Youth and Parents

My own soft spot is my children. I have great love for my own! Most of my prayers are for my children, of course after praying for my own sins. My worst sin is one of omission: I never spent enough time teaching, mentoring, and loving my children. I know that was sinful because I to this day feel guilty about it. Perhaps the most neglect in raising my children was by not being an example. My priorities, although I loved my children dearly, was more about me. My work, career, and education came first. Although it was my responsibility to do these things to provide for my family, the best sustenance would have been providing spiritual meat and bread.

My children may not like it but they are a composite of their mother and me. I see traits of each parent in all of my children. Without being overly so, I am proud of all my "children", for they will always be that to me. We each have negative traits - my children, their mother and me not excluded! Proud parents turn their heads to the negative, and focus on what is good. We do that because our children are truly "mini-me's" and "mini-hers". By focusing on the negatives of our children, parents effectually condemn themselves.

Children are precious: "they are precious in His sight", as the song goes, and they are precious in mine! One of my treats is seeing my grandchildren and the little tykes at church. When I see the smiles of Kaitlyn, Mila, and Meredith; it revives my spirit. It is innocence which I see as they have not yet learned to hate!

We are all born with a human nature. Divine design intent was disrupted with original sin - when Adam and Eve first ignored the will of God and placed their own desires above God's. All have sinned and disappointed God. (Romans 3:23). All includes children. It is better said that they have the propensity to sin and are inclined to do so, even from the womb:

Psalm 51:5 Behold, I (David) was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

My contention is  that since Adam and Eve were designed to multiply, that because God covered their nakedness, they focused on the pleasure of procreation rather than the reproduction of little "mini-thems". God wanted them to do some mathematics, not pleasure themselves! As such, it seems, according to David, that he was a product of lustful desire. As such, since Adam's day, all children are born in an environment of sin. With that condition, what will all children do? Proceed to sin!

The first sin is likely a demanding attitude. At birth the world is "child-centric" rather than heliocentric. They demand to be nourished and pacified. Little gods are created as parents rush to meet their every whim. That's okay because fathers are to provide, and mothers to nourish. That is their responsibility. However, oftentimes we can't even let our babies cry! Doctors advise parents that crying is good for the lungs. Crying is okay because its the baby's way of speaking. As they learn language, they still tend to speak in baby-talk - crying. My own granddaughter said, "Papa, I cry a lot." She knows how to get things by manipulation, and the parent runs to meet every desire. "Papa" doesn't, and seldom did.

Grownups who fail to mature have childish attitudes. They aren't anal but banal, doing what they always did even as children. They are boorish in their immaturity. This childish and demanding attitude comes from over-attention. Parents, your children are not gods; quit treating them as such!

Children cry because they are demanding. They want pacified. As little gods they desire appeasement. Adults who have never matured have the same demanding attitude. Everything seems to be about them. Those tiny gods have grown up to be demanding bigger gods, not adult gods, but large immature gods. The worst thing a parent can do is to cater to their child's every whim. Kids need to hear "no"! It's good for development. Disappointment prepares children to be mature adults. Being without as a child makes having things in later life more appreciated. Rather than being "given", the child learns working. One youth replied when I told him he needed to work, "I'm just a kid!".  Without learning the concept of hard work, children will always be kids, even as adults.

Children learn in short time the trait of lying. They manipulate to get what they want, and cover their own messes by lying. That is not taught, but is an inherent trait. Good lying is learned by listening to others, and by practice. If children are allowed to lie without rebuke, they grow up to be the best of liars. Manipulation is a deceitful way of lying. The serpent manipulated Eve. It was effective. Children learn to manipulate to get what they want. Poor parents know early they are being manipulated but they just can't stand the crying, whining, and begging. It's just easier to cave than to be a good parent. After all, that's what their parents did and they turned out "good". Thinking like that is prideful because those parents cannot see their own manipulative behavior, and their own banality!

Kids aren't little devils. They can be good. Maybe their ability to be good is genetic too since we are part Adams and Eves but still are in the image of God. Our own "goodness" doesn't impress God but it does help caring parents to raise their children, My own daughter once said, "Grandpa told me that you never did wrong." Of course I did! However, I seldom wronged my parents. Why should I? I always loved them! In fact, by example I obeyed God because my parents loved me so:

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Because I loved my parents God's promise has been fulfilled - I have lived a long and fruitful life. I credit that to my parents. Because they were so loving, I loved them back. They were mature and caring because they had never been little gods themselves, growing up in poverty. Poverty is a great motivator for success, I often write.

Even when children sin, it is the natural thing to do. They do not God's will but are innocent of disobedience. "They know not what they do!" Jesus would say. Just as the Jews had Jesus crucified out of ignorance, children sin because they don't know better. Until children are taught God's will, they are innocence. However, as they mature God calls them to repentance, and they must seek out righteousness. Jesus recognized the innocence of little children:

Luke 18:16 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

Jesus attracted the children because of his aura of love. Some wanted to keep them away, but Jesus did not want them hindered from coming to him. Why? Because in the kingdom of God, adults will be as the children again, and regain their innocence. In effect, the little children are good examples for Christians. If you notice how children love one another, that's the way Christians must be.

If left to their own, children will learn evil. Lying leads to even more grand lying. Stealing a cookie can lead to grand theft auto. You get the idea. Parents are to be responsible for their children's morality:

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

This is where I failed my children. Rather than me do the training, I gave that task to the preachers! Scripture doesn't say "Let the preacher train up". The missing word is "parents". I took them to  church every time the doors were open but I failed to train by example and teaching. My sin was neglecting the soul of my children. In spite of that, they grew into somewhat mature adults. (We all have faults). Now their spiritual relationships are between them and God. I trust that they believe and do according to the will of God but more importantly realize that they are not little gods, and only Jesus saves.

Parents often make it hard to obey. My own father was permissive. As long as we behaved, we were allowed freedom. Since I worked from six-years old in the tomato fields, Dad and Mom had great confidence in me. Rather than getting in trouble, I worked hard to have things. Hard work discourages misbehavior and produces motivation. My freedom came early because as a child, I was mature. My family has even teased me about always being an adult. (That doesn't mean that I did not sin, but sinned less than I would have).
Dad wasn't demanding. He set the example by being a good parent. Not one time did Dad nor Mom ever provoke me. Even my education was because Dad was my encourager. Better yet, Dad read the Bible to us younger children every night that he was home even though it used up his and our leisure time. He brought us up in the way of the Lord. I failed where Dad didn't. Therefore, encourage rather than provoke:

Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Overly harsh rules are provocation. Belittling children is provocation. We are to nurture them, not discourage. But also, we are to teach them the will of God. Parents aren't to be meanies in chaos but level-headed teachers, and the best teaching is by example. What is the best teaching? To love!

Few modern parents spank. I don't mean beat the child. As the friend encouraged, I spanked my daughter gently at seventeen years old. It was meant to provide some type of punishment for misbehavior. It worked. She seldom showed another attitude except for one major crisis which we resolved by tough-love-type means. She has since always made me proud. Discipline is hard. I actually cried when I was alone because I did what I had to do as a parent.

At one time, all my children declared their hate for me as teenagers. Why? Because genetically, their will is doing what is right in their own eyes. Unfortunately, their will as teenagers is not discerning. Parents must protect children from themselves while at the same time letting them suffer the consequences of their own mistakes. Mistakes are great training for success!

Proverbs 23:13Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.

Parents who truly love their children will punish them, not in anger or revenge, but with empathy and love. That is tough love.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

What is it that Christian parents desire from their children: that they make it to heaven so they can be together forever.  That is storche love and comes from agape love. As God so loves us, Christian parents are to so love our children. That love is that none, especially our children, should perish! (John 3:16).

Children have a responsibility to develop maturely and spiritually as well:

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

God's will is that we obey Him as a means of showing our love. Children have their own will, but their parents have a will for their children. In addition their will must coincide with God's will. Children are to obey their parents to instill in themselves to do God's will. Being obedient is pleasing to the Lord. It is understood, that obedience is in accord with God's will.

I look back on my success as a child and a parent. However, my sin is that I could have done better. I was neither a "good" child nor a "great" parent. My mediocrity in either role disappointed God. Now it is I who feels the consequences because only I am in neglect. I didn't do my parent's will too well, and neither was I the best parent. However, all three of my children forgot the tough love which they hated, and all three have thanked me for bringing them up right. I should have been better!

Better is spending more time with my kids; not entertaining them but teaching and loving.

This commentary is so that those who read - children and parents, be  better youths than I, and certainly better parents. God takes both seriously. We are not to do what is convenient but what pleases God. That takes work and love.