People fear that their position or affection is in jeopardy. Why are people jealous? Jealousy is an attempt by the insecure to protect themselves from hurt. It's self-preservation. Jealousy is the worship of the "God of Self". The gamut has been run from "fear" to "idol worship" (Since jealousy has no scientific nomenclature I shall name it myself; it is "praetextophobia", "fear of loss of prestige"). Jealousy may be at either extreme or at both. Jealousy is poison to the soul! It can kill and does. Jealousy is one of the top motives for homicide!
I recently recounted the story of Cain and Abel from Genesis Chapter 4. Cain killed Abel because Abel had God's favor. Whereas, Cain the firstborn, would normally be more honored, God respected Abel and his offering more than Cain's. It appears that Cain was jealous of Abel and death resulted on two counts: Abel physically died, but lives on in eternity while Cain lived on, but died spiritually being no evidence of his repentance. Jealousy can lead to either physical or spiritual death!
"Jealousy" and "envy" have been synonyms since early times. The Ten Commandments included "envy" (called covet, another synonym) as the tenth of those commandments.
Exodus 20:17 “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."
God provided a list of things "not to be jealous of":
neighbor's house (material)
neighbor's wife (romantic, sexual)
manservant or maidservant (position, power)
ox nor ass (ability to provide)
nor anything that is thy neighbor's (anything)
Why was Cain jealous of Abel? Abel's offering was greater (ability), God respected Abel's offering (spiritual) and Cain's birthright was threatened (position).
"Spiritual" can be categorized under "anything". However, spiritual jealousy is still rampant, even in the church! Church leaders vie for position and power within the church. They pursue respect and get tight-lipped and thin-skinned when others get "their" recognition. These people are much like the Pharisees who prayed in public so others could see how "righteous" they were while inside their hearts were cold. Envy can kill a church. Envy suppresses God's Spirit from working in the church. Envy is a virus in the church and can only be controlled by an inoculation of repentance!
In a work environment envy and jealousy are rampant! Many workers, vying for a top management spot or a lucrative hourly position, undermine perceived competition and ridicule those of whom they're jealous. Successful endeavors of others are minimized and their own tasks are maximized as if they are superhuman feats! When workers or managers are overlooked for the promotion or pay raise, vengeance is theirs, thus saith the jealous! In the educational field competition and awards provoke self-glorification.
Competition can be misconstrued as jealousy. Competition is good! It's like running the race to which Paul refers. Competition is healthy. Competition motivates and leads to success. However, there is a thin line between healthy competition and jealousy. What discerns healthy competition from jealousy? Attitude! The heart is the defining factor. In the Bible the heart is the center of emotion and spirit! The heart, being the center of the physical, mental and spiritual life of people, must be harmonious. Fear confounds harmony, and if you remember, fear drives jealousy!
"But", you say, "The heart just pumps blood!". Truly so, but the heart reponds functionally to thoughts and spirit! Our mental picture of a beautiful woman causes the heart to pump wildly. Spiritual hope calms the heart and reduces stress. Blood pressure goes down and in all cases, our entire body feels the results of the mental and spiritual processes! What does the heart feel when jealousy occurs? There is an emptiness there. The heart responds to the emotion of fear and passes along the results to the entire body. Our heart aches and our stomach follows suit! We get "stressed out"! Jealousy is not a pleasant experience.
The American Psychiatric Association "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual" (DSM-IV) does not list "jealousy" as a disorder! Why? They have their reasons, but in my opinion, sin is not an emotional disorder, it's a spiritual one! We don't look for spiritual healing in manuals; we look for healing in the Bible! In fact mankind looks to often to the scientist for physical and spiritual help, when healing is just a prayer away, when taken with a large dose of faith!
I've had occasion where I knew people who were jealous of my possessions! I noticed that each time I bought a new car, a friend did. When I bought a new house, that same friend did. He was "keeping up with the Jones'" so to speak. Socialism, even, can be summarized as "jealousy of property ownership"! It's the have-nots desiring what the haves have. Scripture tells us that the "love of money is the root of all evil". Think not? Go back to Cain. His grain was his money. He offered God a selfish portion of his "money". He may have lost his soul because of the love of money, not to mention his jealousy!
Last, but not least, in this discussion, is sexual called "romantic" jealousy. Yes, we can be jealous of anothers sexual prowess or desirability, but I'm speaking of jealousy of ones object of affection: a girl or boyfriend or husband or wife. When one "dates" a member of the opposite sex, we lay claim to them. They are our hearts desire! We cherish the thoughts and feelings we have toward each other. We all live in fear that some third party will triangulate the relationship. The "other" will steal either part or all of the affection we so desire to keep for ourselves!
Some jealousy is healthy. (God is a jealous God, but supreme jealousy is not addressed here). For instance, when we marry, man and wife become one flesh. We are a unit. We're partners, not only in the family, but spiritually and sexually. When another person tries to break that bond, we become defensive and respond. It is healthy to step up the attention we give our spouse. A little more demonstrated love can't hurt as long as it's genuine! We can pray that God protects our relationship and God will honor our prayers. Holding a marriage together IS God's will, but many ignore that will and follow pleasure. Trust is a sign of healthy jealousy. If you are one spiritually, then there's a bond there. You know that God is with you. Trust is a reprieve from a virtual prison!
If trust is not in a relationship, the results are smothering and often leads to estrangement. Jealousy should be just enough to demonstrate love, but not enough to be compulsive. Yes, if your chosen one is strongly attracted to another that is cause for concern. Fear is warranted and communication with each other and God is imperative. Prayer does change things. However, jealousy will not ensure that triangulation will cease, but can lead to more since as the mate makes an attempt to escape the "jail" in which you have sentenced him or her.
Prison and jail are strong terms!
Proverbs 6:34 (KJV) "For jealousy is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance." or in more modern terms:
Proverbs 6:34 (ERV) "The woman’s husband will be jealous and angry and do everything he can to get revenge."
The revenge of the jealous husband can be physical violence or mental. The mental is the "jail" and "prison" to which I'm referring. The husband (or wife) becomes the jailer or guard. The suspect spouse is followed, spied upon, blamed and deemed guilty of violation of the unity of the relationship. Friends of the opposite gender become imagined paramours. Actions of the suspect spouse are all perceived as provocative. The spouse under attack takes measures to free themselves from the mistrust yoke, and with each maneuver, becomes even more suspect when detected. The jail bars get stronger as the jealousy becomes more raging!
As jealousy turns to enragement, hate develops. The imprisoned spouse hates their jailer, their abuser! As hate engulfs Satan will always send another in to fuel the flames. Suspected jealousy carried to extremes can result in actual infidelity! That's what Satan wants. He wants to undermine spiritual relationships because by doing so, he undermines God. That's his chosen profession and your jealousy is making a success of the devil!
Never take what the Bible condemns lightly. Jealousy is a sin for a reason. Jealousy destroys what God has joined together. Yes, even premarital relationships are to be God ordained and pure! As with any sin, there is a cure!
2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV) "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
Jealousy is fear! Fear is often unwarranted. That's compulsive jealousy! The spirit which God gave us is self-control. The Comforter (the Holy Spirit) is with us in this world to help us! Call on the Spirit and he will enable us. He will remove the doubt and stress. Pray to God and all things are possible!
I had a relative who said "This one is too great for God to handle." when his wife became unfaithful. He went to a psychologist who failed him. Nothing is too wrong for God to mend. Faith and hope are no guarantee, but it sure puts God in your corner and helps the "odds". If the spouse has no commitment, you can even pray for the person to be committed to a relationship. Yes, God changes things!
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