The marriage institution is in jeopardy. Few are choosing marriage, but a non-committed relationship. That worries me! What's more some shy away from marriage because so many marriages fail. The divorce rate for "Christians" is as bad as for pagans. Something is wrong! People seem to be wiser than is God. God's will just doesn't seem important. I have a burden that men aren't fulfilling their obligation to love those enough, who they confess to love, to consummate that love in marriage. I see a correlation between insincere love in the suitor and insincere love in the marriage partner. What is love supposed to be?
Have you ever had that "itch". This time I'm not speaking of loving the Lord or loving others, but a different type of love; loving your help-mate; the one you selected to become "one" with you! This is an erotic love, but should be much more than that. A man is told to love his mate as himself:
Ephesians 5:33 (ESV) "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."A man has more responsibility than a woman it seems in this verse. While a woman is only to respect her husband, according to this passage, a man must love his wife as himself! Think about that! How do you love yourself? If you're not a Christian you love yourself more than God. If you are a Christian you must always be on guard that you love God more than yourself! Loving ourselves, then is almost making oneself as loved as God. That's the kind of love we're to have for our wives. Below we can see what love is.
1 Corinthians 13:4 (ESV) "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."Note that it mentions nothing of eroticism which is a responsibility to fulfill our command to multiply!
1 Corinthians 7:1 (ESV) "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."So sex is an agreement between two individuals who are called to be one! Sex is ordained by God as long as it's within the marriage. Of course it's better to remain abstinent and be entirely devoted to God, but God is pragmatic! He made us and knows our human emotions. In order to procreate we must have a desire. That's both an emotional and physical attraction to members of the opposite sex. Our conjugal rights is the sexual aspect of erotic love, but sexual love is more than eroticism, it's focused on 1 Corinthians 13:4 above, but includes sex. Too often the marriage partners use eroticism as a weapon in the selfishness which sometimes creeps into the marriage relationship!
When love is in jeopardy, then eroticism is the first to suffer. Lack of a marriage bed often times, but not always, signals a problem with true love! Stress, age, and mind-set are major problems, but it's realistic to say that the marriage bed can also signal deeper problems; relationship problems. However, a perfect marriage bed does not mean that all is well in the relationship! Eroticism and love, when in harmony, are signs of a great marriage.
If we again look at 1 Corinthians 13:4, love has a few definitions spoken toward the positive: It is patient and kind, it rejoices with truth, bears all things and believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
In my words, a good marriage is one where it's based on truth (Godly) and is founded on spiritual fruits: patience, kindness, faith, hope and perseverance.Love is demonstrated to the marriage partner by a demonstration of these attributes. A man is commanded to love his wife in this manner.If a wife respects her husband her love will be of this kind too! Whereas a man is commanded to love his wife in this manner a woman is to do so because the man is her husband. It's just like our command to love God! It's out of reverence and God's love for us! A woman must love her husband for the same reasons!
What is love "not". The negative-type aspects of marriage are: "love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing."
Let's rephrase these in using the positive: Love is genuine and trusting, is humble and considerate, is generous and sharing and is happy and fair! Does this sound like an "Ozzie and Harriet" marriage? It should be that way (except for the double beds anyway!).
Wives have a responsibility to love too! (Context is extremely important!):
Titus 2:4 (ESV) "And so train the young women to love their husbands and children..."It seems that to love our children it requires little effort. A better saying might be to "train young mothers how to nurture their children." As for the husband, women are to teach young women how to love their husbands! What's the best method of teaching? By demonstrating what's being taught. How would a mother teach her daughter how to love is she doesn't love herself? She can't! God desires that women actually love their husbands, not just fake it. Like "love of God" too many wives fake the love of their husbands. As with God, love is achieved by reflecting on his love and "goodness", a husband can be loved by focusing on his own love for you and his sacrifices made to show that love.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV) "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."Marriage is serious business. It has become little more than serial dating. Because breaking up a dating relationship becomes so easy, so does breaking that marriage bond. Satan's desire is that marriage be a trivial institution for two reasons: 1) It's ordained by God, and 2) It is symbolic of the Christians relationship with Christ. Jesus is the bride. The church is the bridegroom. If we can't keep in unity with our mate how are we expected to remain in unity with Christ, who incidentally left no loop-holes to tear a marriage apart except infidelity!
Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,"Marriage is an institution of God and is intended to be for life!
Matthew 19:6 "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."What forces are trying to tear a marriage apart? Forces of evil! Others, for whatever reason, want your marriage to fail. They are merely mesmerized with nefarious messages from the netherworld. "Friends" will advise you to take the easy way; the wide path that others take. "Friends" will bad-mouth and gossip to make sure that you are as unhappy as they are! Never ever share marital problems with the non-Christian and be especially careful in picking a mature Christian mentor when discussing marital problems.
Envying the life of others is a tool of Satan. It's the old age "The grass is always greener on the other side!" It's not. That grass is withered! Not having as much fun as others are being single or in a more open marriage? That too is a trick of Satan. Fun marriages often aren't as fun as they look when the party-goers are alone and confronted only with one another. Satan uses temptation and artificiality to deceive!
I asked a Christian couple whom I counseled (when in separate rooms) what divorce would be like for them. Both replied "It would be like death!" Later on they went ahead and did it anyhow! They picked death over marriage. That's not God's will. They have each went on their way and have an appearance of happiness, but guilt will always be with them!
God doesn't want you to take your love for granted. He doesn't want you to take your mate for granted. Sure there are enticements out there which tempt, but falling to temptation is called sin! I'm not speaking of infidelity necessarily, but just a failure to be a good mate; to love our other half as we should. Life's not easy, but if we share our burdens with the Lord, his Holy Spirit will guide, direct and comfort us. Nothing is too hard for God!
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