On Love and Hate

"Hate" is NOT the opposite of "love", although many who write lexicons may disagree. "Hate" is the extreme passion toward harming another person. It's detestation! The emotion of "hate" is anger. It comes naturally. We're born with a propensity to hate because its genetic. Because we are selfish, we protect our "self". When our "self" is threatened we begin to loathe what threatens us.

On the other hand "love is a work". It doesn't come naturally to love everybody, although most people are born predisposed to love those who nurture them. That is instinctual.  In order to overcome our selfishness and relinquish animosity for what threatens us, requires an extreme amount of work.  My main contention that "love is work" comes from scripture of course:

1 Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Love is difficult to define, so Paul describes it's qualities and what it is not. Note that the antitheses of love fits well with the characteristics of hate.

• "Love is patient and kind". Those who "hate" are normally impulsive and rude. Road rage is an obvious example of man's propensity to hate. We don't even know the person, yet we may scream, holler, some may curse and a few may even use their vehicle as a weapon. Some have even pulled a gun and shot people they don't even know because they are impatient and selfish!  It takes self-control to be patient and empathy to be kind. Both of those things are work!
• "Love does not envy and boast". Braggarts boast to magnify themselves. Bragging and exaggerating is all about pride. Even when a person's status is ordinary, they put their "self" on a pedestal to be recognized. By elevating the "self" at the expense of denigrating others, is belittling. It shows no love of others. Boasting may not be hateful, but it is a demonstration of lack of concern for others. Those who love others care about the feelings of others and do not put them down to build themselves up! Envy is associated with boasting, because our "self" wants to be greater than the other people, and bragging is an attempt to do that. 
• "Love is not rude." I've felt that. Even people who claim to be my friends have been rude to me. Being rude is more what we do to those whom we dislike. I've had "friends" "unfriend" me on Facebook. I've had friends turn their back on me when I offered them a hug or a handshake. Even when I've tried to small talk with Christian people, I've had them "busy" themselves with fumbling or other people. Being rude is not a trait of love, yet Christians who should love are sometimes rude to others. Personally, that really hurts! I promise I will never be rude to friends nor even enemies if I can help it, because caring (the opposite of rude) is something that just might make a sinner seek Christ!
• "Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful." Love of others is cutting off your own flesh, symbolically speaking. Our little "god of Self" above all, "wants its own way"! That's why pleasuring the "Self" is "the other god" which we put before God. Insisting on our own way is idolatry and as we show love for our god, we fail to show love for God and others. Being self-centered is not being Christ-centered and Christ's first desire is for us to love him, and we are to show it by loving others! I've had people who are irritable to me. Just a short time ago a person, when I reached out my hand for fellowship, gave me an irritated look. Irritating words never have to be said, they are spoken silently in expressions and behaviors. Any person, especially in church, who would snub another is irritable and hateful! Those who resent me for my flaws are judging me by a different standard than the one they have for themselves. That's unjust and an indication of self-love rather than love of others.
• "Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth." Some people don't want to hear "truth" because it conflicts with their perception of things. The "Self" wants others to fail because it makes them look better! Think not? Consider those who sin. Christians are absolutely ecstatic when they, with low voices, gossip about the sins of others! Even if there is no sin, they belittle others for  even being tempted, as if they are beyond temptation! Some Christians are even resentful when they believe perceptions and then find our that they weren't true! People "get off" on the misfortunes of others who they "hate" or are pleased when they fail. Those who truly love will trust what they're told enough to accept it as truth. Those who love their friends will give them the benefit of the doubt. Loving friends are those who would never indict another based on perceptions. How would it be if perceptions were allowed in court? Nearly everyone would be guilty!
• "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."  These are the positive aspects of love. "Bearing all things" goes back to being patient. We're to listen to reasons, probe for truth and love without conditions!  "Believes all things" is giving the benefit of the doubt if any doubt exists. With my friends I ALWAYS credit them with being truthful and recognize that what I see or hear may be wrong, only partial evidence or coincidence. As for "hoping all things" that''s tied in with "believing all things". My hope is that what I hear and see from others is truth. I have faith in them enough to give them that bias. That doesn't mean that people are always truthful, but that I love them enough to have faith in them and our friendship! Now for "endure all things". Should we throw love away because we're disappointed in a person. No! We stand by them because that's when they most need us! Do we want our friends to abandon us when we do wrong or they think bad things about us? Not at all! A friend is one who loves us and that person endures our wrongs. Would we abandon a child who we love when we're disappointed in them? Not at all! The same should apply to friends as well.

All the traits of love are either things negative we don't do or things positive which we do! Either way, it takes much work to love other people. If we can only love perfect people then we will never know love and we would never have any friends. That's sad!  In none of the traits listed for love are emotions of paramount importance. Love us much more than a feeling.  It's a doing! This is emphasized by a command:

John 13:34 "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another."

Emotions are automatic. We have emotions because we respond to stimuli. Jesus commands us to love each other. By commanding that implies that we're to "do" the thing he commands. "Doing things" takes effort and effort is work!

Back to my contention that hate and love are not antonyms: It takes work to love, but hate is instinctual. Even children who are nurtured will display tantrums when they fail to get what they want. If that happens enough it grows into resentment and resentment into dislike and dislike into hate! Many grown children hate parents who nurtured them well and kept harmful things from them!  I said hateful things when I was immature. I had a loving father. He sacrificed much for us all. His children came first, but because one time I didn't get my way, I said "I wish Dad was dead; then I could do what I want!".  Now I would give all my possessions if I had my Dad back because I truly love him.

I've had friends who I've lost. I loved them because they were friends. Some I left behind when I moved or changed churches. They no longer keep in contact with me. Others I've lost because of conflict. I'm still friends with them, but it's doubtful that they are still my friends. That's sad, because when friendship is gone, it's because love is gone. All those things which make up love which I commented on above, are gone.

I like the term "BFF". That means "best friends forever". That's true with me! Any friend I have is a friend forever because I will never cease loving my friends! They don't have to be "best friends" for this to be true, but any friend. Love is forever! Friends are meant to be forever!