there. They deserve their privacy. Besides that, you may not like what you learn in there.
• Let them watch TV while they eat. They might miss something important on it. Besides that, unless it's on, you might have to discuss serious things.
• Make sure they get to go to the movies. They don't have enough to entertain them at home. Plus, at the movies, all the good scenes are left in. The language they hear can be filtered out,  but recalled when they get angry. After all the "f word" and OMG is in, and they must fit in.
• Your child is special. He is a prince and she is a princess. You're a mere servant. Know your place. When they grow up, if they ever actually mature, they will expect that from everyone else.
• Remember, life is in general is all about your child. Give them everything they want because they deserve it! After all, they'll hate you if you don't.
• Get used to paying for their enjoyment and desires. That sets the tone for the rest of their life.
• Makes sure your child is crowned on all holidays. Christmas and Easter isn't about Jesus; it's about them. Birthdays are the time where your child is king or queen for the day. They'll never be too old to expect exclusive attention if they are taught greed early on!
• Children have rights just as the bread-winner does. Never interfere with what is right in their own eyes. They will always do right things, and what they are hiding is none of your business anyhow. They pay their part of the bills and what they have is theirs. (Oops! Maybe not.)
• Remember the following scripture: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6). That will interfere with what's important to the child. God must surely be wrong on that one! Bring up him/her to have their own way, and when they are old, they shall not depart from that!