"Friends" is a television show. We've seen friends interact on the pixelated screen. They care for each other, love each other and disagree. If they say something that will permanently hurt, the make-believe friendship, they just do another take! Real life is not that easy and friendship is so much more than "hanging out" together!
What is a friend? First, let's take a look at what a friend is not. An enemy is certainly no friend. Someone who undermines you; someone who has feelings of envy, anger and superiority; or someone who just outright loathes you is certainly no friend! At work I had a person tell me "I hate you!". Hate is a very strong word. What did I do to be despised? "I hate you because you're management!", the employee replied. He certainly had an irrational predisposition due to envy and anger. Why? We were on different teams and each had different goals and members of opposing thought. All true, but that's no reason to hate!
Myself, I have to work on "hate" more than anything! Sometimes we get confused over hating actions of people verses the people themselves. As a child I would say "I hate him!" Mom would be quick to say "You should say 'I hate what that person is doing to me'." Mom had it right! There is a fine line of demarcation which we must be careful not to cross. We can "hate the behavior, but not the person". I don't believe that's a verse in the Bible, but Scripture does teach us to hate sin and love our enemies!
Jesus, yes God Himself, said:
Matthew 5:43 "Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. 4 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;"
How can a Christian even begin to love an enemy when they are still working on loving their friends? The answer lies in a Christian's true relationship with God! "Do I really love God?" "Do YOU really love God?"
Matthew 22:37 "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Do you truly love Jesus? Is Jesus truly your friend?
A friend is not a mere acquaintance! An acquaintance is one we "know". We may like to do things together and have common interests, but that friendship bond is just not there or is superficial. If you leave town tomorrow, it is likely that you may keep in contact, but there is little effort there to remain close. Partyers have many acquaintances!
Most people have many enemies, more acquaintances, but few friends! If each of us have two or three friends we're happy and content. Some are fortunate enough to have a bond through Christ such that the friendships are more widespread! Some may try to do it by secular means, but somehow those friendships seem to be more shallow that what "brothers and sisters in Christ" have, or at least should have. Now, let's look at what IS a friend:
Note that when I commented on Matthew 22:37, that I used "love" and "friend" interchangeably. That's a given; or at least it should be! A friend is ____________ (you fill in the blank). For me a friend is a person that I know; one who I love and one with whom I have a trusting relationship. As a bonus, it may be that the friend and I enjoy the same activities, beliefs, values and personality type. (Most of my friends profess to love the Lord as I profess myself!) Yes, we must "love" our friend. Love and trust can only apply if the first criterion is met. Yes, we must "know" the person. Normally, it would be someone we know well enough to have developed a love relationship and with whom we have established a bond of trust!
Trust is a relationship where we have faith in the person's character and integrity to the extent that we don't doubt them. They're there for us! A person we trust is someone who tells is not only what we want to hear, but has the courage to tell us what we really don't care to hear. A friend admonishes and reprimands. If we do wrong things a friend points out our error or faults! A friend will confront us in love and is courageous in doing so! However, a friend doesn't condemn, but does admonish and reprove!
Where do we find true friendship? Is it the bar? The ball park? At the university? At the dinner party? In truth, you can find friendship anywhere, but we must be able to discern between acquaintances who have things in common, but "love" and "trust" fails to be matured. Actually, it is more likely that secular places offer many acquaintances, but since there may not be a commonality in beliefs, values and even honesty, it is likely that all those people we call friends are only acquaintances. Be careful!
We find others with common beliefs, values, and morals, hopefully in the church. We're all there because we seek Christ or know and love Christ. If we know what Jesus teaches, then our beliefs have a high degree of commonality. (No, we don't necessarily believe alike on every issue, but we have Christ in common). Within the church, Satan works on contentions! He wants strife within the church. That's his modus operandi! Christ will use the color of a carpet or a doctrinal point to cause strife. When we're at odds we're not communing! When we're failing to commune with one another, Jesus is sidelined. When Jesus is sidelined, Satan wins. When Satan wins we lose!
Our church is a "commune". People, when seeking a church, look for friends first, even before doctrine! If the church is unfriendly or has strife, it is easily detected and genuine people move on to where true communion exists! (I left a church myself because that camaraderie just wasn't there!). Some Christians have a negative disposition. They are short tempered, criticize, look for fault or just don't love and care for people. They need to either fully submit to God or repent! If one's a Christian it should be recognizable. If your nickname is "grumpy" then somethings missing in your love.
1 Tim 6:11 "But thou, O man of God, flee these things (sins); and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness."
These are the characteristics of friendship! These are characteristics of a true Christian! Be a friend to your Christian brother. Be a friend to those with whom you strive. Be a friend to your enemy!
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