_______________________
Lost: I do what I want to do!
Found: I do too.
Lost: But what you do is no fun.
Found: A new person likes to do new things.
_______________________
Lost: Why do you hate Muslims so much.
Found: I don't hate anyone... I fear Islam.
Lost: But there are few who will harm you!
Found: I'm not worried about bombs. It's just that the few Christians in America there's not enough Christians to convert them, but America will become Islamic because they are more zealous. It's us I who I fear more!
_______________________
Lost: Well, my candidate lost. He was so loving!
Found: Because he wants to give you free things?
Lost: Well, yes. Why?
Found: Those free things belong to people like me!
Lost: That's fair!
Found: That's stealing!
_______________________
Lost: Church is boring so I'm gonna enjoy life right now!
Found: Don't you want to go to heaven?
Lost: Of course, but I feel outta place around all them do-gooders.
Found: If you're outta your comfort zone in church waita til you get to heaven.
_______________________
Found: So you like astrology?
Lost: Yes, it gives me valuable information!
Found: Would you bet your life on it's accuracy?: Well, no!
Found: According to scripture you are betting your eternal life on it.
_______________________
Lost: I'm as meek as meek can be!
Found: Somehow I feel others just gained some acreage!
_______________________
Lost: Another Sunday over! Glad to get it out of the way.
Found: But it's the best day of the week! Why so glum?
Lost: I felt guilty for not going to church.
Found: Don't feel guilty for not being there. Feel bad for not WANTING to worship God anywhere!
_______________________
Lost: So you voted for Sanders?
Found: Yes. He's against violence.
Lost: He's for abortion for any reason. Isn't abortion violent?
Found: I ignore my faith when I vote. We must keep them separate!
Lost: It seems rather than the wine, it's the kool-aid you drank!
_______________________
Found: Things can go right in God's time!
Lost: They don't for me.
Found: That's because you don't belong to God!
_______________________
Lost: God shafted me today.
Found: I thought you didn't believe in God!
Lost: I gotta have somebody to blame.
Found: Then why not blame yourself... he's your god?
_______________________
Found: I thought we were bff's!
Lost: We were!
Found: If "eternity" is as short as "forever" we're in for a short trip!
_______________________
Lost: I speak first this time!
Found: You do most of the time.
Lost: Well, I'm special... I'm me.
Found: You're not special... everybody is a "me".
_______________________
Found: People spend so much time hating each other that they don't have time to love Jesus.
Lost: Oh, how can you show Jesus that you love him?
Found: Loving others!
_______________________
Lost: You aren't s'posed to mix politics and religion.
Found: Really? What scripture is that?
Lost: It's in the Constitution.
Found: I don't think you'll find it in the Bible nor the Constitution!
Lost: Well, I just thought...
Found: I don't think you were thinking!
_______________________
Lost: I'm at a loss!
Found: Why is that?
Lost: My girlfriend, Joy, broke up with me.
Found: I have joy! Share mine.
_______________________
Lost: I'm down.
Found: You don't need to be!
Lost: How so?
Found: If you knew you were going to heaven you'd be up up up!
_______________________
Lost: Where am I?
Found: You're close to Found
Lost: Where is Found?
Found: Walking with God!
Lost: Then where are Lost and Found?
Found: In view of God. He sees us both. I hope he likes what he sees!
_______________________
Lost: I voted last night!
Found: Did you vote your principles?
Lost: What principles?
Found: My point exactly!
_______________________
Found: Good luck with your life!
Lost: I thought it was God who you believe, not fate.
Found: I thought you believed in "Chance", so I was being sensitive to your self deception!
_______________________
Lost: Grumble. Grumble. You did something which upset me years ago!
Found: I'm so sorry! What was it? I want to apologize.
Lost: I thought you knew why I was angry.
Found: What was it that I did?
Lost: I forget now, but it mustave been really bad!
_______________________
Lost: It's Sunday. Why aren't you in church?
Found: Whereya been? It snowed!
Lost: Didn't God create the snow too?
Found: Yep! Everything.
Lost: I didn't know God has snow days! So did he make it snow to keep you out of his house?
Found: ?????
_______________________
Lost: I'm going to heaven. Everybody is!
Found: Howz that?
Lost: God is too loving to send anybody to hell.
Found: He says that you damn yourself. Is he a liar?
Lost: I don't know about that, but that's what I believe!
Found: Then you belief is in a really GOOD, but LIAR God?????
_______________________
Found: Had a great sermon today!
Lost: It would be good if everyone did love everybody!
Found: I love everybody!
Lost: Tolerating is not love. Being cordial is not love. I would think that you'd know the difference!
Found: Gotta run now. A friend is waiting on me!
Lost: You're making my point!
_______________________
Lost: Why do people argue over the meaning of scripture?
Found: We're human. Disagreement is part of our humanity.
Lost: Well, I know that what I believe is right because I'm me!
Found: That's why people argue; they have other gods besides god, and that god demands to be right.
Lost: Who are those other gods?
Found: They are our enemy... They are us!
_______________________
Lost: Pot needs to be legalized!
Found: But how can you care about eternity if you're apathetic.
Lost: I deserve to go to heaven because I'm good.
Found: In God's eyes you are pathetic!
_______________________
Lost: We are in profound disagreement!
Found: It's not my opinion which I argue. It's God's truth.
Lost: Well, then he is wrong!
Found: Eve thought that too!
_______________________
Lost (The Gambler): What if you're wrong and I'm right?
Found: Then I have a healthy life, and we both molder in the grave. But what if I'm right and you're wrong?
Lost: I don't like to think about it?
Found: I go to heaven... you burn in hell. You need to think about that!
_______________________
Lost: I'm too lost to change.
Found: Have you murdered? Have you persecuted Christ?
Lost: No. I'm just an everyday person who likes the good things in life.
Found: Well, in your heart if you've hated you're a murderer and as such you persecute Christ. You're just like Saul was.
Lost: Well, I'm still too bad to change.
Found: Grace is getting your ticket punched for the slow train to heaven when you didn't pay the fair. The trip is on God! All you have to do is believe that he has the power and authority to drive the train and the love to punch your ticket. So easy even for killers and deniers.
Lost: Don't I have to change first?
Found: Like Saul, God let's you get on dirty. He provides your traveling clothes. It's shining armour by the way!
_______________________
Lost: Well, the holidays are over and things can get back to normal!
Found: How so?
Lost: We can now go back to shopping, watching TV, eating and having parties.
Found: And just what was it that you did during the holidays?
Lost: We worshiped and brought in the New Year?
Found: And just what religion is it that you do things for your self?
_______________________
Lost: What is it that you Christians care about?
Found: We love others!
Lost: Do you love me?
Found: Yes I do!
Lost: Then how is it that you sit there with your closest friends, enjoying each other and laughing; while you know that I'm going to burn in hell?
Found: ?????? (speechless)
_______________________
Found: I just hate some people in church!
Lost: So you can do that?
Found: Jesus is forgiving.
Lost: So you can do anything that you want and get away with it?
Found: I guess as long as I keep it a secret from both me and God.
Lost: Now that's what I hate about you Christian!
_______________________
Lost: I believe in God.
Found: That's great. What do you believe about him?
Lost: That he exists!
Found: And what has God done for you personally?
Lost: Uh... I don't know of anything specific.
Found: Maybe you should learn more about in whom you claim to believe!
_______________________
Lost: Doesn't friendship imply love?
Found: Sure does!
Lost: Then why don't all you church friends love each other?
Found: Good point! Perhaps all church friends aren't Christlike!
_______________________
Lost: %&#@!!*~
Found; Why do you curse so?
Lost: Because I'm angry at somebody.
Found: I do believe that is the always the way hateful people worship!
_______________________
Lost: Why so sad?
Found: Church is supposed to be a sanctuary from hate.
Lost: What's the problem then?
Found: Those in the world just ignore me, but a few in church despise me.
_______________________
Lost: OMG means "Oh, my Gosh" when I say it.
Found: It's still in vain when you use God's nickname. He is no fool!
_______________________
Lost: Sunday is about over thank God!
Found: I didn't know you believed in God!
Lost: I don't. That's just an expression.
Found: I'd like to see your expression when you stand before God!
_______________________
Found: If it moves on it's own it's alive. When everything quits moving, it's dead.
Lost (thinking): That doesn't make sense to me.
Found: You seem to have just died. I see nothing moving!
_______________________
Lost: I'm insulted!
Found: Why?
Lost: You implied that I'm going to hell.
Found: And what do you think?
Lost: That there is no hell.
Found: If you really believe that, then don't worry about it! Why worry about going somewhere that doesn't exist unless you fear that it really does!
_______________________
Lost: Those ant-abortion nuts are right wing crazies.
Found: You're being overly harsh with PRO-LIFERS.
Lost: They stand in the way of women's right to choose what's best for their own bodies.
Found: God can deal with the women who value their own bad choices over the life of their own offspring. I'm just concerned about the very young women who have no say in what happens to their own bodies.
_______________________
Found: I agree, at least for a time!
Lost; What the ???????
Found: Because of changed hearts, true Christians have a standard of fighting which prohibits them from terrorizing their enemies. We will lose many battles, even the war; but in the end, love conquers all!
_______________________
Lost: You Christians must quit using incendiary rhetoric! It's hateful! Christ is not about criticism.
Found: You mean saying things like "You serpents, you bunch of snakes, how can you escape being damned to hell?"
Lost: Exactly! That is so intolerant and will cause people to be stressed out.
Found: Well, Jesus said that. It's from Matt 23:33. He pegged them as they were in an attempt to save them from hell! Truth is Good.
_______________________
Found: I said "Gosh" one time when I was a child and was sent to my room.
Lost: Everybody says "Gosh"!
Found: Dad didn't and now I don't.
Lost: Why? It doesn't mean anything.
Found: Dad said it was God's nickname and was not to be used. He also said that "in vain" is "not meaning anything" by it!
_______________________
Lost: I thought Jesus was all above love.
Found: That's true! Now you're getting the point.
Lost: Well I heard a few sermons on loving Jesus, but few on loving others. There seems to be a problem there!
Found: It's easier to love someone who we can't see than those of whom we have daily contact!
Lost: Then Christians are just like me. They do what's the easiest for themselves.
_______________________
Found: Love and friendship are fruits of the same tree!
Lost: I'm your friend, but I don't love you.
Found: Then your fruit is of a mutant tree!
Lost: What do you mean by that?
Found: Those you don't love are enemies. That's the fruit of the iniquity tree.
_______________________
Found: We've been blessed by God. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lost: He had little to do with it. I worked hard for what I have!
Found: Then your idol is "you". You give your "self" credit for what God did so abundantly. How does it feel to be the "other god" besides God?
_______________________
Lost: There is no wrong, merely shades of right.
Found: I believe there is right and the shades are of wrong.
Lost: Then we both agree that there is no in-between?
Found: True, but I am clearly right, but you are intensely wrong!
_______________________
Found: I'm trying to stay positive in the face of dissension.
Lost: Well, quit dissenting!
Found: I acquiesce, but negativity abounds in others.
Lost: I don't know who is being negative, but you need to quit being so thin-skinned!
_______________________
Lost: I'm leaning toward Mohammad. I love their call to prayer!
Found: In Islam you can't lean. It's convert or die.
Lost: That's rather extreme of you to say that!
Found: That's a very extreme way of converting people to Islam!
_______________________
Lost: You write some pretty offensive stuff!
Found: It's not aimed at anyone. Just what real people do.
Lost: Why do you write it?
Found: To make people think, Me first! Sometimes I'm the first to be offended by what I know is right!
_______________________
Lost: So you've got that Holy Spirit thing, huh?
Found: Yep! He's a gift to comfort me in this life!
Lost: I comfort myself.
Found: So that's not the face of hemorrhoids I see?
_______________________
Lost: I believe in ghosts.
Found: Then you believe in the supernatural?
Lost: I sure do!
Found: Then you believe in God?
Lost: That's just silly!
Found: God is silly, but ghosts aren't? That's silly!
_______________________
Lost: Did you just criticize your friend?
Found: Oops! I guess that I did.
Lost: And how can I tell when I'm with a Christian then?
Found: (Sheepishly) Christians encourage others... if you're not encouraging, what identifies you as a Christian?
_______________________
Lost: Election day tomorrow!
Found: Yeah! I'm going to vote Democratic.
Lost: Aren't they at odds with what you believe?
Found: Oh, yes, but I put my Christian principles aside when I vote.
_______________________
Found: A great church service today! The preacher preached on those who miss church.
Lost: I bet that was really effect!
Found: It would have been if those who needed to hear it were there!
_______________________
Lost: I don't hate you. I just despise being around you.
Found: I can understand that! At times I hate being around me.
_______________________
Lost: Are ya ready to go play church again?
Found: How's that?
Lost: Didn't I hear you cuss yesterday?
Found: What did I say?
Lost: You said "doggone it"! That's just a slang term for using God's name in vain.
Found: I didn't mean anything by it!
Lost: Isn't that what "in vain" s'posed to mean?
_______________________
Found: Church is over. I prayed for forgiveness for the sins of this week.
Lost: Well, I didn't pray, but I was thankful for the sins I was given this week!
Found: Some at church must'f done that too!
_______________________
Found: My heart is beating. It's going to be a good day!
Lost: Mine is beating, but I pay no notice of it.
Found: If it stops you'll you'll notice. Eternity is one "heart stop" away!
_______________________
Lost: What day is this?
Found: National Liar's Day.
Lost: And who are we honoring today?
Found: For me, no one, but the Democrats in congress are honoring Hillary!
_______________________
Lost: It's so hard having the ambition to do things.
Found: Ambition is the hard part.
Lost: What do you mean by that?
Found: Successfully doing things is the reward for faking ambition.
_______________________
Lost: I'm goin' a party'n
Found: Me too! What will you be doin'?
Lost: My favorite past time... chokin' a martini glass, then chokin' it time and time again!
Found: Oh, your party is different than mine. I like to be sober so that I know I'm enjoyin' it!
_______________________
Lost: How ya doin'
Found: Better'n I deserve!
Lost: What do ya deserve?
Found: Nothing, but I appreciate all I'm given!
_______________________
Lost: I feel alone even in a crowd!
Found: Even when alone I feel befriended.
Lost: How can that be?
Found: When you're in a crowd you focus on you. When I'm with me I focus on Jesus.
_______________________
Lost: Socialism isn't bad. Jesus taught that we should care for the poor. Christianity means we're to be charitable!
Found: He sure did teach charity and love!
Lost: Then what's wrong with socialism?
Found: Charity is voluntary and a sign of love. Love cannot be dictated by government, especially a socialist one who believes Christ is a product of man's mind to delude us! To them socialism is the only hope!
_______________________
Found: If Paul can become a Christian so can you!
Lost: But I'm too bad!
Found: Paul said that too! He was a murderer who even killed Christians.
Lost: But why should I deserve it?
Found: You don't, but it's still yours for the asking!
_______________________
Found: Didya get saved yet?
Lost: No, but I'm secure in my reward!
Found: You mean you look forward to heaven even though you won't be there?
Lost: No... just the 72 virgins!
Found: I understand why you want them, but why would they want you? Don't be surprised if all those virgins are ugly sea hags. There's a reason they're virgins you know?
_______________________
Lost: BFF? What's that mean?
Found: "Best friends forever". Actually all friends are forever. If they're not, then it's possible that the "friendship" was never there at all.
Lost: Then it should mean "Been Forgotten Friends".
Found: I can't argue with logic!
_______________________
Lost: Did you hear the sermon last night?
Found: Yep! The preacher nailed me!
Lost: D'ya s'pose that others needed revival?
Found: Yea, the preacher said there were those who gossip, criticize and won't even shake hands.
Lost: They do that in church?
Found: Some do.
Lost: And that's where you expect me to go to be with God!!!!
Found: Yep. That's the good thing about God. He's patient with us and loves us anyway!
_______________________
Lost: I've decided to repent.
Found: So you're going to become a Christian.
Lost: Not just yet. I've got a lot more sinnin' I wanna do!
Found: At least you're honest, but the way to heaven is not telling the Holy Spirit what you will do, but doing what he tells you to do.
_______________________
Lost: I'm really doing good and I deserve to be saved!
Found: But God says your works are as "filthy rags" as far as he's concerned.
Lost: But I'm trying really hard to be as good as I can be.
Found: That'll get you a nice certificate from the Rotary Club, but God just gives you eternal life. All you have to "do" is believe in and trust him! Very little work there, eh?
_______________________
Lost: You still sin!
Found: Yes Christ died for them all.
Lost: True, but I understand that it was forgiveness of past sins when you were saved..
Found: No... all of 'em
Lost: Then you never have to repent of new sins?
_______________________
Lost: You don't do what you say that you believe. Why is that?
Found: It's just too hard and after all, Christ died for all my sins!
Lost: But did he die so that you can continue in sin?
_______________________
Lost: I don't know what to say!
Found: Great! Listen then!
Lost: I'm afraid that I've forgotten how to listen.
Found: That's obvious.
Lost: I'm afraid my mind is made up before the other person says a thing!
_______________________
Lost: Trust! What's that?
Found: That's knowing a friend is reliable and honest.
Lost: I'm the only one that I trust!
Found: Then you're the only honest person that you know?
Lost: No. I mess up sometimes, but that's me! I'm special!
_______________________
Lost: All these bible verses written on Facebook are corny and all those "devoted" Christians are just as bad as I am, if the truth was known.
Found: You may be right! On the judgment day tell God your opinion about how corny his word is!
Lost: Well, I'm still as good as most Christians.
Found: Christianity is the only school where people are rewarded for failing if they have their heart in it!
_______________________
Found: I stayed home from church tonight.
Lost: Why?
Found: It bothers me that even fellow Christians despise me!
Lost: I thought there should be a lot of lovin' goin' on at church.
Found: Love has a limited engagement when anger sings in the choir!.
_______________________
Lost: Where am I?
Found: You're lost, Lost.
Lost: And where are you?
Found: I'm waiting right here for God to prepare for me a room in his mansion.
Lost: Is that true?
Found: Yes, he told me so!
_______________________
Found: All I have came from the Lord. When I checkout he gets it back.
Lost: Where are you going?
Found: My body will go to the grave for a spell then rejoin my soul later in heaven.
Lost: Dream on!
Found: What's your dream... propane and propane accessories for the fiery furnace?
_______________________
Lost: I saw that you stole that pen at the store.
Found: Just what did you see?
Lost: You picked it up from the shelf and put it in your pocket.
Found: Guilty as charged! I picked up my own pen and put it in my pocket. Thanks for the confidence in my integrity, friend.
Lost: I only know what I saw!
Found: Then you should indict me on what happened, not what you imagined!
_______________________
Lost: People take an interest in you.
Found: Why do you say that?
Lost: People speak often about you.
Found: Yes, I've found that busybodies and gossipers do have me on their minds a lot!
_______________________
Lost: I'm goin' t'hell.
Found: you don't have to.
Lost: I'm too bad. God is too disappointed in me.
Found: that's even more grace he has for you.
Lost: Actually Grace is why I've been bad!
Found: Still not too hard for God.
_______________________
Lost: I don't believe in God.
Found: Because you don't believe in God doesn't mean he doesn't exist, and because He does is why you do!
______________________
Lost: I went into a cave today. It was so dark, the path was narrow and I was afraid!
Found: Those who walk the narrow path, if they're Christians, walk in the light even though it's dark and they fear not because hope is no cause for fear!
Lost: But I was in a cave!
Found: Well then walk in the Light!
_______________________
Lost: Being a Christian is just too hard!
Found: It's easy to be redeemed, but it does take effort to show love for God.
Lost: How do we show God that we love him?
Found: By being Christlike. That's making a sincere attempt to be perfect in God's eyes.
Lost: But doesn't scripture say that's not possible?
Found: True, but this is the only place in life that "trying", although we are sure to "fail", is "success", if we sincerely desire to please God. That's called grace.
_______________________
Lost: Does that clock run?
Found: It KEEPS perfect time!
Lost: I'll KEEP what time I have myself, thank you. I want a clock that will GIVE me time!
Found: I have one that runs a FAST.
Lost: I'd rather one that runs SLOW to add time.
Found: There are one of those in my dentist's office.
Lost: That's what I want!
Found: What would you do if you had but ten minutes left to live?
Lost: I'd sit in front of that dentist's clock and read Deuternomy!
_______________________
Lost: Blaming others for things I do helps me to cope!
Found: Being blamed for things you do makes me at the end of a rope.
Lost: Your discomfort is of no concern to me as long as I'm comfy.
Found: Comfy is a temporary condition lasting only until someone makes your soft cushion hard.
_______________________
Lost: I don't vote because they're all crooks.
Found: But if even one is righteous are you not helping his opponent by your abstention?
Lost: My thought processes don't delve that deeply I guess.
Found: Thought without thinking is pretty much the same as speaking without a tongue.
_______________________
Lost: I go to church on Sunday to cancel my sins from the rest of the week!
Found: Forgiveness doesn't work that way.
Lost: My "hope" is that it does.
Found: If that's your only "hope" don't hold your breath!
_______________________
Lost: Sunday is over. Made it through church!
Found: What was your impediment?
Lost: A long sermon!
Found: Look at it this way. If your life was over at the end of the sermon, you'd want it to go on forever!
_______________________
Lost: Nice party, huh?
Found: You seem to always have a glass in your hand!
Lost: yea, I feel out of place without something to hold onto!
Found: Have you tried sucking your thumb? You won't need a designated driver that way.
_______________________
Lost: There's a cemetery in Kentucky called "Friendship".
Found: I suppose there are many friends buried there?
Lost: No, it's called that because it's built on a two-way street.
_______________________
Lost: Guilt makes people strange people.
Found: How would you know?
Lost: I feel guilty sometimes. That's when I seem a little strange.
Found: The most estranged are those who never feel guilt.
_______________________
Found: I still make mistakes.
Lost: Mistakes can be used against you!
Found: And are... forever!!!
_______________________
Found: Off to church this morning!
Lost: A lot of love goin' on there?
Found: Yea, with some... Not some others.
Lost: Then there are some you don't love?
Found: No, but some, I can tell, don't love me a whole lot!
Lost: Why?
Found: Some expect us to all be perfect as they are, and that's never goin' to happen!
_______________________
Lost: Unborn babies are just tissue.
Found: Tissue with a beating heart and a soul!
Lost: But their body parts can be used for the benefit of others.
Found: They are probably more human than you are!
Lost: But sickly people can thrive with the use of fresh stem cells.
Found: And Dracula thrives on the blood of virgins.
_______________________
Lost: I found out how to get to heaven!
Found: How's that?
Lost: Be as good as you can be!
Found: You're still Lost, aren't you?
_______________________
Lost: You did it again!
Found: Of course I did (fearing that trouble is ahead).
Lost: Don't deny it!
Found: I'm admitting to something I didn't do to appease you. What more do you want!
_______________________
Found 1: My doctrine is the correct one.
Found 2: Mine differs and I prayed about it.
Found 1: I prayed too!
Found 3: You're both messed up because of pride!
_______________________
Lost: I grew up as a Christian, but now I'm not.
Found: Are you sure that you don't want to repent?
Lost: Get real! I'm having too much fun and like to do things my way!
Found: Scripture tells me, then, that I can't even eat a meal with you. I'm very sorry!
_______________________
Found: Oh, what a relief it is!
Lost: Rolaids?
Found: No... Confession!
_______________________
Lost: Another day another disappointment.
Found: Why be disappointed when you should be thankful?
Lost: People are so busy worshiping their own gods that they fail to worship mine!
Found: But your god is you!
Lost: True, but their gods are them!
_______________________
Lost: I love everybody except those who don't love me.
Found: You're not very lovable.
Lost: That's because others aren't meeting their obligations in loving me.
_______________________
Lost: You're not a very good Christian!
Found: Thank you for noticing the obvious.
Lost: That's okay. I love to I.D. hypocrites.
Found: I admit that if my love for you was anywhere near my efforts to be sinless, I indeed would be a better Christian.
_______________________
Lost: I said the wrong thing again!
Found: Perhaps you should stay quiet!
Lost: But I have many things to say.
Found: Silence is what speaks loudest!
_______________________
Lost: So you're sad today?
Found: Yep. Life is hard. People just aren't as loving as God wants them to be.
Lost: People love themselves quite well.
Found: That's the easy part... loving others is the chore!
_______________________
Lost: I believe in Jesus; I just think the Bible is intolerant.
Found: So you believe that Jesus is an intolerant hater?
Lost: Well, I wouldn't put it that way!
Found: Let's see if you say that when he judges you!
_______________________
Lost: My friend didn't speak. I wonder why.
Found: When a friend doesn't speak words are not said, but emotions scream out!
_______________________
Lost: The baby cried in church about the time I was feeling ashamed.
Found: Why do you think the baby cried?
Lost: Because it needed fed?
Found: No... It was because you were being fed!
_______________________
Lost: You ever about die?
Found: Sure! God has saved me many times from the fingers of death!
Lost: I about died and I was afraid! That's really scary.
Found: Have you no hope?
Lost: I hope that there is no God and no hell.
Found: That's why you were scared. You fear God, but don't trust him for the hope of eternal life!
_______________________
Found: I'm teaching adult Bible Study this week.
Lost: You're not perfect.
Found: That's right! Never claimed to be.
Lost: How can you do that then?
Found: Only Jesus was perfect, but we're all to spread the gospel. If we waited on someone perfect to teach it, no one would know about Jesus to even be holy!
_______________________
Lost: He used to be my friend.
Found: That sounds past tense. Friends are forever!
Lost: Yeah... I've heard that one before!
Found: Perhaps if you truly believe that, they will be!
_______________________
Lost: I hate hump day!
Found: You should be glad that you're even alive.
Lost: You call this living?
Found: It's better than the alternative!
______________________
Lost: Did you hear the sermon last night?
Found: Yep! The preacher nailed me!
Lost: D'ya s'pose that others needed revival?
Found: Yea, the preacher said there were those who gossip, criticize and won't even shake hands.
Lost: They do that in church?
Found: Some do.
Lost: And that's where you expect me to go to be with God!!!!
Found: Yep. That's the good thing about God. He's patient with us and loves us anyway!
_______________________
Lost: I've decided to repent.
Found: So you're going to become a Christian.
Lost: Not just yet. I've got a lot more sinnin' I wanna do!
Found: At least you're honest, but the way to heaven is not telling the Holy Spirit what you will do, but doing what he tells you to do.
_______________________
Lost: I'm really doing good and I deserve to be saved!
Found: But God says your works are as "filthy rags" as far as he's concerned.
Lost: But I'm trying really hard to be as good as I can be.
Found: That'll get you a nice certificate from the Rotary Club, but God just gives you eternal life. All you have to "do" is believe in and trust him! Very little work there, eh?
_______________________
Lost: You still sin!
Found: Yes Christ died for them all.
Lost: True, but I understand that it was forgiveness of past sins when you were saved..
Found: No... all of 'em
Lost: Then you never have to repent of new sins?
_______________________
Lost: You don't do what you say that you believe. Why is that?
Found: It's just too hard and after all, Christ died for all my sins!
Lost: But did he die so that you can continue in sin?
_______________________
Lost: I don't know what to say!
Found: Great! Listen then!
Lost: I'm afraid that I've forgotten how to listen.
Found: That's obvious.
Lost: I'm afraid my mind is made up before the other person says a thing!
_______________________
Lost: Trust! What's that?
Found: That's knowing a friend is reliable and honest.
Lost: I'm the only one that I trust!
Found: Then you're the only honest person that you know?
Lost: No. I mess up sometimes, but that's me! I'm special!
_______________________
Lost: All these bible verses written on Facebook are corny and all those "devoted" Christians are just as bad as I am, if the truth was known.
Found: You may be right! On the judgment day tell God your opinion about how corny his word is!
Lost: Well, I'm still as good as most Christians.
Found: Christianity is the only school where people are rewarded for failing if they have their heart in it!
_______________________
Found: I stayed home from church tonight.
Lost: Why?
Found: It bothers me that even fellow Christians despise me!
Lost: I thought there should be a lot of lovin' goin' on at church.
Found: Love has a limited engagement when anger sings in the choir!.
_______________________
Lost: Where am I?
Found: You're lost, Lost.
Lost: And where are you?
Found: I'm waiting right here for God to prepare for me a room in his mansion.
Lost: Is that true?
Found: Yes, he told me so!
_______________________
Found: All I have came from the Lord. When I checkout he gets it back.
Lost: Where are you going?
Found: My body will go to the grave for a spell then rejoin my soul later in heaven.
Lost: Dream on!
Found: What's your dream... propane and propane accessories for the fiery furnace?
_______________________
Lost: I saw that you stole that pen at the store.
Found: Just what did you see?
Lost: You picked it up from the shelf and put it in your pocket.
Found: Guilty as charged! I picked up my own pen and put it in my pocket. Thanks for the confidence in my integrity, friend.
Lost: I only know what I saw!
Found: Then you should indict me on what happened, not what you imagined!
_______________________
Lost: People take an interest in you.
Found: Why do you say that?
Lost: People speak often about you.
Found: Yes, I've found that busybodies and gossipers do have me on their minds a lot!
_______________________
Lost: I'm goin' t'hell.
Found: you don't have to.
Lost: I'm too bad. God is too disappointed in me.
Found: that's even more grace he has for you.
Lost: Actually Grace is why I've been bad!
Found: Still not too hard for God.
_______________________
Lost: I don't believe in God.
Found: Because you don't believe in God doesn't mean he doesn't exist, and because He does is why you do!
______________________
Lost: I went into a cave today. It was so dark, the path was narrow and I was afraid!
Found: Those who walk the narrow path, if they're Christians, walk in the light even though it's dark and they fear not because hope is no cause for fear!
Lost: But I was in a cave!
Found: Well then walk in the Light!
_______________________
Lost: Being a Christian is just too hard!
Found: It's easy to be redeemed, but it does take effort to show love for God.
Lost: How do we show God that we love him?
Found: By being Christlike. That's making a sincere attempt to be perfect in God's eyes.
Lost: But doesn't scripture say that's not possible?
Found: True, but this is the only place in life that "trying", although we are sure to "fail", is "success", if we sincerely desire to please God. That's called grace.
_______________________
Lost: Does that clock run?
Found: It KEEPS perfect time!
Lost: I'll KEEP what time I have myself, thank you. I want a clock that will GIVE me time!
Found: I have one that runs a FAST.
Lost: I'd rather one that runs SLOW to add time.
Found: There are one of those in my dentist's office.
Lost: That's what I want!
Found: What would you do if you had but ten minutes left to live?
Lost: I'd sit in front of that dentist's clock and read Deuternomy!
_______________________
Lost: Blaming others for things I do helps me to cope!
Found: Being blamed for things you do makes me at the end of a rope.
Lost: Your discomfort is of no concern to me as long as I'm comfy.
Found: Comfy is a temporary condition lasting only until someone makes your soft cushion hard.
_______________________
Lost: I don't vote because they're all crooks.
Found: But if even one is righteous are you not helping his opponent by your abstention?
Lost: My thought processes don't delve that deeply I guess.
Found: Thought without thinking is pretty much the same as speaking without a tongue.
_______________________
Lost: I go to church on Sunday to cancel my sins from the rest of the week!
Found: Forgiveness doesn't work that way.
Lost: My "hope" is that it does.
Found: If that's your only "hope" don't hold your breath!
_______________________
Lost: Sunday is over. Made it through church!
Found: What was your impediment?
Lost: A long sermon!
Found: Look at it this way. If your life was over at the end of the sermon, you'd want it to go on forever!
_______________________
Lost: Nice party, huh?
Found: You seem to always have a glass in your hand!
Lost: yea, I feel out of place without something to hold onto!
Found: Have you tried sucking your thumb? You won't need a designated driver that way.
_______________________
Lost: There's a cemetery in Kentucky called "Friendship".
Found: I suppose there are many friends buried there?
Lost: No, it's called that because it's built on a two-way street.
_______________________
Lost: Guilt makes people strange people.
Found: How would you know?
Lost: I feel guilty sometimes. That's when I seem a little strange.
Found: The most estranged are those who never feel guilt.
_______________________
Found: I still make mistakes.
Lost: Mistakes can be used against you!
Found: And are... forever!!!
_______________________
Found: Off to church this morning!
Lost: A lot of love goin' on there?
Found: Yea, with some... Not some others.
Lost: Then there are some you don't love?
Found: No, but some, I can tell, don't love me a whole lot!
Lost: Why?
Found: Some expect us to all be perfect as they are, and that's never goin' to happen!
_______________________
Lost: Unborn babies are just tissue.
Found: Tissue with a beating heart and a soul!
Lost: But their body parts can be used for the benefit of others.
Found: They are probably more human than you are!
Lost: But sickly people can thrive with the use of fresh stem cells.
Found: And Dracula thrives on the blood of virgins.
_______________________
Lost: I found out how to get to heaven!
Found: How's that?
Lost: Be as good as you can be!
Found: You're still Lost, aren't you?
_______________________
Lost: You did it again!
Found: Of course I did (fearing that trouble is ahead).
Lost: Don't deny it!
Found: I'm admitting to something I didn't do to appease you. What more do you want!
_______________________
Found 1: My doctrine is the correct one.
Found 2: Mine differs and I prayed about it.
Found 1: I prayed too!
Found 3: You're both messed up because of pride!
_______________________
Lost: I grew up as a Christian, but now I'm not.
Found: Are you sure that you don't want to repent?
Lost: Get real! I'm having too much fun and like to do things my way!
Found: Scripture tells me, then, that I can't even eat a meal with you. I'm very sorry!
_______________________
Found: Oh, what a relief it is!
Lost: Rolaids?
Found: No... Confession!
_______________________
Lost: Another day another disappointment.
Found: Why be disappointed when you should be thankful?
Lost: People are so busy worshiping their own gods that they fail to worship mine!
Found: But your god is you!
Lost: True, but their gods are them!
_______________________
Lost: I love everybody except those who don't love me.
Found: You're not very lovable.
Lost: That's because others aren't meeting their obligations in loving me.
_______________________
Lost: You're not a very good Christian!
Found: Thank you for noticing the obvious.
Lost: That's okay. I love to I.D. hypocrites.
Found: I admit that if my love for you was anywhere near my efforts to be sinless, I indeed would be a better Christian.
_______________________
Lost: I said the wrong thing again!
Found: Perhaps you should stay quiet!
Lost: But I have many things to say.
Found: Silence is what speaks loudest!
_______________________
Lost: So you're sad today?
Found: Yep. Life is hard. People just aren't as loving as God wants them to be.
Lost: People love themselves quite well.
Found: That's the easy part... loving others is the chore!
_______________________
Lost: I believe in Jesus; I just think the Bible is intolerant.
Found: So you believe that Jesus is an intolerant hater?
Lost: Well, I wouldn't put it that way!
Found: Let's see if you say that when he judges you!
_______________________
Lost: My friend didn't speak. I wonder why.
Found: When a friend doesn't speak words are not said, but emotions scream out!
_______________________
Lost: The baby cried in church about the time I was feeling ashamed.
Found: Why do you think the baby cried?
Lost: Because it needed fed?
Found: No... It was because you were being fed!
_______________________
Lost: You ever about die?
Found: Sure! God has saved me many times from the fingers of death!
Lost: I about died and I was afraid! That's really scary.
Found: Have you no hope?
Lost: I hope that there is no God and no hell.
Found: That's why you were scared. You fear God, but don't trust him for the hope of eternal life!
_______________________
Found: I'm teaching adult Bible Study this week.
Lost: You're not perfect.
Found: That's right! Never claimed to be.
Lost: How can you do that then?
Found: Only Jesus was perfect, but we're all to spread the gospel. If we waited on someone perfect to teach it, no one would know about Jesus to even be holy!
_______________________
Lost: He used to be my friend.
Found: That sounds past tense. Friends are forever!
Lost: Yeah... I've heard that one before!
Found: Perhaps if you truly believe that, they will be!
_______________________
Lost: I hate hump day!
Found: You should be glad that you're even alive.
Lost: You call this living?
Found: It's better than the alternative!
______________________
Lost: Now men can marry each other. I hope churches will join them in Holy Matrimony!
Found: What would be holy in joining them together in what God commands they not to do?
_______________________
Lost: I hate people who hate me!
Found: No wonder you're Lost!
Lost: That's only natural with humans.
Found: Proverbs 25:21 If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink: 22 For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the Lord shall reward thee.
Lost: That would be hard to do!
Found: Yep! It's not an option! Matthew 5:43-48 "I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you..."
Lost: I'll see you at Cracker Barrel today, Mr. President!
_______________________
Lost: Are preachers to love too?
Found: Of course!
Lost: Then why do they show disdain and impatience for some people?
Found: Seminary can't teach love. It teaches theology.
Lost: Where then does love come from?
Found: It's a reward from God for being patient and fair with others!
_______________________
Found: Friend, I need your help and prayers.
Friend: I'll help you whenever I can!
Found: Angry is upset with me. Can you do something to restore our friendship?
Friend: Hey, Angry, Found has screw up as always. He's always in trouble.
Angry: Yeah, he messed me around.
Friend: I don't blame you for being upset!
Lost (passing by): Christians sure don't show much love for each other!
_______________________
Lost : Let freedom ring!
Found: Maybe we look for freedom in the wrong places.
Lost: I'm free!
Found: Freedom is an illusion if you don't know you're enslaved.
Lost: Whatdaya mean?
Found: Because you're Lost, you do what your master wills.
_______________________
Lost: Jesus didn't say that!
Found: Say what?
Lost: That Old Testament stuff!
Found: Jesus WAS ALWAYS before his birth. He spoke to the writers of the Old Testament and they wrote what he said. If it's written in the Bible had all, Jesus said that!
_______________________
Found: You mean you're now one of us?
Lost: Are you kidding? I'm now true to myself!
Found: Looking at how narcissistic you are, I'd say that you were never "unfound", Mr. Lost.
_______________________
Found: Good morning!
Lost: What's so good about it!
Found: I'm healthy, I have a great home, I have friends, I'm alive, and I'm going to heaven!
Lost: Well, I'm probably going to go to hell with all my friends ;)
Found: I have one friend and he's taking me to heaven with Him!
_______________________
Found: But it's not! I said this.
Lost: Don't tell me I'm wrong. You have no idea what you said, but I hear what I want to hear.
_______________________
Found: I've got a puzzle for you.
Lost: And how will you confuse me today?
Found: What, once given is hard to take away, and once taken away is hard to get back?
Lost: Garden tools?
Found: Wrong, my "friend"! You missed the "ship"!
_______________________
LOST & SAVED:
Saved: I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget what you did to me!
Found: That's generous and loving of you.
Saved: Thank you sir.
Found: Perhaps God should do that for you!
_______________________
Lost: It's Sunday... I gotta go to church.
Found: That's wrong!
Lost: No it's not! Yesterday was Saturday.
Found: Yes, it is Sunday, but you don't "gotta go" you "getta go"!
_______________________
Lost: you ever feel as if someone is missing?
Found: (Nowhere around)
Lost: Someone is missing!
_______________________
Lost: Why do people have so much conflict?
Found: It's because of god!
Lost: But isn't God good?
Found: It's not God, but most people's god.
Lost: I don't understand.
Found: It's the Self most people worship and each of those malevolent gods try to destroy each other's gods.
_______________________
Lost: My heart is less heavy today!
Found: How so?
Lost: I'm beginning to see the light. Forgiveness heals the spirit.
Found: Where have you been all your life????
_______________________
Lost: Ever wish you could do something over?
Found: All the time.
Lost: God should have made us with a rewind button!
Found: He did, but he's the only one who can rewind. It's called forgiveness!
_______________________
Lost: I sometimes do what I know I should not do, but do it anyhow.
Found: Yes, we all do that. Even Paul struggled with that.
Lost: But I'm not Paul and I and I don't like to struggle with that.
Found: Others may cast stones, but yet if we're honest, all of us deserve the stone!
_______________________
Lost: My wife went away without me for a spell.
Found: Where did she go?
Lost: Spelling skool to learn how to spell.
Found: You should have went with her!
_______________________
Lost: It isn't my fault!
Found: What's not?
Lost: Whatever you're thinking I did.
Found: I wasn't thinking anything!
Lost: Well, I did that then!
_______________________
Lost: My how time flies! It seems like I was a toddler only yesterday.
Found: Time is fleeting.
Lost: And what are you implying?
Found: Before some plan for what is sure to happen, time zips by and there are still no plans.
Lost: And what can I do about that?
Found: Plan "B' is silly without first having a Plan "A". You figure it out!
_______________________
Lost: I paddled up the river today not knowing where I was going.
Found: Is that something you really did or where you're at?
Lost: Whadya mean by that?
Found: It just doesn't seem like that you have a destination in sight!
_______________________
Found: My children sometimes are offended by what I say even when I'm bragging on them.
Lost: Well, it must be who you are that offends.
Found: Or insecurity on their part. When my children were little I would walk in the room to love them and sometimes they would slump and raise their arms to shield themselves.
Lost: Did you punish them often.
Found: I didn't have to. Whatever it was that was eating at them was enough of a punishment.
_______________________
Lost: Yeah! It's hump day!
Found: What's so special about that?
Lost: The week is half over.
Found: How old are you?
Lost: Forty years old! Why?
Found: Yeah for you. It's "hump life" for you
_______________________
Lost: I'm a loser!
Found: Losing is a choice one makes by not doing!
Lost: I try!
Found: "Trying" is merely failure. "Doing" leads to success.
_______________________
Lost: I feel so alone today.
Found: Are you with anybody?
Lost: No...
Found: Then you ARE alone and you FEEL lonely!
Lost:Then your being here is no help.
Found: How can I help you then?
Lost: Just leave me alone! I like to FEEL alone by myself!
_______________________
Found: Lost, you are so naked!
Lost: I beg your pardon. I'm dressed quite modestly!
Found: There are different perspectives.
Lost: How so?
Found: I see the suit you got for your birthday, but God sees your birthday suit. You stand before him without covering, naked, but unafraid!
_______________________
Lost: Where am I?
Found: If I know your age I can tell you.
Lost: I'm 35 years old!
Found: Then you're half way to where few are going, but to get there you must go all the way.
_______________________
Found: I am. I'm always busy with doing what Christians do. It takes time to organize and implement.
Lost: But isn't there more important things that Christians should be doing?
Found: Like what?
Lost: Loving one another and befriending people?
Found: There is just so little time to do that!
_______________________
Found: I believe that man is not a Christian.
Lost: Quit assuming! You don't KNOW that!
Found: That's what I BELIEVE. You assumed that I was assuming.
_______________________
Lost: The world looks billions of years old then it must be.
Found: Then people who say stupid things must be stupid?
Lost: Are you implying I'm stupid?
Found: Are you implying God is a liar?
_______________________
Lost: My name is La-Sha.
Confused: Lay Sha?
Lost: No! Lay-dash-ha. The "dash' not be silent!
Confused: Then I'm ".Less"
Lost: Les?
Confused: No... "Point Less"... the "period" not be silent!
_______________________
Lost: So you're born again?
Found: Sure am!
Lost: You're not saved until you get baptized and it's got to be by immersion!
Found: Most of the church martyrs throughout the ages weren't baptized by immersion. Are they saved?
Lost: No! They can't be. You have to be baptized and baptized correctly!
Found: Then they are burning in hell?
Lost: Yep.
Found: No grace there!!!!! (This was an actual conversation I had with a woman).
_______________________
Lost: I'm pretty much messed up I guess!
Found: Whatya goin' to do about it?
Lost: Get some counseling I guess. Lookin' for a good psychologist.
Found: Why not turn to God?
Lost: This one's too hard for God.
Found: ?????? What!!!!! No wonder you need help!
_______________________
Lost (Hillary): I never had financial relations with that man... Mr. Malfeasance.
Found (Me): Why IS it that you have his money stains on your dress?
Lost (Hillary): It depends on what the definition of "is" ... is.
_______________________
Found: Ya gonna vote today?
Lost: No, they're a bunch of losers!
Found: Yes, but this is a representative form of government ya know?
_______________________
Lost: I'm really lazy today.
Found: There are things you could be doing! Isn't your friend, Jack, dying right now and has never been saved?
Lost: Yeah, I guess so.
Found: So Jack gets to spend eternity in hell because you're lazy today?
Lost: I guess I never thought about that.
Found: That IS lazy!
_______________________
Lost: I hate Christian music!
Found: Why?
Lost: Singing praises to a fantasy is silly!
Found: Do you like rock music?
Lost: Yes. It makes me happy and I forget about my worries!
Found: So you merely fantasize while I sing praises to God who replaced my worries with hope!
_______________________
Lost: Does that "preacher guy" work for you?
Me: Yes he does. What's the problem?
Lost: That &@&(;&&@ is always talking about that :$)@/$& Jesus and gettin' me saved. You need to tell him to blankety stop it!
Me: Let's make a deal. I'll have him to quit talking about Jesus when you quit cursing Jesus!!!
(Lost just walked away still cursing). (An actual conversation I had!)
_______________________
Found: My friends are genuine people and I'm genuine with them.
Lost: Well, sometimes it's okay to slight them.
Found: My friends are those I love enough to hang with for whatever reason!
Lost: I guess that may be why I hang out by myself then.
_______________________
Lost: So you watch FOXNEWS?
Found: Yes, why?
Lost: I don't watch any news program! They bias the information.
Found: Where do you get your news?
Lost: I listen mostly to rock music. Their songs are about current events.
Found: Yes, I see. Your news comes from unbiased, Christian hating, left wing sources. How silly of me to watch the news when I could let Prince fill me in!
_______________________
Lost: I'm pro-choice and proud of it!
Found: One of the choices causes death! Are you in favor of bad choices which kill?
Lost: It's just fetal tissue, not a human.
Found: So you believe in magic?
Lost: Of course not! Why?
Found: Your belief means that a non-human fetus crawls through the short birth canal and then becomes human. That's magical thinking!
_______________________
Lost: I had a lousy mother. That's who I remember!
Found: She probably did the best she could. She's to be honored even with her faults!
Lost: Not this kid.
Found: Perhaps she wasn't the perfect mother because of her son.
Lost: Quit talking about my brothers that way.
Found: I can see right now that your mother did have a problem!
_______________________
Lost: I just don't understand!
Found: And whazzat?
Lost: When people have a problem with you, why don't they just say so?
Found: People have found it convenient to circumvent the truth to spare feelings, I guess!
Lost: I thought truth and honesty worked hand in hand with empathy!
Found: Sometimes when the truth hurts people avoid it. They're called "lies of false compassion!"
_______________________
Lost: So your're running a race today?
Found: Yep. A 5k,
Lost: At your age I hope that you can finish the race!
Found: I'm not so worried about this one. It's the obstacle course I run against the devil every day!
_______________________
Lost: It would seem to me that if something makes me happy it's OK because God wants me to be happy!
Found: What's your favorite food?
Lost: Ice cream. I love it!
Found: So ice cream really makes you happy?
Lost: Yes sir!
Found: Then I pray that you shall never have any other food to eat, but ice cream!
Lost: But I want cake with it!
Found: You believed that ice cream would make you happy, but now you see that it takes cake too! You don't even know what makes you happy, so how can God want for you what you're unsure of yourself?
_______________________
Lost: It seems people have little commitment anymore.
Found: You are so right about that!
Lost: I scheduled golf with my friend for Sunday and he canceled out at the last minute!
Found: Why's that?
Lost: He said something about conflicting with church time!
_______________________
Lost: This is the big day for me and my sweetheart!
Found: So you're finally getting married!
Lost: Oh, no, not that at all. We're just moving in together.
Sweetheart: Maybe if the urge strikes us, we'll get married someday.
Found: So getting married is much like defecating. When the pressure inside gets too great only then will you care enough to give a crap!
_______________________
Lost: Can't wait to get to heaven. It'll be a rockin' place there!
Found: If you're referring to rock music, it won't be there.
Lost: Why not?
Found: Sin cannot be in the presence of God. "Rock & Roll" refers to "back seat sex". I'm afraid that it can't be there.
Lost: God's not as "cool" as I thought!
Found: It's much cooler where God is than where most rock-n- rollers will be!
_______________________
Lost: Hate is a big problem!
Found: What should be done to fix that?
Lost: Some of my friends are going to protest by throwing bricks, cursing cops, setting cars afire and robbing stores.
Found: I think I'll just love people the old fashioned way... caring for the well-being of others. "Projectiles of care" is more effective than throwing bricks!
_______________________
Lost: I met a Christian who believes in same-sex marriage.
Confused: Hello, brother!
Found: So you believe in same-sex marriage?
Confused: Yes, it's the tolerant thing to do!
Found: And where did you find in the Bible support for your belief?
Confused: It's between the lines.
Found: I'm sorry, in my version of the Bible merely blank space is between the lines.
_______________________
Lost: We're having riots because of hatred!
Found: I don't hate anybody...
Lost: So you say... Everybody does.
Found: As the kids used to say "The smeller is the feller!" Love conquers all... have you tried that?
Lost: I thought we were talking about YOUR hate!
_______________________
Lost: Men and women are the same. Gender should not be an issue.
Found: First off, I didn't know you were blind! Secondly, that's not what God intended.
Lost: But times have changed!
Found: Not much. Eve was the first feminist and Adam the first wuss.
Lost: How so?
Found: Eve assumed the dominant spiritual role of Adam and Adam let her do it! Both were damned.
_______________________
Lost: I'm your friend.
Found: Thanks! Can I count on you then?
Lost: I'll always be there for you.
Found: Well, how about visiting sometime this week?
Lost: I may be busy. If I'm not doing something else I'll call you.
Found: Just as I expected! People only do what they really want to do!
_______________________
Lost: I deserve a new car!
Found: You mean that you WANT a new car.
Lost: Naw! I deserve one!!!
Found: Have you worked hard and saved the money to pay for one?
Lost: I'll worry about paying for it after I get one!
Found: Change DESERVE to EXPECT then!
_______________________
Lost: I don't feel good about myself.
Found: Why not?
Lost: I just feel empty inside.
Found: I suppose you not only "feel empty inside", but that you "ARE empty inside"!
_______________________
Lost: Don't judge me!
Found: But you don't appear to be a Christian! Can't I have an opinion?
Lost: That's wrong according to the Bible.
Found: But why would I tell you about Jesus unless I was of the opinion that you need to hear about him?
_______________________
Found: First off, I didn't know you were blind! Secondly, that's not what God intended.
Lost: But times have changed!
Found: Not much. Eve was the first feminist and Adam the first wuss.
Lost: How so?
Found: Eve assumed the dominant spiritual role of Adam and Adam let her do it! Both were damned.
_______________________
Lost: I'm your friend.
Found: Thanks! Can I count on you then?
Lost: I'll always be there for you.
Found: Well, how about visiting sometime this week?
Lost: I may be busy. If I'm not doing something else I'll call you.
Found: Just as I expected! People only do what they really want to do!
_______________________
Lost: I deserve a new car!
Found: You mean that you WANT a new car.
Lost: Naw! I deserve one!!!
Found: Have you worked hard and saved the money to pay for one?
Lost: I'll worry about paying for it after I get one!
Found: Change DESERVE to EXPECT then!
_______________________
Lost: I don't feel good about myself.
Found: Why not?
Lost: I just feel empty inside.
Found: I suppose you not only "feel empty inside", but that you "ARE empty inside"!
_______________________
Lost: Don't judge me!
Found: But you don't appear to be a Christian! Can't I have an opinion?
Lost: That's wrong according to the Bible.
Found: But why would I tell you about Jesus unless I was of the opinion that you need to hear about him?
_______________________
Lost: I'm going to jail.
Found: What for?
Lost: My bro said he wanted a Stihl saw.
Found: What's the problem?
Lost: So I stealed him one.
_______________________
Found: Church today. Are you going?
Lost: I can think of a million reasons that I'm not going!
Found: If you die are you going to hell?
Lost: I can think of a million reasons I'm not going to hell!
Found: I can think of one big reason that you may! Just because you ARE Lost!
_______________________
Lost: And you still remember your sins?
Found:: If I could forget I would not be ashamed. Likewise, if I could forget, I would feel no blame! I never want to forget what Jesus saved me from!
Lost: Why is that so important?
Found: So I won't go back! If angels rejoice when one soul is saved, just think of the party Satan has when the ransomed one is stolen!
_______________________
Lost: I'm thinking of becoming a Muslim.
Found: That's odd!
Lost: How so?
Found: I'm a Christian because Christ was murdered because of our sins, but most people are Muslims because their ancestors chose conversion to avoid being murdered! Sort of makes you think. Which offers peace?
_______________________
Lost: I like people to do things my way.
Found: What if other people want it done their way?
Lost: I deserve it to be my way!
Found: What if God wants it done his way?
Lost: I still deserve things done MY WAY!
Found: And who did you die on the cross for?
_______________________
Lost: I hurt inside.
Found: What ails you?
Lost: People just don't like me!
Found: And do you take the time to "like" others?
Lost: That takes too much effort.
Found: Then why should others make the effort?
_______________________
Lost: I can't be there. I have to clean house, study, write a letter and make dinner.
Found: One good reason is better than tens of excuses!
Lost: But I've got to do those things!
Found: People make time to do what they really want to do!
_______________________
Lost: Gambling never hurt anybody!
Lost: I can think of a million reasons that I'm not going!
Found: If you die are you going to hell?
Lost: I can think of a million reasons I'm not going to hell!
Found: I can think of one big reason that you may! Just because you ARE Lost!
_______________________
Lost: And you still remember your sins?
Found:: If I could forget I would not be ashamed. Likewise, if I could forget, I would feel no blame! I never want to forget what Jesus saved me from!
Lost: Why is that so important?
Found: So I won't go back! If angels rejoice when one soul is saved, just think of the party Satan has when the ransomed one is stolen!
_______________________
Lost: I'm thinking of becoming a Muslim.
Found: That's odd!
Lost: How so?
Found: I'm a Christian because Christ was murdered because of our sins, but most people are Muslims because their ancestors chose conversion to avoid being murdered! Sort of makes you think. Which offers peace?
_______________________
Lost: I like people to do things my way.
Found: What if other people want it done their way?
Lost: I deserve it to be my way!
Found: What if God wants it done his way?
Lost: I still deserve things done MY WAY!
Found: And who did you die on the cross for?
_______________________
Lost: I hurt inside.
Found: What ails you?
Lost: People just don't like me!
Found: And do you take the time to "like" others?
Lost: That takes too much effort.
Found: Then why should others make the effort?
_______________________
Lost: I can't be there. I have to clean house, study, write a letter and make dinner.
Found: One good reason is better than tens of excuses!
Lost: But I've got to do those things!
Found: People make time to do what they really want to do!
_______________________
Lost: Gambling never hurt anybody!
Found: No one at all?
Lost: Nope!
Found: How do you suppose Jesus felt when they gambled for his clothes when he was crucified?
Lost: Hurt? Is that the right answer?
_______________________
Lost: Another day over. Can't wait 'til tomorrow.
Found: Aren't you taking something for granted?
Lost: What are you getting at?
Found: I just saw you drink two straight up and now you're getting ready to drive!
Lost: Gotta get home someway!
Found: "Home" may not be where you end up!
_______________________
Lost: You Christians always care more about social issues than the economy.
Found: Is that bad?
Lost: You're just a bunch of extremists!
Found: And since when is "extreme" to value life, honor marriage, have strong families and encourage success?
Lost: That's stuff is just soooooo intolerant of us that don't believe that.
_______________________
Found: So you're against any public display of Christianity?
Lost: Yes I am! Religion offends me.
Found: But it's okay for Hollywood and the media to spread secular humanism?
Lost: That's okay!
Found: So it's not okay to speak highly of Christ, but it is okay to ridicule him?
Lost: Uh...
_______________________
Lost: I found this wallet!!!
Found: To whom does it belong?
Lost: I'm not looking so I can keep the money.
Found: God knows whose it is.
Lost: Losers weepers, finders keepers!
Found: And God knows who has it!
Lost: And what !*x%$@#&" are you implying?
Found: A loser has it!
_______________________
Lost: Divorce isn't all bad. A bad marriage is harmful to the children.
Found: That's a loser's way of looking at things!
Lost: It's not a home without two happy people. It all works out in the end!
Found: Saw a board in half and there remain two boards. However, splitting the marriage doesn't create two families. It eliminates the one that was!
_______________________
Lost: I love cheesecake! I put cream cheese in everything!
Found: You must get a lot of pleasure out of eating?
Lost: I dream about puddings and tarts!
Found: That explains your "fleshiness" I suppose.
Lost: That's my business!
Found: God makes it HIS business if and when you turn that food processor into a temple!
(Note: My "cream cheese" is pizza and often I too forget what my body is!)
_______________________
Lost: You look sweaty. Whatcha been doin'?
Found: Runnin' a race.
Lost: Didya win it?
Found: It's not over yet. The entry fee was paid, but it's an obstacle course.
Lost: Oh, a Mudrun!
Found: Sorta. One runner does play dirty. He tries to trip me and make me stumble!
Lost: That dirty devil...
Found: But I've got a friend who blocks for me!!!
_______________________
Lost: I believe that the economy is the number one campaign issue and that social issues will drown the Republican candidate for president.
Lost: I found this wallet!!!
Found: To whom does it belong?
Lost: I'm not looking so I can keep the money.
Found: God knows whose it is.
Lost: Losers weepers, finders keepers!
Found: And God knows who has it!
Lost: And what !*x%$@#&" are you implying?
Found: A loser has it!
_______________________
Lost: Divorce isn't all bad. A bad marriage is harmful to the children.
Found: That's a loser's way of looking at things!
Lost: It's not a home without two happy people. It all works out in the end!
Found: Saw a board in half and there remain two boards. However, splitting the marriage doesn't create two families. It eliminates the one that was!
_______________________
Lost: I love cheesecake! I put cream cheese in everything!
Found: You must get a lot of pleasure out of eating?
Lost: I dream about puddings and tarts!
Found: That explains your "fleshiness" I suppose.
Lost: That's my business!
Found: God makes it HIS business if and when you turn that food processor into a temple!
(Note: My "cream cheese" is pizza and often I too forget what my body is!)
_______________________
Lost: You look sweaty. Whatcha been doin'?
Found: Runnin' a race.
Lost: Didya win it?
Found: It's not over yet. The entry fee was paid, but it's an obstacle course.
Lost: Oh, a Mudrun!
Found: Sorta. One runner does play dirty. He tries to trip me and make me stumble!
Lost: That dirty devil...
Found: But I've got a friend who blocks for me!!!
_______________________
Lost: I believe that the economy is the number one campaign issue and that social issues will drown the Republican candidate for president.
Found: But do you believe in God?
Lost: Of course I do, doesn't everybody?
Found: God made a deal with mankind! He said obey me and prosper; disobey and suffer!
Lost: What has that got to do with anything?
Found: Those social issues are the things we are to obey to stay in God's favor. If we obey on social issues WE WILL PROSPER!!!
_______________________
Lost: When hell freezes over I will?
Found: And so you'll never believe in Jesus.
Lost: Not as long as the fire burns down there!
Found: Oh, it'll burn for a long time for there is an ample supply of fuel!
_______________________
Lost: We must be open-minded to change.
Found: I agree with that!
Lost: Finally! One thing we agree upon. When will you be open to same sex marriage?
Found: Whenever you're open to the fact that God's commands are immutable!
_______________________
Found: "Thou shalt not kill." is so simple!
Lost: But there are cases where it makes sense.
Found: Maybe God should have written "Thou shalt not kill, but in the case of the unborn if it's inconvenient or if an old person is too senile to know what's being done!"
Lost: You make that sound so cruel!
Found: Killing is cruel. Smooth words doesn't make it less brutal!
_______________________
Found: The tongue destroys!
Lost: Whatcha talkin' bout?
Found: People like to add their two bits when another person is criticizing.
Lost: That sounds unfair!
Found: Well quit doing it!!!
_______________________
Lost: I'm just ready to give up!
Found: You sound defeated.
Lost: If it wasn't for losing I'd be bored.
Found: Pep up! There's "hope"!
Lost: Yeah! Loving my girl, Hope, is what defeats me...
_______________________
Lost: Just built a wall between me and my disgusting neighbors!
Found: But why do you have a gate opening only from your side?
Lost: So that I can keep tabs on them in case they get nosey!
Found: On to another subject. What do you think about politics and religion?
Lost: I believe in a wall between church and state!
Found: It seems that you have an open gate, but it's locked on their side!!
Lost: Yeah... Nosey neighbors, as I said!
_______________________
Found: How are you?
Lost: Same-O, Same-O.
Found: What's wrong?
Lost: Nuthin'. Everyday about the same thing goes on.
Found: One day things will change. You will be whisked away in a blink, stand in the most majestic place imaginable and see all your life flash before your eyes. Then you will be whisked away to a place of glory or of total isolation.
Lost: Is that because I will take a new synthetic drug?
Found: No, that's facing reality all by yourself!!!
_______________________
Lost: My boyfriend asked me to move in with him!
Found: What sort of commitment is that?
Lost: He loves me or ...
Found: ...or he finds you a little more interesting than a massage with a happy ending.
_______________________
Lost: Got me a big ole tattoo!
Found: It seems that your priorities are misplaced!
Lost: Who says that?
Found: God did! Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord."
Lost: But the tattoos says: "LOVING GOD"
Found: So God is dead?
Lost: I'm just ready to give up!
Found: You sound defeated.
Lost: If it wasn't for losing I'd be bored.
Found: Pep up! There's "hope"!
Lost: Yeah! Loving my girl, Hope, is what defeats me...
_______________________
Lost: Just built a wall between me and my disgusting neighbors!
Found: But why do you have a gate opening only from your side?
Lost: So that I can keep tabs on them in case they get nosey!
Found: On to another subject. What do you think about politics and religion?
Lost: I believe in a wall between church and state!
Found: It seems that you have an open gate, but it's locked on their side!!
Lost: Yeah... Nosey neighbors, as I said!
_______________________
Found: How are you?
Lost: Same-O, Same-O.
Found: What's wrong?
Lost: Nuthin'. Everyday about the same thing goes on.
Found: One day things will change. You will be whisked away in a blink, stand in the most majestic place imaginable and see all your life flash before your eyes. Then you will be whisked away to a place of glory or of total isolation.
Lost: Is that because I will take a new synthetic drug?
Found: No, that's facing reality all by yourself!!!
_______________________
Lost: My boyfriend asked me to move in with him!
Found: What sort of commitment is that?
Lost: He loves me or ...
Found: ...or he finds you a little more interesting than a massage with a happy ending.
_______________________
Lost: Got me a big ole tattoo!
Found: It seems that your priorities are misplaced!
Lost: Who says that?
Found: God did! Leviticus 19:28 "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord."
Lost: But the tattoos says: "LOVING GOD"
Found: So God is dead?
_______________________
Lost: Why get baptized. Ain't that just a ritual?
Found: It's a testimony to a changed life! You become a new person!
Lost: I signed on for "believing", not "changing"!
Found: But Jesus didn't sign on for "dying" just so that you could feel good about sinning!
_______________________
Lost: Why get married when I can have the dessert for the price of a concert?
Found: Whadya mean by that?
Lost: Girls are so deep in emotion that they can't see the forest.
Found: And you're so shallow your grave can be a kiddie pool!
_______________________
Lost: Blacks are killed in greater proportions than whites.
Reason: (Substituting today):: Then a solution would be what?
Lost: Either kill fewer blacks or shoot more whites both would be solutions I guess.
Reason: That sounds fair! You want to be the first volunteer to level the playing field?
Lost: Uh! Uh!
_______________________
Found: Who is the president of the United States?
Lost: That's easy!
Found: Before you answer, what does "de facto" mean?
Lost: The Fatso?
Found: De facto means who really runs the country? Have you heard of George Soros?
Lost: I said "The Fatso" didn't I?
Found: You've right! He's the billionaire fat cat who buys elections!
_______________________
Lost: I'm a man of principle!
Found: Howszat?
Lost: I vote for the Donkey because they care!
Found: So you like their stand on same-sex marriage and abortion?
Lost: I just tune that out and vote for the man!!!
Found: So you vote for those who mock your principles???
Lost: Duh... Uhhh... Gotta go!
_______________________
Lost: I bought a new car and I know it inside and out!
Found: How do you know all that?
Lost: I studied engineering, I worked in auto plants and I understand how engines operate and cars go together.
Found: It seems that you know cars pretty well. How much do you know about you?
Lost: Whaddaya mean?
Found: You have an instruction manual, you go to church, but you don't believe how you went together and you've got something wrong inside that you could fix, but don't!
_________________________
Lost: Jesus is God??? How silly. In the movie Killing Jesus he had to ask people their names!
Found: You have a point there, God would have known their names.
Lost: That undermines the whole idea that Jesus is God.
Found Rather it undermines the theology of Bill O'Reilly!
_________________________
Found: I heard you're a preacher now!
Lost: Yes! I paid $50 for an online certificate.
Found: Are you a qualified Christian called by God?
Lost: Well, no.
Found: Well I'm a doctor, got my certificate yesterday! Are you ready for surgery?
Lost: Yikes!
Found: I should trust you with my eternal soul, but you won't trust me with minor surgery!!!
_________________________
Found: Christianity is controversial.
Lost: Yes, they are so narrow minded!
Found: I think narrowly myself. That's a compliment.
Lost: We must all be generous.
Found: Generosity is when newsmen ask liberal theologians about Christ. They share how generous their hate is for true Christians!
_________________________
Found: I do too! But I want to believe truth. I'll go with The Bible.
Lost: My faith is in what good we can do for our fellow man.
Found: And who defines what's "good" to do?
Lost: I do!
Found: Did you get your spiritual lobotomy before or after you went to Hollywood?
_________________________
Found: As churches compromise Christian teachings in favor of popular opinion, they validate scripture because prophecy is coming true.
Lost: And what scripture would that be?
Found: That narrow is the way which leads to eternal life!
Lost: But what if the gatekeeper follows popular opinion?
Found: He doesn't care about popularity... the gatekeeper isn't very popular! Popular opinion murdered him!
_________________________
Lost: O"Reilly ridiculed those who believe a person must be born again.
Found: Oh, really?
Lost: No, O'Reilly.
Found: Oh, really! O'Reilly said something that far out of reality?
_________________________
Lost: Everything back to normal again! Jesus out of the grave again. Life goes on.
Found: He is resurrected... Once was all that was needed!
Lost: You believe that do you?
Found: Even more than you say you don't believe it!
_________________________
Lost: I don't know what all the fuss is about!
Found: Whadaya mean?
Lost: So Jesus died and was raised from the dead. What's that gotta do with me?
Found: Unless you have faith in him... veeeerrrrrryyy little!
_________________________
Lost: I can't wait for the Easter Egg hunt!
Found: Why's that?
Lost: It teaches my kids about Easter.
Found: And what about Easter?
Lost: I don't know very much. As kids, we spent out time coloring eggs!
_________________________
Found: I have to go with God! If scripture says same-sex marriage is wrong, I believe him because he is truth.
Lost: But society is patiently waiting for you to get in step with the rest of us.
Found: The last time I got in step with society I had to clean a cow paddies from my feet!
Lost: Well, just ignore the odor and go with it!
_________________________
Lost: Well, just ignore the odor and go with it!
_________________________
Found: I like your cross!
Lost: Yeah! It's nice trinket!
Found: Trinket? You know it was used to save?
Lost: Ouch! I cut myself fooling around with it!
Found: Maybe blood will save you someday!
_________________________
Lost: They can't help their behavior. They were born that way!
Found: I find their behavior sickening!
Lost: you shouldn't judge others!
Found: You've got that verse down pat, but preachers who distort God's word weren't "born that way"!
_________________________
Lost: Christianity is soooooo intolerant!
(appearing from out of the blue)
Jesus: Why do you hate me so?
Lost: I'm speechless!
Found: This is the first time you didn't have something awful to say!
Jesus: Truth trumps hate!
________________________
Lost: Any type of intolerance is hateful!
Found: Jesus taught obedience, not tolerance, and if you love someone you want them to obey.
Lost: And you claim to get that from where?
Found: From God's word.
Lost: My belief is more rational.
Found: I assume you get your divine revelation from holy liberal Democrats!!!
_________________________
Lost: I always vote my conscience!
Found: I vote my Christian values as best I can.
Lost: (Arrogantly) Well, so do I !!! Jesus wasn't a Democrat or a Republican!
Found: Yeah, but the Devil IS a liberal!
_________________________
Lost: Respect my position. I'm a reverend!
Found: But you stir up hatred! Just what are you reverent about?
Lost: I have a sincere and generous desire to get what I want.
Found: So then you're telling me you're a liberal preacher!!!!
_________________________
Found: How so?
Lost: People will use it for other issues like refusing to serve those whose lifestyles they don't like.
Found: Didn't same-sex marriage open a Pandora's Box?
Lost: That's different! That's something Democrats like!
_________________________
Lost: What are those shredded papers for?
Found: I am putting them in a mixing bowl to mix them.
Lost: And for what?
Found: To see how long it takes for them to become a book!
Lost: That's stupid! The odds of that happening are impossible!
Found: Yet you believe the universe did just that!
_________________________
Lost: We must always do what's morally right!
Found: Great that you said that! God's got a book on what's "right".
Lost: I mean what is really truly the best thing to do!
Found: And what would that be?
Lost: What society at this time deems to be "right".
Found: You mean to do whatever the liberals demand to avoid being persecuted!!!!
_________________________
Found: The Holy Spirit was in church today! What a blessing.
Lost: You believe in that superstitious stuff, eh?
Found: I know when God is with me! Achoo! (sneezes).
Lost: Gesundheit!
Found: And how can "God bless me" if he's not here?
Lost: Saying that just keeps you from sneezing more.
_________________________
Lost: People wasted a lot of time going to church today.
Found: And what did you do?
Lost: We prepared snacks and watched the basketball tournament.
Found: And that wasn't wasting time?
Lost: We had fun!
Found: If that game was the last two hours of your life would you watch it?
Lost: Well certainly not!
Found: That could have happened.. What a waste of time that would have been!
_________________________
Lost: I once believed that adultery was a sin!
Found: The Bible clearly says it is.
Lost: My daughter went out on her husband, so I rethought it.
Found: Because a loved one does a particular wrong, doesn't make it right!
Lost: God just didn't understand. Things change over time!
Found: You may need to look at who your God really is!!!
_________________________
Lost: I just lost $500 gambling. Why does God do this to me?
Found: I thought you didn't believe in God?
Lost: Who else is there to blame for my mistakes?
Found: How about yourself for starters!
Lost: I only do the good things.
_________________________
Lost: Moral or religious issues must never be part of politics.
Found: Is being pro-life a moral issue?
Lost: It certainly is!
Found: Then you agree that abortion shouldn't be allowed?
Lost: Being FOR abortion isn't a moral issue, but being AGAINST it is.
Found: ???!!!!!
_________________________
Lost: I plan on going to heaven. I just want to have all the fun I can before I change.
Found: What if you die before that happens?
Lost: I'll take my chances! I've always been a gambler.
Found: Yes, gambling may work. Soldiers gambled from Christ's clothes at the cross. That really worked for them, huh?
Lost: Show me a church and I'll show you a building full of hypocrites!
Found: I'm curious! Where do you go to church?
Lost: Oh, I just sleep in on Sunday's.
Found: How do you know that they're hypocrites in the church?
Lost: There must be... hypocrites are everywhere!
Found: So you never go anywhere?
Lost: ????!!!!!!
_________________________
Found: I hate it when people use God's name in vain. It's so disrespectful!
Lost: OMG... I do too!
Found: And what does OMG stand for?
Lost: I see what you mean, but I don't mean anything by it!
Found: That, my friend is "in vain"!
_________________________
Found: It wouldn't hurt you to change your life.
Lost: "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Found: God does the judging. I'm merely telling you what he says.
Lost: Self-righteous people like you deserve hell!
Found: What was that scripture again?
_________________________
Lost: Christians are so intolerant!
Found: Christ did teach obedience, not tolerance.
Lost: Why are we expected to obey someone we can't even see?
Found: To show our love for God and he commands us to love others.
Lost: You're crazy. You Christians are so narrow minded. They ought to tax your stupidity!
_________________________
Lost: Never ever teach my kids about Jesus!
Found: Why?
Lost: We don't want our kids to believe in fairy tales.
Found: I'm sorry! I won't do that again.
Lost: By the way, never tell them that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real either. They need to believe in something!
_________________________
Lost: I deserve to go to heaven!
Found: I thought you didn't believe that God is the Creator..
Lost: That's preposterous. Science has explained that already without a doubt!
Found: Has science explained who created heaven?
Lost: That must have been God that did that!
Found: So God is powerful enough to create an eternal perfect heaven, but he's too weak to create us?
Lost: ??????
_________________________
Lost: I'm going to church today. Can't wait for everybody to see me there!
Found: Great day in the morning! I thought you'd never change.
Lost: I said nothing about change did I?
Found: Then why go to church?
Lost: I'm going to Mardi Gras and am repenting in advance!
_________________________
_________________________
Lost: Everything's relative. Remember, that's important.
Found: Glad you said that. I love my relatives too!
Lost: I mean there is nothing right or wrong. It's different for each situation.
Found: I think I like my relatives more than yours!
_________________________
Lost: We must always do what's morally right!
Found: Great that you said that! God's got a book on what's "right".
Lost: I mean what is really truly the best thing to do!
Found: And what would that be?
Lost: What society at this time deems to be "right".
Found: You mean to do whatever the liberals demand to avoid being persecuted!!!!
_________________________
Found: The Holy Spirit was in church today! What a blessing.
Lost: You believe in that superstitious stuff, eh?
Found: I know when God is with me! Achoo! (sneezes).
Lost: Gesundheit!
Found: And how can "God bless me" if he's not here?
Lost: Saying that just keeps you from sneezing more.
_________________________
Lost: People wasted a lot of time going to church today.
Found: And what did you do?
Lost: We prepared snacks and watched the basketball tournament.
Found: And that wasn't wasting time?
Lost: We had fun!
Found: If that game was the last two hours of your life would you watch it?
Lost: Well certainly not!
Found: That could have happened.. What a waste of time that would have been!
_________________________
Lost: I once believed that adultery was a sin!
Found: The Bible clearly says it is.
Lost: My daughter went out on her husband, so I rethought it.
Found: Because a loved one does a particular wrong, doesn't make it right!
Lost: God just didn't understand. Things change over time!
Found: You may need to look at who your God really is!!!
_________________________
Lost: I just lost $500 gambling. Why does God do this to me?
Found: I thought you didn't believe in God?
Lost: Who else is there to blame for my mistakes?
Found: How about yourself for starters!
Lost: I only do the good things.
_________________________
Lost: Moral or religious issues must never be part of politics.
Found: Is being pro-life a moral issue?
Lost: It certainly is!
Found: Then you agree that abortion shouldn't be allowed?
Lost: Being FOR abortion isn't a moral issue, but being AGAINST it is.
Found: ???!!!!!
_________________________
Lost: I plan on going to heaven. I just want to have all the fun I can before I change.
Found: What if you die before that happens?
Lost: I'll take my chances! I've always been a gambler.
Found: Yes, gambling may work. Soldiers gambled from Christ's clothes at the cross. That really worked for them, huh?
_________________________
Lost: I know that I know that I know that I'm going to heaven!
Found: You're not so sure, huh? Trying to convince yourself!
_________________________
Lost: I'm going to heaven. I've been good.
Found: Only God is good!
Lost: Well, I have been good too!
Found: I guess you are a god, then. Most people worship their self.
_________________________
Found: So you sinned today?
Lost: Yes, but it was just a little sin!
Found: So you shot only a small dart at God?
Lost: Yipes! I never thought of it that way!
Found: And Satan poisoned that dart!
_________________________
_________________________
Lost: Show me a church and I'll show you a building full of hypocrites!
Found: I'm curious! Where do you go to church?
Lost: Oh, I just sleep in on Sunday's.
Found: How do you know that they're hypocrites in the church?
Lost: There must be... hypocrites are everywhere!
Found: So you never go anywhere?
Lost: ????!!!!!!
_________________________
Found: I hate it when people use God's name in vain. It's so disrespectful!
Lost: OMG... I do too!
Found: And what does OMG stand for?
Lost: I see what you mean, but I don't mean anything by it!
Found: That, my friend is "in vain"!
_________________________
Found: It wouldn't hurt you to change your life.
Lost: "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Found: God does the judging. I'm merely telling you what he says.
Lost: Self-righteous people like you deserve hell!
Found: What was that scripture again?
_________________________
Lost: Christians are so intolerant!
Found: Christ did teach obedience, not tolerance.
Lost: Why are we expected to obey someone we can't even see?
Found: To show our love for God and he commands us to love others.
Lost: You're crazy. You Christians are so narrow minded. They ought to tax your stupidity!
_________________________
Lost: Never ever teach my kids about Jesus!
Found: Why?
Lost: We don't want our kids to believe in fairy tales.
Found: I'm sorry! I won't do that again.
Lost: By the way, never tell them that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real either. They need to believe in something!
_________________________
Lost: I deserve to go to heaven!
Found: I thought you didn't believe that God is the Creator..
Lost: That's preposterous. Science has explained that already without a doubt!
Found: Has science explained who created heaven?
Lost: That must have been God that did that!
Found: So God is powerful enough to create an eternal perfect heaven, but he's too weak to create us?
Lost: ??????
_________________________
Lost: I'm going to church today. Can't wait for everybody to see me there!
Found: Great day in the morning! I thought you'd never change.
Lost: I said nothing about change did I?
Found: Then why go to church?
Lost: I'm going to Mardi Gras and am repenting in advance!
_________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment