On Jealousy

This particular sin is hidden in the Ten Commandments - right there within coveting. One may say, "That's not coveting because rather than wanting what is mine, my desire is to keep my own!"  The thought is reasonable but wrong: jealousy is coveting. How so? There are coveting after things, and coveting after people. You might say, "I don't covet my neighbor's spouse, my mate does." Effectually, what you covet is what the neighbor's spouse has. He or she has the attention of your mate. Therefore, the jealousy is the attention being received by the one who is the object of the jealousy.

What are the attributes which one has to make another jealous? It can be anything, but usually it is sexual appeal or outward beauty. Sometimes, it is an amicable personality or camaraderie.. Whatever the attribute, Satan and his powers use those attributes to create an atmosphere of jealousy!

Jealousy is of God, but it's misuse is Satan's. In fact, God is a jealous God! (Exodus 20:5). He hates it when his lovers turn to another lover, and fornicate - in a spiritual sense of course. Therefore, jealousy has spiritual and emotional components. The emotional has an affect on the spiritual, and Satan uses that to create chaos in the lives of people. When mates have animosity toward one another, they are doing what Satan desires, except, of course, for righteous jealousy.

Just as God is jealous that people have other gods, people are jealous when they perceive that their mate has a person who is the object of affection. That is a natural emotion to have because of original sin. I'm not even suggesting anything lascivious, but even friendships. Because husband and wife, or boyfriend and girlfriend, are the best of friends, they are intimidated by those of the opposite sex who have a seemingly better friendship. Many people reject that idea and pay the price; it is difficult to have opposite sex friendships because of marital unity. A third party can triangulate that unity in marriage or courtship. We've all have made that mistake!

It is better to have a marriage in unity than close friends which remove the unity from the marriage. The same goes for those who are dating. True, some can do that. For instance, my son's "best friend" at his wedding was Mary, who was indeed, his best friend. There are exceptions to everything, and that must be remembered, but it is based on the emotional security of all involved. Mary felt no attraction for Jason except for philio love, and Jason felt the same toward Mary. Amanda examined this friendship, was secure in the love that she had, and didn't feel threatened. I've seen that same scenario in divorced couples. A new friendship scenario is built with an ex-spouse, new spouse, and the other spouse. However, it is a rare thing, and all parties must be secure. Insecurity is what Satan uses to dissolve unity!

Insecurity is the feeling of being threatened. Because a couple is "one", an outsider increases the possibility that a relationship of one may become three.  One of the couple feels threatened. That is normal. In fact, if there isn't a little jealousy in a relationship, there exists two possibilities: (1) It is not a relationship based on love, or (2) the pair have a supernatural ability to trust.

My thought regarding jealousy and trust is that if one person of the couple is willing to breach the bond, that the other person be willing to release him or her, but only if one is not committed to retaining the relationship.

I've exposed the demon! Jealousy is the lack of trust - not having confidence that the other is truthful, reliable, and has fidelity. To ensure my own trust, because I know the power of Satan, I wrote several pages of marriage vows in addition to those in the formal marriage rites. Why? Because I know how powerful Satan is, the thorns people have in their flesh, and that the world is a provocative place. We all may be tempted with any type of pleasure, and I wanted my defenses to be in place. If in any relationship, that defense is not established under God, Satan has a target for his barbs.

Extreme jealousy is psychologically delusional jealousy - suspicion to the degree that a person is often pre-occupied with the infidelity - even emotional detachment of the mate without any proof. Essentially, the one deluded feels so threatened - being insecure, that he or she builds a falsehood. The person creates a mental image of something which is not there, at least in the magnitude they envision.

If the jealous person is jealous of the friendship, it may actually be a friendship, but that is not reason for jealousy. The way to combat friendships is to be a better friend. Those deluded fight friendships with isolation and negativity. That's not what God wills, but is the outcome of manipulation by invisible forces. God wants man and wife to be exceptional friends. Friends trust each other by definition!

Colossians 3:12 "Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13  Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Christians are to do God's will! What is that? Re-read the above scripture. Kindness, longsuffering, and forgiveness are paramount. Longsuffering is failing to give up easily; having patience in the face of trouble. It is Satan's will that we give up easily. After all, that is the way of the world.

Relationships are built on unitizing two worlds. I define an individual's world as the boundary around them including their personal space. When two people unite, the gravity - the seriousness of the venture, brings these two worlds into collision. Satan uses the collision as a means to destroy. On the other hand, God takes the two, if His will is done, and makes it one larger world encompassing the two. Satan's method is to create enough chaos to make those world's collide. Satan is persistent; he never gives up. Just when the two worlds are operating smoothly in one sphere, the Devil shoots one of his barbs. Jealousy is a very effective and fatal barb!

How does jealousy work? Person X shows interest in Person Z. Perhaps X notices the beauty, personality, or grace of another - usually with a member of the opposite sex. Person Y, the mate, wants that attention as one's own. That is reasonable. But then Satan puts erroneous thoughts in Y's head, and a bizarre world is created where the world of X and Z become one. X and Z, in this fantasy, are a new world, and Y is left alone. isolated in his own world. Unity seems to be broken and animosity abounds. Y begins to be jealous of Z, and distrusts X without regard for reality. With time, mistrust turns into disgust and hatred, and Satan smiles. What God has joined together, the Devil puts asunder. He is patient in his timing. After all, his end is further away than ours.

Ironically, in Y's created isolation and frame of mind, distrust may push X further away. Of course, if X understands the nature of sin, he or she will be longsuffering as well.

Delusional jealousy is based on partial truth, coupled with deception. The best way for Y to stay in unity with X is to have the relationship which Y manufactured in the mind -  the one X and Z seem to have in Y's mind.

Delusional jealousy is pathological and can lead to emotional illness. Stress is the outcome and misery comes with it. Some of the symptoms of delusional jealousy are ("Extreme Jealousy Disorder In Relationships | Retroactive Jealousy OCD". Retroactive Jealousy Crusher. 2016-10-13; parentheses mine):

• Accusing partner of looking or giving attention to other people.
• Questioning of the partner's behavior.
• Interrogation of phone calls, including wrong numbers or accidental phone calls, and all other forms of communication.
• Not allowing any social media accounts, Facebook, Twitter (or watching closely).
• Going through the partner’s belongings.
• Always asking where the partner is and who they are with.
• Isolating partner from family and friends.
• Not letting the partner have personal interests or hobbies outside the house. (or limiting).
• Controlling the partner's social circle.
• Claiming the partner is having an affair when they withdraw or tries to escape...
• Accusing the partner of holding affairs when the marriage's sexual activity stops...
• Verbal and/or physical violence (or attitudes) towards the partner, the individual who is considered to be the rival, or both.
• Blaming the partner and establishing an excuse for jealous behavior.
• Denying the jealous behavior unless cornered.
• Threatening to harm others or themselves (harm may be emotional revenge).
  

Relationships in Holy Matrimony are symbolic of the bond between the bridegroom and His bride - Jesus and the Church. If Satan can only break the marriage, he is well on his way to breaking the spiritual marriage between X and Y with God. Therefore, the way to have fidelity to each other is to remain faithful to God. When there are perilous times, God is the bridge over troubled waters! Trying to combat Satan on one's own is dynamiting the bridge after Satan has sneaked across. He is certainly more powerful than we are - unless we take the sword which God handed us - the Word.