I feel lost not writing when I'm inspired. Then regardless of whether it's read or not, today I write. I may not tomorrow because I may not be inspired tomorrow!
Today, I agonize over one thing: I live my life to obey God, but yet I feel insufficient in my Christian life because I have trouble "loving" God. I do believe in, have faith in, trust him and respect him, but loving is the hard part!
We are accustomed to having the emotion of love. An emotion is the human body's response, both physically and mentally, to excitement. It doesn't need to be wondrous excitement, but can be as simple as gratitude. On the other hand excitement can be fearful as well. Basically, emotions are how the body responds to the surroundings; the input into our body system.
Let's take sexual attraction., for instance. From a man's viewpoint, because we're visual, when we view a beautiful woman in a bikini, we respond. Sure, we say that we merely enjoy what God created, but in all honesty, that's a nearly impossible task. Men respond, even into old age!
Admiration comes at first glance. We think "What beautiful dark hair!" Most often the interaction time is so fleeting that the emotion of "appreciation" ends here. With more time, we notice other attributes and with that, our body system starts to act. Our eyes examine, our mind processes and our body responds. With response the emotion of "lust" engages. We can feel it! Our heart beats faster, we warm inside and our mind, if we allow it, can take a joy ride through fantasy land. It's that ride that God tells us to flee. It's imperative to keep our exposure to temptation to a minimum!
What I described is an emotion that most of us have felt. Many confuse "lust" and "love". Love doesn't have exotic and abrupt signals. It may be mere content. With that the body becomes apathetic in reality. With contentment comes a feeling of being "pleased". We are satisfied with the security of having someone to share life with, and maybe even have happiness in companionship. What I'm alluding to is that "love" does not have heavy-duty tell-tale signals to flag the emotion. Its' most difficult to even know if we're in love because the body and mind aren't consciously engaged in agreeing to the feeling inside.
Love is more an attitude than an emotion. Making a relationship of love requires a positive outlook and a non-critical spirit. This applies to people as well as to God. We must look toward a relationship with a commitment that a satisfying relationship is not only possible, but that it can be!
When the mind and body are in disagreement, we're confused. Many mistake the excitement of a fast-beating heart and being flush with "love". That's why those in "lust" think they are in "love" and relationships fail because emotions are misread. God wants us to experience love while Satan is content with us being confused between the two. Many relationships do start with lust, but mature people oftentimes outlast the lust until love develops. That's right... love is something people mature into through time!
Lust is instantaneous. "Lust" is what's commonly called "love at first sight". because of the strong emotional response our body feels, we think "It's meant to be!". However, most often it's not!
I'm not sure that "love" is an emotion as is "hate"! With hate we have biological and physical responses to outside events or people so that we have the same palpitations and inside burning that we have with lust. In fact from a Christian standpoint, lust and hate have more in common than lust and love! Lust, without enduring friendships, can quickly grow into hate! Satan wants us to hate each other because God is "love", hence he uses lust to advance hatred!
My point in this argument, is that "love" may not even be an emotion! It certainly is an "obligation" and therefore a "work". When we take wedding vowels we pledge to love each other. We can't swear that we will "feel" love for the rest of our lives, but we can swear that we will put forth the effort to love each other! There are ways to "work" at love: Communing is one. Empathy is another. Sharing another, etc.
Secondly, God says in effect "love me by obeying my commands". That is the "work" of love. We do things which God likes and don't do things God dislikes! He wants us to love him, others and even our enemies. He wrote standards in stone in how we demonstrate love. There are ten! We can't even do ten things to show our love, so how is it that we love God? That's what's hard for me. I question my love for God at times because the emotion is not there, and I fail him in my works.
I do get excited about God! I get happy when people turn their life over to him. I hope that's a sign that I love God rather than "that person is now just like me!". It goes back always to self-interest. It's hard to discern whether we love God, or merely our self! For instance, if I'm born again, am I excited because I'm in a safe space and fear of death is under control, or do I love God for his grace in making me a new person? It's difficult, you must admit!
Let me be an alien for a moment. I come to earth and see human beings. I look at different peoples and focus in on those who claim to love. I read their book and say "That's good. I like that religion!" Let me watch some of those who claim to be "born-again", followers of Christ. It's not evident that many followers do much following. In fact I would swear, as an alien, that they must have another God. It seems that they are into "self worship" because they aren't doing what their God says he wants them to do! They are doing what's right in their own eyes.
As I, the alien, continue to watch this religion of "love" seems to do much "hating"! There is a battle it seems. These Christian earthlings battle in mysterious ways. They have built forts with steeples and put different names on their forts. They gather there because they're right and those in the other forts are wrong. They stand at a parapet and hurl verbal bombs at each other. Yes, some have twisted what their book of love says, but others are just into the "self". Only their regiment is right. In fact each person has their own little agenda which satisfies their "self".
Within these forts scattered throughout the communities are secret warriors. They sit there in their pews and criticize the officers and each other. They have their own rules of engagement and get angry when the officer in charge challenges their methods of operation. The officer is often devoted to God, but it seems that the soldiers battle only for themselves. In fact there is little camaraderie. People either don't obey the book at all, append it as out-dated, add easier rules or totally ignore what the book says because they would rather be worshiping the "self". They want to "do it my way!" where "my" is their "self".
I'm just an alien but I'm confused! Why do these followers of what they claim, not follow who they claim? I saw in their book, which I read, that there are certain things they can do which sets them apart and demonstrates to their God that they love him. Not many people are doing those things!
Their excuses are many! Some are just lazy. Some have another God before him and others are confused because of "grace". Since God has grace and their salvation is a free gift, they claim that a life of sin is of no consequence. They think that God's love covers disobedient people. Grace is what God has for them before their saved, but afterwards what they do does matter! People aren't into the "doing" part. It's the believing that comes easy, but as an alien I see that even what they call demons believe! Then what is the difference?
Back to the earthly me now. I have trouble loving God because I have trouble with obedience. As long as this troubles me, I feel guilt, and know that God is still betrothed to me. If a person has no guilt and can sin freely then they become calloused and are reprobate.
Back then to me as an alien: I don't know when that happens, but God does. As an alien to the earth, now returning to my assumed role, it seems that most Christian earthlings are alien to Christianity! I hope that I'm mistaken because oftentimes I'm one of them!
To overcome the devil, one must not go by emotion.We have a "promise of salvation" and faith is trusting that promise. If we weigh our salvation on an emotional concept of love, we're doomed. We measure our love by how we treat others and what we do for them. Again, many of us must be aliens because I don't see many Christians loving God by doing what he asks us to do!
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