Transference: Anger with others

Transference is when emotions toward one is redirected toward another. An example is when the boss yells at his subordinate, one can't kick the boss. Oftentimes the employee takes the anger home and yells at his wife. His spouse may then scream at the son who in turn kicks the dog. Each step is transference. It would be much easier if the boss just kicked the dog! The poor animal would get the worst of it but the middleman would be cut out of each step.

The boss has his violence and the dog gets the pain. However, in each step there is emotional pain which hurts as bad as being kicked. Unfortunately, those others caught up in the emotional grapevine wither as the anger begins to boil. This transference creates imbalances in relationships, and the entire system becomes dysfunctional. The source of the inbalance is the boss's immaturity, but each participant creates more inbalance. People live their lives in inbalance, and the victims are mostly marriages and families.

Who wins here? There is one winner - Satan. His method is to destroy marriages, families, and friendships. It is love which is under attack. This inbalance is also transferred to the children who grow up as inbalanced as the parent. The boss is merely the catalyst. Satan assigns them that role. Let's be clear who the "boss" is here; it is any person who fails to offer their old self to God! Sure, they give a part of the self but not all. That part they sacrifice are the easy things but it is hardness which they hang onto. Rather than being meek, they are proud, and as their own god, everything is about them! Sure there may be a pretense that the demand be for others, but inevitably those who are in love with themselves, it's all about them, even to the discomfort of those they claim to love.

Those types of individuals are narcissists but it is not Narcis they worship, but their self-god who must be appeased! As an example, let us look at Narci Allforme. Everything is all about him. There are two things which Narci demands: (1) servitude and (2) immediacy. He wants it, and wants it no now!

If Narci gets it from his servants, he is more empowered. Others seem to worship him just as he demands. If he doesn't get it now, his methods are to make everyone miserable until he is appeased. Compromise is never an option, but being a jealous little god, he wants 100% compliance to his whims without any delay.

Sometimes Narci fails to obtain immediate servitude. He has a tool to handle that situation. There are many tools - anger, intimidation, feigned maladies, sympathy, blame, and many others, but the tool is multi-use; it is manipulation. If Narci doesn't get his demands fulfilled - now, the implication is that his loyal subjects don't love him much. Then his wrath is forthcoming. It's time for ranting, raving and blaming!  His subjects don't enjoy that, and emotionally "tap out". They can't handle the stress any more, and relent. They become emotionally starved and spiritually weak. They love this little god-type so much that Narci always gets his way,

Narci needs help. He needs to save his family from him; he must quit the self-worship, and worship as God wills. He must do his reasonable service and hang that naricisstic behavior on the cross near where Jesus was hung. There were three crosses for à reason. One was for the prodigal son, and the other for the proud son, since Jesus was the Good Son.

He must do unto others as he would have them to unto him! That's golden.

What must others do. Quit putting Narci on the pedestal and serving him. By doing that,s they will keep from harming other relationships. It takes courage to stand up to other gods, but that is tough love,