Love is an emotion? The best of the different definitions applies to those couples who are "in love": "A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance." (American Heritage Dictionary). Obviously, it is affection for another. "Affection" is an emotion. There we go; just as was expected: Love is an emotion!
What would you say if I said that love is a duty? It's something you're obligated to do! Look at the following:
Ephesians 5:24 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it..."
God didn't "recommend" that we love our wives. He didn't give us different choices: tolerate her, appease her, be a friend to her, kind of like her and so forth. It was a command to "love your wives". We are to do it. Since we have to DO, love is more than a feeling. It's more than an emotion.
Of course wives are to love their husbands as well and show their love by means of the passage which preceding this one:
Ephesians 5:24 "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
Marriage is a "picture" of our relationship with Christ. Just as Christians are to love and respect God, man and woman are to love and respect each other. Wives show their love to their husbands by "subjecting" themselves just as Christians "subject" themselves to Christ! It's clear that God doesn't expect a woman to be a servant or slave to the husband to show her love, so it's necessity to examine how Christians are to "subject" themselves to Christ.
Being "subject" is submitting to. Look at this:
Ephesians 5:21 (ESV) "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
We are to be thoughtful and have charity for others. Instead of focusing on our self-interests, we prioritize the interests of others. In the case of Christ, we put him first. In the case of the wife, she puts the interests of her husband at least on equal par with her own, if not before her own! We are REQUIRED to do that! Why? "Out of reverence for Christ!" Just as Christ was a servant to mankind, we are to serve others. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you..." The Golden Rule!
Peter says a little more about a wife's submission:
1 Peter 3:1 ( ESV) "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives..."
Wives must honor and love their husbands. By doing that even an ungodly husband can be won over. A person is convinced to love by being shown love. Those who are loved have joy in loving. Husbands, if you want your wives to love you, show them love. Wives, is you want love from your spouse, love him! Demonstrative affection wins over!
We are to love our mate as the Lord loves us. How are we to love the Lord?
Mark 12:30 "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
This is the bride's kind of love for the bridegroom. That's the church's love for Jesus! "Heart" is emotion. "Soul" is with full communion between your spirit and God's. "Mind" is how a person meditates on the emotion. The "mind" fulfills the duty of loving a person! "Strength" is power. It's produced by work. It's obvious that loving God is more than emotion. It requires work and we have a duty to do that by using our minds to guide us in that direction. The mind is the link between body and soul. Emotion is a product of our humanity and love is a result of our mind guiding our body and becoming one in spirit. Love of God is becoming his soul-mate.
Likewise, our love for each other, especially are betrothed, is more than the dictionary definition of emotionally being attracted. Loving each other is a duty! It is work. Just as we become soul-mates with God by using our minds to guide our emotion, we must also do that with each other! We are to be in unity. That's a duty!
Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
Let's first look at what God didn't command: He didn't say" They shall live together in animosity with one another." God didn't say that, but that's how couples live! Why? Because they don't strive for love and unity. When the erotic spark is gone couples abandon philio love. That's the love that dear friends have for each other. That's unity. With an erosion of unity eroticism is not lost. It's only immersed in selfishness. The mate has quit being submissive to the needs of the other!
Self-interests hurt love: He said something that hurt me. He smells. He's a know-it-all. He's old. He's heavy et al. An encouraged mate can be more charitable, can bathe, can be sorry, will exercise and eat right, and can at least live as if he's not old. There is a cause and effect in love. If one mate is sharp-tongued to the other, love is diminished. If the mate, on the other hand, is encouraging (submissive), the encouraged mate has a better attitude and is more loving.
The mental aspect of love is "attitude". That's a state of mind. Man has cognition. Man can control what and how he or she thinks. Rather than denigrating the mate in the mind, elevate the mate. Look at the qualities, not the flaws, for those without sins (flaws) themselves should cast the first stone. We work to put up with each others flaws. By putting effort into love, it's strengthened! Who desires for your love to diminish? One person! Have you guessed? Satan.
Satan's desire is to destroy unity, harmony and love in a marriage. He does that because of God's desire for us; that we become as one and love each other. Satan thrills when a married couple gradually drifts apart and the love flame is extinguished. A smoldering marriage needs rekindled. God provides what's needed for a loving relationship. His spirit guides our mind toward love, and if we're committed, then love abounds!
"Committed". Like I said earlier, love is more than an emotion. It's work. Couples must be committed to love by enduring Satan's roadblocks. That's hard work! In jumping Satan's hurdles, we stumble. Sometimes we falter when faced with the height of the hurdle. With God, all things are possible! A loving God is the author of love and if we humble ourselves and call on Him, he's there!
The notorious line in Love Story, the movie, was "Love is never having to say you're sorry!" That trivializes love. "Love is the work of keeping that spark alive." If it takes being sorry, then sorry it is! If it takes a mindset change, then a change of mind it is. If it takes an attitude change, then change the attitude. Those are the work of commitment. We love another by effort!
"Love at first sight" is more like "lust at first sight". We grow toward love and love means stoking the fire. As for me, I had lust for my future mate and took the advise of Paul:
1 Corinthians 7:9 "But if they cannot contain (lust), let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
I married so that my lust would be satiated. My lust (eros) is still there, but it's accompanied by true love (philio). God through his love for us (agape) has made my love turn from purely eros to love from the heart! Each day that goes by I love my wife more, and when the time comes that eros ceases to be important God will grow my love from the heart and Satan will be defeated. That's the work of love!
Without fulfilling the duty of love, we lose. When Satan throws up that final roadblock and one mate or another, or both; give up, Satan is there. He will tempt! Satan lays down another carpet. He convinces that the "grass is greener" in the other heifer's pasture. Love is a "need" It's as basic as the need for food and water. Satan knows that and if love is not fulfilled by one, all he has to do is to provide another. Satan has then sorrowed God, has condemned you and destroyed the sanctity of marriage through triangulation.
Dedicated love is the reward we get for commitment. What feels better than when our mate loves us dearly? Only knowing that God loves us more, for one is the picture of another. Joy and happiness reside in love! Misery and depression is the product of love unrequited.
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