What Is Marriage?

What is marriage? It's the relationship which exists between a man and his wife, according to Meriam_Webster Dictionary. We know what a man is. They are born that way. However, what is a wife? The wife is no more than the woman he marries. Hence, this dictionary definition is weak.

Since marriage is an institution ordained by God we need to look at what God calls marriage!

Genesis 2:18 "And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 22  And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.  24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 3:16b "...thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. 20 And Adam called his wife's name Eve; because she was the mother of all living. Genesis 4:24  "And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived..." 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

Within the previous passages lies the definition of what marriage is:

1. Marriage is an institution of God (Gen 2:18)
2. Companionship (Gen 2:18).
3. Helper (Gen 2:18)
4. The wife is for the man (Gen 2:22)
5. The husband shall be loyal to the wife (Gen 2:24)
6. Marriage is a union of two into one (Gen 2:24).
7. The woman shall desire the husband (Gen 3:16)
8. The husband shall be the head (Gen 3:16)
9. They shall bear children together (Gen 3:20)
10. They shall have sex (Gen 4:24)
11. They shall multiply and make a family (Gen 4:24).
12. And they can be intimate without shame.(Gen 4:25)

It may be implied within the above scripture, but the New Testament adds much to what marriage is all about. 

1. The woman's body is not her own, but her husband's and his body is not his own, but his wife's (2 Cor 7)
2. Marriage is to control sexual appetites (2 Cor 7)
3. Marriage is a picture of the church's relationship to Jesus (Ephes 5)
4. Husbands are to love their wives (Ephes 5).
5. God favors marriage (Prov 18).
6. The marriage bed should be exclusive of any others (Heb 13)
7. Marriage is not to be undone by anyone (Matt 19).
8. Marriage is for a lifetime (1 Cor 7).
9. Divorce is an expression of violence (Mal 2).
10. A man is to love his wife as himself (Ephes 5)
11. Infidelity is the only valid reason for divorce (Matt 5) with the exception of unbelief of the spouse (next).
12. An unbelieving spouse is cause for divorce as a last resort (1 Cor 7).
13. The husband and wife are dependent on each other (2 Cor 11).
14. Marriage is to be based on Godly love (1 Cor 13)
15. Copulation with a prostitute is a mock of marriage (1 Cor 6)
16. Monogamy was God's plan for marriage (Mark 10).
17. Husbands and wives are to be of the same faith (1 Kings 11).
18. Christ is the head of the man and the man the wife (2 Cor 11).

Wow! A marriage is so much in the eyes of God! As such it needs to be taken seriously and ended only according to scripture, if at all, because marriage is meant to be forever!

What then is marriage NOT:

1. A ceremony nor ritual.
2. A legal document.
3. Having sex with a person.
4. Just living together even if celibate.
5. Based on lust.
6. Any thing other than a man and a woman.

Marriage is an institution ordained of God between one man and one woman forever based on righteous love, unity, fidelity and cooperation. The document doesn't make the marriage nor does the ceremony. Adam and Eve had a plain marriage without ritual nor certification. It wasn't registered with the government, but registered with God as he commanded husband and wife to procreate to expand the race.

For some reason Jesus said to the woman at the well:

 John 4:18 "For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly."

It would appear that she likely had had five husbands and divorced because she was ashamed to speak of them. The man with who she lived was likely the husband of another wife. Hence, they weren't married, but cohabitating.  It is unknown what made the first five men her husbands, but not the latter one. It's likely that she had a residence with those men and surely had children by one or all of them. At any rate, Jesus defined her previous men as her former husbands, recognizing that they were in fact divorced.

Of course Jesus didn't favor divorce, but scripture shows that he recognized it because he defined it as adultery when one had a sexual relationship with another during marriage or even after the divorce.

When we look at the qualifications for bishop and deacons, on divorce, it's the same: "husband(s) of one wife".  Given the statement "let these also first be proved" and "of good behavior", those not faithful to one wife would not be "proved" and "of good behavior". However, those divorced and forgiven would be "proved" with time!

1 John 3:9 (ESV) "No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God's seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God."

 To "prove" a candidate for deacon, the church would examine him. His life would not be a life of sin, but one emulating Jesus Christ. Sure, the divorced person MAY HAVE sinned, but it may be a secondary one.

Matthew 5:32 (ESV) "But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Since the same would be the case for a woman, then any remarried man, even though innocent of infidelity, is guilty of adultery. As such any remarried candidate for whatever reason would be an adulterer. However, adultery is pardonable! Just as Paul was pardoned for being a murderer, a deacon candidate can be pardoned for adultery.

Note that the requirements for being  a deacon makes no  mention of prohibiting adulterers. That seems to be a pardonable sin, and divorce is a form of adultery:

Matthew 19:9 (ESV) "And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

A "husband of one wife" is present tense. As such, in the past, he may have been married before. If so, he is an adulterer, but the requirements are lenient enough to allow former adulterers to be deacons. They sinned when they committed adultery, just as a man sins when he divorces.

However, the church doesn't ask "Have you ever committed adultery?" I'm not sure they even ask "Are you in adultery? because adultery is a mental sin.

Matthew 5:28 (ESV) "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

 You may have a bishop or deacon who not only committed adultery, but are still adulterers because "How would you know if you don't ask?"

It is to be expected that for any behavior a candidate for deacon (or bishop) be proved. The proof is in forgiveness:

Revelation 2:22b (ESV)  "...and those who commit adultery with her I will throw into great tribulation, unless they repent of her works..."

Repentance is proof. God wipes the slate clean and if the church believes it's a sincere behavior modification, then that is the proof. Of course any person can have a secret sin, and those should be exposed through an interview process. The big difference is that divorce is easily identified. It's hard to keep second wives a secret. However, a candidate can conceal adultery with ease!

Because of a laxity in discerning differences between fornication, adultery and divorce; especially when no documentation was required, marriage in those times would be as hard to identify as would adultery. The proof required would be "What is the situation right now?" The candidate would answer "This is my wife and only wife. I was married before, but we separated (no legal document required again). However, I am forgiven and in a committed marriage with my wife."

On the issue of "the husband of one wife" I have to take scripture for what it says!  It doesn't base it on past history, but present conditions. Divorce, although a sin, is recognized by Jesus. If it had meant "Never divorced" it would say that. It doesn't!

Better wording would be "Are you in an exclusive committed  relationship in unity with each other and under the leadership of Jesus Christ?" Perhaps that's what it should have said because that is a summary of what marriage is?