Friends are Forever

 What is a friend?

John 15:13 (ESV) "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends."
Proverbs 17:17 (ESV) "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."

A "friend" is a person with great enough love to lay down his life for one who is his friend. A friend is one who loves at all times. Friendship is then unconditional. Even when friends do things distasteful or wrong, according to God, a true friend still loves them! There is a great correlation between "love" and "friendship". Without love friendship isn't truly there. Associations without love are mere acquaintances. Love is the key:

1 Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 5 It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never ends."

 This passage could just as well say "Friendship never ends"! If a friendship is over, then the friendship was never there! That's by definition.

When a loving marriage ends by divorce or death, the friendship which was there ends for one or both. Divorce for some is much as death. There is a hole there which can never be filled. That's because the friendship never really ends.  I had one person who I counseled regarding divorce, when I asked "What would divorce be like for you? She replied "It would be like death!" That feeling is not because of erotic feelings, but friendship.  Romance is easily dispelled, but friendship endures. Many feel sorry when divorce occurs although romance is long gone. Couples can love each other as friends, but despise each other romantically!

A broken friendship is much the same way! A dead friendship is much as death. One or both still have love for the other, but conflict overcomes love until the friendship seems dead. We forget that as true friends "love bears all things" and don't work to love the irritable or wrongdoing person. Rather than working on our own love, people dwell in their own disenchantment with the friend. Since God commands us to love in the Book of John several places, I continue to stress: "Love is not an emotion, but an obligation which requires work!"

If there is another with whom we have animosity there's something that needs to be done:

Matthew 5:23 (ESV)   "So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

At first glance one would think "If I have something against my brother I need to go make it right before I praise God." However, this passage is much more profound than that! Even if our brother has something against us, we have an obligation to make it right before we praise God! When there is animosity between two people who are commanded to love each other, God turns off his communion until that's made right!

Have you ever wanted to go to the altar and pray to God and still have ill feelings toward someone? We all have! That needs to be made right before we ask God to honor our prayer.

We all have enemies with whom we need to right wrongs, but worse yet, many of us have friends with whom we've had conflict! How in the world can one pray at the altar and harbor ill feelings against a friend of whom all things we are to endure; one whom we are always to love? Friends heal animosities. If one friend hurts another, it's the OBLIGATION for even the "innocent" friend to step forward and make things right!

I enclosed innocent within quotes because any of us can be blinded to our own wrongs. Satan does that! Therefore, God tells even the "innocent" party to make amends. That way pride is put in its place and love can do it's work.

Right now you can think "Are there things I need to make right with a friend?" The answer will surely be "Yes, I certainly have wronged one whom I'm supposed to love!" That's honesty.

I had three people who despised me. I don't know why they did, but the Lord inspired me to make things right. I sent to most difficult person a sympathy card when her mother died. I was the only co-worker to do so. She became not only a good friend, but an ally!

After that success in obeying God, I went to another person with whom I had animosity. I apologized for anything that I may have done to him. He shook hands with me and gave me a great compliment. He became my friend! I felt so good that I did the same to others. Love does conquer all!

I've went to other friends and tried to make things right and failed. That's a dismal feeling. It makes me wonder, "Is the friendship mutual?" If the perception is that it's not, that's a deathlike feeling!  Friendship is a two way work! When only one person is the friend, it is much as riding a bicycle with only one peddle. One tries to peddle for two and eventually fatigue sets in our maybe a wreck.

Some have so many "friends" that some other people aren't needed as friends. Discarded people may make the best friends! Several people who I first avoided became my best friends because their unfriendliness was caused by lack of love from other people. Most people require love from others! Love returned brings life to those dead in friendships!

True friends, as is love, is forever!