THE FIXER

 

  I am awake at 4:00 am. I awoke hours ago. That is the normative. Since I am an engineer, my job was to fix things. I prided myself that I was the “fixer” at Corvette and Chevrolet-Indianapolis before that. During college and my long career, I laid awake at nights figuring out how to solve and fix things. I have been awake all night, last night, and most nights; trying to fix familial relationships.

  Most people are unaware but because I was unable to “fix” my family, I chose Family Systems Counseling as my graduate school major. During all those many hours of study and classroom participation, I learned two things: I still did not know how to fix people, and especially my family. The system was broken, and I could never repair it. Afterward, my own family system continued to fracture even further, and right now it is entirely broken.

   My insomnia is a futile attempt to recognize the broken pieces and put my family back together again. Of course, I know that it would be glued, and one piece would always be missing. I am now part of another family system, and that one needs to remain unbroken.

  I am not at peace, and none of my immediate biological family is. How so? is unimportant but let me label the children as A, B, and C and the parents as X and Y. “X” is the mother.

  X and A are separated, and the bond is broken. X and Y are broken never to be part of the system again as one unit. A is totally apart from B and C, and distant from Y. B is broken from A and C. A is broken from B and C. B is broken from A, C, and X. As you can see, there are few pieces of family members who can adhere to the others at all.

  You see, I am not wise enough to put all the broken pieces back together again; not even two pieces together. I try most nights how the “puzzle” can be reassembled but one Big Piece is missing. Even I missed it, and “it” was there all the time. Let me call the Big Peace “T” to represent Him well. He is Jesus.

  The Presence of God in earth is Jesus. He is God manifested to mankind, but few people saw Him as He truly was. Jesus came to heal the nations, but many did not want to be healed, and still do not. Jesus is the Fixer, and He never failed. We did. The people preferred to remain broken. Whenever that is the case, the Fixer agonizes. Jesus sweated for mankind so profusely that it seemed as if they were blood droplets. I agonize over my family so intensely that I cry “blood drops” so to speak.

  Jesus was meant, we think, to bring peace on earth, goodwill toward men (Luke 2:14). That didn’t happen. Instead, “ ³⁴ Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. ³⁵ For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. ³⁶ And a man's foes shall be they of his own household” (Mat 10:34-36).  Foes in one’s own household is the broken family system. Jesus broke the family, not because he crushed it, but because He is the missing Centerpiece, or the “T” Person of the family.

 Ironically, the broken family should be because they love each other more than God (Mat 10:37), but it is because Jesus is not loved. In other words, Jesus has not broken my family, but sin has. Of course, that “all have sinned” is a given because that is Scriptural. A, B, C, X, and Y have sinned. T never has, and hence, He does not fit into the broken system because the other “letters” will not have Him solve the puzzle.

  Jesus is the Fixer. I am not but try to be. That is mankind’s problem; we all think that we can fix things but like the psychotherapist, mere people cannot fix spiritual things! No one has ever figured out how to fix hatred. However, Jesus must be included, and all must be of one accord and ready for Him to come back (Acts 2:1).

  Everyone must want fixed and the proper “glue” must be available. And of course, it takes time to set. Jesus is the missing “T” and the glue that bonds is love. Being of one accord is allowing God to heal the broken “whatever,” and the family system is under attack more than ever.

  I am frustrated that I cannot fix my broken family. “B” even had a sign on his wall: “A Family Is Forever.” Even B’s family was broken to pieces… twice! Satan continues to break families so long as family members are not vigilant. And with that family broken, the nearby “cups” are broken as well. Not only is the “pitcher” broken in my own family, but so are all the “cups” around it. Divorce causes disintegration of the entire set and sub-sets in the family system. B1, B2, and perhaps B3 are broken as well, and the damage goes on!

  One thing I notice; families without God often remain unbroken. Satan focuses on the family as James Dobson says. God intends to focus on the family, but for the family, He is not there. Families must be God-centered with the “T’ in the middle to remain unbroken! Love must abound.

  “Toughlove” is loving those hard to love by allowing them total independence to the point of seemingly uncaring. X and A are that situation, but love must be there on the part of A for that to work. It indeed is tough putting all the chipped pieces back together again. I am an engineer and could not do that… but Jesus can!

  A, B, and C must understand that when they are individually broken or separated, X and Y are in agony. X and Y struggle to put things back together again but good intentions are not adequate “glue.”

  Toughlove is hard “glue.” Psychology taught that method. The proper “glue” is loving kindness. Because X picked the wrong “glue” does not mean that her intentions were bad. She just made a bad decision. Rather than resent her mistake, A should realize that A has made as many mistakes as X. Forgiveness must be used to put the lost pieces back together again. That is tough, but real men should be tough. But they also must be tender in gently placing broken pieces back where they belong.

  A and B are sometimes irrational. Angry people cannot fix things without breaking more. A and B broke Y but A and Y are slowly making a go of it again. B broke himself. He saw all the other pieces and decided to fall off the shelf. He wanted to be broken as well!

  C seems unbroken because she is functional despite the “cracks.” B and perhaps A see that her cup seems capable of holding water and compare their broken “cups” to hers. They cannot see the struggle she has of keeping herself together, let alone bond with the other pieces. God holds her together but all alone. Y is held together as well although he too is cracked and already shedding shards.

  X is on her shelf alone. She is broken. Occasionally B glances her way, and C spends time sipping from her cup, but she could be better used. A will not even sit on the shelf with X and the damage continues! Satan will not be satisfied until the whole cupboard is broken.

  It can be fixed! Jesus is not only a carpenter, but the exact translation is “tradesman.” He can fix anything, but it is conditional; the glue must be His love and it must be mixed with our love to adhere in all environments. Our problem is that we cannot fix things effectively let alone for a long shelf-life, but Jesus can and it will endure. We do nothing but willingly turn to T to fix things for us. He was the “hand” that turned the table for us to be molded, and He is the same hand that can repair the broken pieces.

  Not only that, but Jesus can fix each of the broken pieces and put the whole back together again. When one piece is missing, He can even mold another one to replace it. Families are meant to be together and there is only one who gains with all the broken pieces. That is Satan.

  What can A, B, C, X, Y, B1, B2, and B3 do? “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them. Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven” (Mat 18:20-22). As I said, “T’ must be right there in the midst of them, and forgiveness is the start of the restoration process. That is what A, B, C, X, Y, B1, B2, and B3 must do to be of one accord again.

  It takes a big person to forgive once, and a bigger person to forgive 490, or endless times. Putting the broken pieces together again is reconciliation. Guess what; if each is not in unity with his brother, sister, or parents or kindred, he should not even expect God to take their feeble offering as is written, “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift”  (Mat 5:23-24). Note that reconciliation is not only when you have something against your “brother” but when even your “brother” has something against you!

  Your offering in God’s eyes is folly unless you are in accord with others. No one can be reconciled with God unless they first reconcile with others; even their enemies, real and perceived. That is what the Ten Commandments are all about; ways to reconcile with God and others.

  By writing this, I share my agony. Sharing it did not fix my agony but why is death gain? Christians, when they die, unlike Jesus, leave their agony behind. Jesus still agonizes for His brothers after he died. Guaranteed; if reconciliation is not made now, then when it is too late, unapologetic people will indeed agonize.

  When Dad and Mom were on their deathbeds, I needed not to drive there quickly to make amends. I never failed to love my parents and had no amends that I had not already made. I had already paid the price for disrespecting Mom’s manner of speech. God took away her speaking ability and I was ashamed. In Mom’s silence, I loved her even more because I was so ashamed of myself. Self-shaming is not a bad thing. Before anyone can be fixed, they must recognize that they are broken. I was broken and God put it in my heart to desire healing. He fixed that shattered part of me.

  When my brother, Joe, died, one last thing he said was, “I still have my brothers,” and of course he looked at Judy too. On my own deathbed, I can say the same thing, perhaps, if they are still alive. But for now, I still have three of my brothers and my sister, and I will never cease to love them. Now is the time for salvation, and to prepare for this time, broken people must allow God to fix broken relationships.

  Death does not fix anything. It must be done while alive.

  I had a relative, “Z” who fixed his familial relationships when he allowed God to fix things for him, but he seemed to think that he was either too bad or it was too late for God to fix things for himself. He remained broken unto death, and there, God finally fixed him with glorification. His family missed that; the Fixer could have healed him anytime. Never wait until it is too late!