Narcissus was a young man in Greek mythology who saw his own reflection in water and fell in love with himself. His love of self was so immense that he was turned into a beautiful flower; a flower we know as Narcissus. "Self love" is the malady affecting Narcissus... and some people.
2 Timothy 3:2 "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,"
"Lovers of their own selves" is categorized along with other sins where man places himself over God. Covetous is having a strong desire for what others have. Lust! Boasters are people who brag on who they are, what they have or their own accomplishments. Blasphemers belittle God while elevating themselves. Pride is the curse of Adam. A prideful person values self over God. Those who are disobedient to their parents place their wisdom and knowledge over their parents. Unthankful people believe they "deserve" material items or attention. People who are lovers of self are just plain unholy!
There are reasons why people are narcissistic. It should come as no surprise, but people with "narcissism" are born that way and should be accepted. If you don't you're intorant! Of course I'm jesting. The narcissist, as is everyone, is born a sinner. Paul says "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:" (Romans 3:10). Although we're born in sin it is supplemented by environmental factors. What do you suppose contributes to the sin of "self-love"" It starts in childhood by overindulgent parents, uncles, aunts, grandparents and friends:
1) Undue compliments.
2) Unearned rewards.
3) Excessive entertainment.
4) No assignment of responsibilities.
5) Overgiving of gifts.
6) Buying love with excessiveness.
7) Not allowing children to suffer the consequences of their actions.
8) Not teaching children to say "I'm sorry" and mentoring them to mean it.
9) Failure to teach a child to respect authority.
10) Allowing children to mimic negative influences.
11) Parents not modeling positive behaviors.
12) Too much emphasis on the importance of acheiving at sports, etc.
13) Being overly braggadocias of them.
14) "Babying" children who are beyond infancy.
15) Allowing tantrums.
16) Allowing disrespect or disobedience.
17) Not teaching manners or acceptable age-appropriate behaviors.
18) Failure to punish or inappropriate punishment
19) Failure to pray and show submission to God.
20) Failure to teach children expectations (The Bible is the Instruction Manual).
20) Overemphasis on "being a friend" instead of being a parent.
Failure to do one, two or maybe three of these may not result in your child being a narcissist, but certainly can, and a pattern of failure in many of these will certainly mold your child into being a selfish, inconsiderate person. Not only will your child grow up to be an adult people try to avoid, but one who really needs to be more Christlike!
What's strange is that the narcissist seldom recognize that they are in a love relationship with self, and if they do see that, they are zealous in their power over other people. They are tyrannical and love being a tyrant. Furthermore, parents and relatives who are grooming little Hitler's think of themselves as providing proper love! Adults are blinded to the fact that they're molding little minds to be self-indulgent and materialistic... "Little Hitler's" if you will! (Well, maybe not Hitler's, but certainly "Little Dictators"!).
As an example of proper parenting, I propose that rather than giving a child toys, give him access to tools and materials to make their own! Yes, this requires your supervision, but the child needs your instruction and proper attention. My own children always worked with Dad, even as toddlers, on cars. As adults they are all self-sufficient! (I can also write books on what I did wrong, but know better now. We learn from mistakes and I'm trying to help you prevent mistakes).
Rather than giving a child a game console, give that child a age-appropriate history or adventure book. I read "Robinson Crusoe" five times before I was out of middle school. "Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer" took me down the Mississippi River several times in elementary school. Reading the biographies of all the presidents, many scientists and sports figures helped mold my future. Growing up primarily without television, radio and movies wasn't negative, but allowed me to have time to read and contemplate life and God.
I'm not trying to be self-indulgent myself, but basically what I'm saying is that poverty is a great motivator for achievement. Poverty is a character builder, and what character I have was modeled by a Christian dad and mom and they get the credit for any achievement I have, but can't be blamed for my shortcomings. Dad read Scripture about every night. He did his part, and even in my own disobedience, the words of God pierced my hard heart and doused my pride.
Scripture tells us that our needs will be provided if we're faithful! Yes, we'll have tribulation, but not more than we can stand. On the other hand, material wealth is a blessing, but was never given to Christians who weren't industrious. Gamblers seldom succeed because they live for pleasure... to pleasure themselves; a perfect example of narcissism.
What can narcissists do? What must narcissists do? They need to change just as any other sinner. The only effectual change is salvation! It's easy and it's free! Narcissists should by nature like that!
If you're already a Christian, but recognize some of these characteristics in yourself, repentance and self-control is the antidote. "With God all things are possible" and perhaps he can convert you into a humble, respectful and Christlike person with priorities in line with Scripture.
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