Preachers, I believe, fear preaching on this important subject out of fear of isolating both sinners and Christians. The most important thing for the good of the soul, is the individuals' personal relationships with Jesus, not what others or the preachers want. Christians who cohabitate, as with any other person who proclaims Christ, must want to be Christlike in the eyes of God and others. Holy living is not a choice, but what Christians show the world and how God knows that He is taken seriously.
The preacher's job is to teach scripture, and that includes reproof and correction (2 Tim 3:16). The messenger should never be shot, as the saying goes, but Christians have a responsibility to confront issues affecting the relationship of others and God. Therefore, excuse my viewpoints as they come from what scripture teaches and not from the world.
In apostolic times there was another doctrine in two of the churches of Asia - the doctrine of Nicolaism. The deacon Nicolas was the proponent of the false doctrine that God hates so intensely. (Yes, God hates the sin, but not the sinners.) One of the two passages on that evil doctrine comes from this passage:
But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication. So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate. Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth. (Rev 2:14-16).It seems that some were doing what they wanted to do beyond the auspices of the Church. The Council of Jerusalem had ruled against traditional Jewish beliefs with the exception of three things:
Wherefore my sentence is, that we trouble not them, which from among the Gentiles are turned to God: But that we write unto them, that they (1) abstain from pollutions of idols, and from (2) fornication, and (3) from things strangled, and from blood. For Moses of old time hath in every city them that preach him, being read in the synagogues every sabbath day. (Acts 15:19-21). (numbering mine.)The Nicolaitans were going against the authority of the Church whose conclusions were inspired by God, and accepted by godly men. Thereafter, there was much cohesion in the Church. Everyone could worship as was their custom but for those three things. They were from the Mosaic Law, and it turns out that God hated the doctrine against that ruling.
It must be understood from those passages (Acts and Revelation) that the Church must and does have rules and regulations! If anything goes, it may cause a stumblingblock among people in the Church and even keep others away from the Church. (Church capitalized means not the local church congregation but the universal body of believes. However, scripture applied that to two local bodies of believers who accepted that doctrine.)
No, what goes on in the church does not stay in the church, just like it does not really in Las Vegas. In other words, the church leadership must ensure that the public looks at the church congregation and sees righteous Christians. The two rulings on idols and blood are respecting God surely because He is God and salvation is by the blood (Mat 26:28). That is important because Jesus's blood represents redemption; thus Christians must respect the Doctrine of Christ. It becomes a stumblingblock to those who just will not submit to God's authority. To the general public, the Church would seem to be following their own doctrines, and indeed the Nicolaitans were!
The third ruling was on fornication. Many ignore fornication. One divorced Christian allowed that his three sexual relationships were okay because it was consensual. Well, fornication is consensual sex outside the contract of Holy Matrimony. Some say, one of the pair would have to be married for that to be fornication, but scripture does not support that. Sexual sins are grievous to God and Christians must understand that because it is what the pagans do. When Paul said, "It is better to marry than to burn" (1 Cor 7:19), he was referring the burning desire of sexual lust. Marriage grants consensual sex. But what is marriage?
Marriage is Holy Matrimony. Adam and Eve became one flesh. Examine Holy Matrimony:
But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. (Mark 10:6-11).Marriage (Holy Matrimony) consists of the following basics:
- Male and female... period!
- Must leave the authority of the parents.
- Must "adhere firmly and closely or loyally and unwaveringly" to each other (Merriam-Webster Dictionary; "cleave")
- Be in unity - dedication to each other and behave in the interests of not each but the family unit. That implies no adultery nor triangulation with third persons.
- Marriage is a contract under God, whose Law is Supreme to civil laws. (When the courts ruled that same-sex marriage is acceptable, God did not!). Legal divorce does not break the contract because mankind cannot break what God has joined together.
- That notion implies that marriage is a lifelong holy institution unless God's contract is broken. The only legitimate reason for divorce is adultery. (Mat 19:9). Any type of relationship beyond that is sinful, but remember, God is gracious; Jesus died for the sin of adultery as well! (The local church sometimes makes the sin of adultery as the unpardonable sin, but that is not the case.) Marriage is forever, and must be approached with that idea in mind.
- Breaking the marriage bond is sinful, and is called "adultery."
In apostolic times marriage was fairly well those things. The man and woman left their parents and cohabited with the intention of remaining together forever, bearing children together, and being recognized as husband and wife by family and friends. That seems to fit Mark's definition of marriage, and by that time polygamy was taboo in the minds of both Romans and Jews, agreeing with God's Plan in the beginning.
Holy matrimony, then, has no written contract except for Mark's, but it is written on the hearts of the two joined together. Marriage has much ado with commitment and intention; the two intend to be one unit in spite of any interference from others for perpetuity. The bond is under God - what He has joined together. Some who are legally "married" have never been so under Holy Matrimony. The civil bond can be easily broken but the holy bond cannot be without ignoring the authority of God.
In other words, there is a spiritual triangulation in marriage - man and woman, under God. Indeed, Holy Marriage is akin to the relationship between Jesus and the Church, the "Groom" and the "Bride," respectively. The perpetuity of marriage is much like the steadfast faith in Jesus. If one is easily broken so is the other. Marriage, then, is serious business as God is serious about His Doctrine!
Mark did not call for official wedding vows. However, the institution of marriage has its vows. They are elaborated upon in the bullets above. The intention of the man and woman must be those things. In the last two and one-half centuries, laws have been made to legalize marriages. They are supplementary to God's will. There are no religious requirements for civil marriage, and it is not unholy but neither is it holy. For that reason, most people have traditionally had religious ceremonies as well to make public their vows. (Those views expressed above.) That prevents them being a stumblingblock to others as their intentions are made known.
Most marriages up until the early 1800s were by banns; that is "public announcement especially in church of a proposed marriage" (ibid). Traditionally, the couple would stand up in church, announce their intention, and if no one objected, they were considered by the church as man and wife. That was the marriage ceremony. You see, marriage is based a great deal on the intention of uniting; be it for sex or is it for uniting in a holy bond?
The sin of the Nicolaitans laid aside all the holiness of the marriage institution. Some in the churches had sexual relations with no intention of marriage, and even multiple sexual partners. Fornication was one of the errors of Balaam, according to God. Balaam allowed that fornication (consensual sexual intercourse) be allowed in the Church. That, along with eating meat polluted by idols, trivialized God. With that said, those within the Church who have serial sexual partners, are non-committal, and have not that HOLY union, and are like the Nicolaitans. In other words, those Christians in the church who have not legally married, should be spiritually trothed - under God, according to the precepts expressed by Mark.
Care must be taken to not be a stumblingblock to others. That's why banns was a public declaration of intention - that two will be joined together by God and not allow any other to separate the two. Banns is a lifelong commitment of fidelity to one person under the precepts of God. That makes marriage "holy," not the document at the courthouse.
How should a minister of God approach those in church who cohabitate but remain unmarried, and why would they even do that? There are civil reasons for not getting married. The government actually discourages marriage by its rules - the probate, taxation, and maintenance laws. Furthermore, marriage complicates inheritances because it brings many other parties into the marriage agreement. In this day of blended families, probate rules are often unfair and not to the will of the main parties.
What should those who are cohabiting and who are Christians within the church do? My suggestion, based on God's Word, is to have some type of banns, best in the form of Holy Matrimony whether it is made legal or not. Of course, some preachers may not feel comfortable with that, and even some will not marry those who have been married before (except in the case of adultery). That is their understanding of scripture, and they should not be scorned for their principles.
Why go through the rite of Holy Matrimony even if already committed to each other as husband and wife? To include God in the relationship, and to cease being a stumblingblock to others who have no knowledge of the depth of the commitment. Yes, what others think does matter because Christians represent God, the Church, and the local church.
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