Toughlove Must Offend to be Affective

“Toughlove” is loving someone so immensely that they are not desired to perish. Why would a parent risk their children’s hatred to reprove, judge, and maybe shun them? Because they love them so intensely. Toughlove is an immense and intense love that a person risks isolating their loved one. I have a close relative who I love so much that I don’t want to see him destroyed by marijuana. I have another one whom I love so much that I don’t want her to be destroyed by alcohol. I am a Christian, but I have certain behaviors for which I condemn myself! The only way to change bad behaviors is to know that they are unacceptable! Wise people test their own behavior by some sort of moral code. I test mine by Holy Scripture and often judge myself guilty.

Some test to the standards of the world and pass with flying colors. The law of the world is the Law of God twisted. It seems “good” but in reality, it kills!  Although it is good to love everyone, accepting wrong behaviors leads to eternal death for sinners. Why so, “The wages of sin is death” but the flip-side of that is, “but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord” (Rom 6:23). Like it or not, Jesus uses positive reinforcement and “negative” punishment – He rewards righteous behavior and punishes unrighteous behavior.

What standard does God use? The Law of God. Where is that found? Not in the precepts of the world but in the precepts of God. They are precepts, not commandments, because precepts are fair standards for regulating behaviors, and righteous people voluntarily ascribe to those regulations. Since God is just, and just rulers do not dictate, how people live is optional, but there are consequences for wrong choices. The consequences are eternal life for those who willingly do God’s will, and eternal death for those who are unwilling to accept God’s will.

David convicted himself of adultery and murder (2 Sam 12). Nathan the prophet could have rebuked David himself, but he allowed David to reprove (reprimand) himself. He used an allegory in such a way that it was obvious to David that he had sinned. David would have rejected Nathan judging him, but wise Nathan put the onus on David to do the judging. Nathan loved David so much that he did not want David to perish forever. In his own way, he called David out for his grievous sins! That was toughlove on Nathan’s part.

Examine John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” “The world” is sinners, “for all have sinned” (Rom 3;23). God loved the world so intensely that he sacrificed his only born son. His desire is that everyone trust Him so much that they not perish, and to live forever. Trusting is willingness to obey God. The implication is that those who are unwilling to live life God’s Way, condemn themselves to eternal Hell. What Way is God’s Way? Without sin, or living lives which are appealing to God.

The Bible has a long list of unappealing – disgusting behaviors. They are called “abominations.” Among the abominations are infanticide, homosexuality, and bestiality, as scripture is written:

And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the Lord. Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion. (Lev 18:21-23). 

Of course, there are many others, but it is in vogue presently to accept and even promote abortion infanticide and homosexual behavior. It is clear that although God loves abortionists, homosexuals, those beast-like, and even those who blaspheme God, He will not tolerate those behaviors by rewarding them with Heaven.  

Telling them of their infractions is fair warning. They must examine the evidence, see the guilt, confess their sins, and change just as anyone else must do. There are no special rules for those the world accepts! The world always demands a level playing field, and God’s rules do not respect certain persons as exempt (Acts 10:34). Even those He loves (whosoever) is subject to his will, reward, or punishment. Why should He exempt our loved ones if He does not exempt His own?

Everyone has loved ones who are sinners. Because a person you love is engaged in sin does not make that sin acceptable. You, in your pride, truly have no authority to set standards! The standards for behavior are set by God. Neither can you define what love is. Love is that toughness that it takes to tell them, you need to change! Nathan had a great method; you devise one akin to his.

I still love those in my family who have their own sins. However, I hate what they are doing to themselves. Drunks and potheads diminish their opportunities, and if they neglect God in the process, they diminish their chances for eternally living. Why not rebuke then if it will save them from perishing? Only the brave has the courage to confront those who affront God. Only the loving has the love to tell people that they are not doing God’s will. It bothers me not that people engage in destructive behaviors; it does, however, bother me that in the end, they will be destroyed!

Tolerance is something God has. However, the theme of scripture is not tolerance, but obedience. Tolerating sin is not the Way for them to go to Heaven, neither is coerced obedience, but refrain by their choice is. Christians must want to please God rather than themselves. Sure, it’s hard; it’s a test! Your eternal future depends on taking the narrow path. Anyone can do the easy things, but the hard things please God.

Christians not only apologize for homosexuality, but promote it. They are propagating and defending sin and sinful lifestyles. No Bible is even needed for that! Scripture has a use: “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (1 Tim 3:16). Rather than reprove sin, many approve of it. The meme, “Someone you know is gay. Maybe even someone you love. Think before you speak hate.” is all wrong.

Because someone you know or love is homosexual, is no reason not to offend them for their own spiritual well-being. Correction and reproof are not hate. That meme is deception hatched up by cunning people to justify their abominations. True love is wanting that none should perish; that is worth offending anyone for.

I have had a great friend chance offending me by reproof. He hit the nail’s head dead-on. He told me what I needed to hear, not tickle my ears with what I fancied (2 Tim 4:3).

If you love somewhat with the intensity that they not perish, now is the time to speak even of it offends. Better to be offended here on Earth than in Hell!