Family Imbalances

     My hugest mistake in life was allowing evil to imbalance my own family. I had the instruction book on how to keep it stable but used it little, or when I did, ineffectively.
     Spiritual imbalances are those within iniquitous individuals and the malevolent Church. Familial imbalance is when the family system goes awry. That time is when the wheel (the family) is unstable. Just as too much weight on one side of a wheel calls instability, even one dysfunctional person in the family makes the entire "wheel" out of balance. In other words, one emotionally or spiritually "sick" person within the family unit makes the entire family sick. Who was the imbalance? As the father, I  must not shirk my own imbalance.
     Think of the nuclear family as having a center in which the family system orbits. Usually the mother and father are at the center and the children orbit around them. Scripturally, it is God who should be the nucleus with the father not far away. He and the mother are to orbit together in sort of a spiritual yin-yang, but not the energy which creates the orbit, but them compassing God. In their early years, children are in the orbit of the parents. That is good but somewhat unstable. God corrects the wobble within the family.
     As time goes by, the children should be emancipated, and choose to orbit God or not; on their own without orbiting with the parents. If a child remains at home too long, their weight causes instability. They stay dependent on the parents, and although the system may remain theocentric, it wobbles because the faith of the dependent is still the faith of the fathers. In other words, faith becomes an inheritance and not a personal relationship. Dependent children must be emancipated or the family system will wobble, and the dependent child or children will get "sicker".
     A normal family with mature children will orbit entire around God, perhaps with the mother and father closer to God because of experience, but the children in their own orbits not far away. Good parenting ensures that children know God and it is He around whom they should orbit. The system is in balance when they are functionally little spiritual solar systems with God as the sun!
     Satan has many tactics and all are to usurp God's authority in any system. The most basic spiritual system is the relationship between the individual and God. If Satan's forces can cause even one family member to gravitate toward a sinful lifestyle, the entire wheel becomes imbalanced. That imbalance cannot be corrected by counterweighting. The spiritually sick person(s) must be made well and kept safe. God calls (or attracts) the prodigal child(ren) back into balance. The father welcomes him or her back into the system and the family becomes spiritually functional again!
     The problem is that all children do not return. They are always part of the family system but their orbit is far away from God the parents, and wavy. They are still orbiting but not in an ellipse but erratic. The gravity of their sin is so great that the entire system begins to wobble. God is still at the center for He is always there holding the family together. There is a black hole out there, unseen to the human eye, whose gravity draws first one child after another away from God. The entire family system wobbles. Too much out-of-balance may destroy the entire family system. The more each member of the family wobbles the more erratic the system becomes until it self-destructs.
    Love for the wobbling member is still there, but the gravity of the sin overpowers the love which is the spiritual bond for the family unit. Satan destroys family systems so as to minimize God. Before long, of not corrected, the entire family unit will begin to orbit around the black hole - that unseen spiritual force which is the world and the things within it. Yes, the world for a time is a black hole which attracts innocent children and induces them to wobble slowly away from God!
     My family wobbled greatly as my children grew. As a believer in my youth, I had faith enough to believe, but not enough to serve God. I wobbled around God. I am God's prodigal son! While I was away, he kept me safe because I was brought up in the way of the Lord and would return to it. In other words, God kept me safe and I am still orbiting him, but with about as bad a wobble as one could wobble.
     In  my children's youth, I wobbled horribly. I was not in a steady orbit with God, and I personally skewed the family system. I don't blame my former wife because I am the one responsible for a theocentric family. I failed God by not living according to the Word, which by the way, I knew very well. My wife would overcompensate. She showed love with material things but not with her emotions, and punished by emotional means, and not with patience. As a young mother she loved and punished as any inexperienced person would. Growing our children was by experimentation rather than reliance on God.
     Not to minimize myself, I knew how but shirked my responsibilities. It was much easier to work hard and ignore the erratic family system than it was to correct it. I spent my time as far from the center of the system as possible. As for me, I was way out in Pluto country, orbiting God all by myself, but in an erratic orbit. I felt my responsibility was merely providing for my family. What they needed most was me, but I was far away from God and my family. I was far away from my wife and the spiritual yin-yang was more like a popcorn ball. Love is hard work and neither of us worked hard.
    I knew where my orbit was. However, Satan deceived me by suggesting that taking my kids to church was good enough. I "dressed and kept" my little "garden" by handing their spiritual training over to others. Educators must live their subject material. I knew the Word but mentored it poorly. I was a bad example for my children by my aloofness. Work was more my family than was my family. Maybe I wasn't  in orbit with God but just thought that I was. Perhaps my orbit was more just a spin in space - all alone in my own world. God called me back.
     As the prodigal son, I came home and the Father welcomed me. On the other hand, I failed to be the father to my own prodigal son. Of course, I have always loved each of my children, none more than the other, and my life has since been all about my children. I have emotional pain when my children have tribulation. I hurt badly for them, and share their pain. I want to have their pain for them; that's how much God loves me, and how much I love my own children!
     Drugs was one of the magnetic attractions that wobbled our family system terribly. I saw it coming and ignored it, hoping it would go away. In my pride, I never admitted to using drugs, but agree or not, tobacco was my drug. My entire life was focused on the next cigarette. I couldn't even eat slowly in anticipation of the next cigarette. I couldn't even run without smoking while I ran! I failed my son on vacation: rather than spending time with him, I hid out and smoked because of my dependency. My life was my cigarettes and the family system wobbled badly.
     Then my son used my addiction against me: "Dad, you smoke cigarettes; why can't I smoke marijuana?" He asked that!
     I responded, "I don't smoke."
    He responded, "Yes you do."
    I countered with, "No I don't... I just quit."
    Right then I quit. Why? Because I love him so, just as God loves me! I didn't want him to have the addiction that I had. I wanted a balanced family system, and addictions are the sucking of the black hole which creates imbalances in the family system.
     As time went by the entire system fell apart. Each of us played our part. It affected all of us to some degree. All our lives were changed as the system fell apart. What bothers me most though, is that love seemed to be allusive. Even when we differ in the things of the world, love should keep us united. I often feel remorse because although I love my family immensely, I fail to show it. My father was the same way but I knew he loved me by the look in his eyes. Dad seldom ever said that, but his love was intense. I have much the same demeanor. Real men show love and demonstrate it. I waited to long to man up!
     My wish is that God rebalance my family system. I pray for that almost daily. I pray for my children, grandchildren, and even my little great-grandson. The black hole sucks hard. It influenced me, and I don't want the world to have that much influence on the ones who I love. As God so loved the world, I so love my children! I thought I brought them up in the way of the Lord, but reflection makes that questionable. I was part of the imbalance. It need not be that way. God can heal the imbalance. I pray that He will!